Why don't they get married?

Why don't they get married?
Why don't they get married?
Anonim

During the entire twentieth century, there were almost 10% more women in Russia than men: wars and repressions affected. In recent years, the life expectancy of men has been reduced due to unhe althy lifestyles and stress. Add to that the ever-increasing number of gays. And, of course, confirmed bachelors…

Why don't they get married?

During the entire twentieth century, there were almost 10% more women in Russia than men: wars and repressions affected. In recent years, the life expectancy of men has been reduced due to unhe althy lifestyles and stress. Add to that the ever-increasing number of gays. And, of course, confirmed bachelors…

Marriage with a hardened bachelor is tempting! First, a middle-aged man almost always has his own apartment. Secondly, if a convinced bachelor decides to marry, then the marriage will be strong, because for him this is a deliberate decision. True, in such an alliance there is a fly in the ointment. Psychologists believe that bachelors are prone to intimophobia - fear of emotional rapprochement and long-term relationships with a woman. Such a man likes sex, but two toothbrushes on the washbasin can cause panic. In addition, it is difficult for a man who is accustomed to freedom to compromise. Here's why.

Mom, beloved mother…

Many bachelors have a heightened sense of filial duty. On the one hand, this is not bad, but on the other hand, if the mother of your chosen one has taken the position “they are all unworthy of you”, then it will not be easy to convince him, and the mother herself will do everything to interfere with your happiness. Some psychologists blame the mother for the development of intimophobia. With her despotic behavior, she, as it were, programs her son for loneliness. As an adult, he yearns for independence.

Your actions: Become a cozy safe haven and friend for him, create your own little world with the smell of pies (no worse than mom's) and a favorable atmosphere. Take your time to get to know his parents - the later the meeting, the better. When you get close enough to your loved one, your mother's criticism will no longer have a big impact on your relationship. If you are not the first contender for his hand and heart, your chances increase markedly. Even the most patient son with a heightened sense of duty will someday get tired of his mother's criticism. After all, with her attacks, she strikes at his pride. It turns out that, having lived to the age of forty, he never learned to understand people? And one more important tip: no matter how difficult it is, try to refrain from critical remarks about a potential mother-in-law.

Material base

Often a man justifies his single life: “I can’t afford a family until…” (Followed by a reference to a financial or housing issue.) And he does not marry until he strengthens his material base. Requirements may change over the years. He is under the delusion that marriage will ruin him.

Your actions: First, convince him that he has already achieved a lot compared to his classmates (who, by the way, will soon have children going to school). Secondly, try to help him realize his dreams. By pooling your savings, you can get a new apartment or car faster. Reassure the bachelor that after registering the marriage, you are not going to have a baby right away. By the way, ex-bachelors make great responsible dads!

Heart Trauma

Paradoxical as it may seem, but men experience mental trauma longer than us. For example, an unhappy first love can cause disappointment in women. Close relationships cause fear in the bachelor and resurrect these memories. Left alone, he escapes pain.

Your actions: Take steps to improve his self-esteem. Surround him with care and affection. Convince yourself of your honesty and reliability. Help to realize that many at one time went through disappointments in love and this is by no means fatal. Do not demand frankness right away, wait.

Complexes

Now you have an interesting, tastefully dressed man in front of you? Among friends, is he distinguished by incomprehensible timidity or excessive bragging? Perhaps in the 10th grade, he was the last in line in physical education and the girls laughed at him. A lot of time has passed since then, but the "ugly duckling" still lives in it. He does not love himself and does not believe that a woman can love him.

Your actions: Seek him often for advice and don't skimp on compliments. Say that you are very comfortable in his company. Do whatever it takes to make him feel important.

Opponent of marriage

He remembers the scandals of his parents, the divorce of his friends and does not want a repeat of this nightmare in his life. Failed marriages of loved ones serve as a warning to him. At the same time, he does not understand the reasons, but simply is perplexed: “But everything started so well for them …”

Your actions: Show feminine guile. Find out what exactly scares him so much in marriage. Give examples of successful marriages in your community. It will be useful to communicate with happy families. Try to figure out together the reasons for the breakup of familiar families. A civil marriage is also suitable as a rehearsal for a serious relationship.

Installed bar

Some men believe that marriage will prevent them from achieving their goals. Goals can be both quite specific (to become the head of the enterprise) and ephemeral (someday to make the transition through the Alps). And until this goal is achieved, they try not to think about marriage. Often the man himself cannot explain where such an attitude came from.

Your actions: You can go two ways: either become his reliable rear, or, like Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya, a faithful ally. Point out to him that Clinton and Kennedy would not have won the presidency if they had not had wives like Hillary and Jacqueline. Marriage is not a brake, but an engine of a career. The wife herself is interested in the well-being of her husband. As for the age bar, maybe he just needs to really fall in love? And then he will be able to change one male attitude (I will not marry until forty) for a more creative one (I will plant a tree, have a son, build a house).

He is so comfortable

The bachelors of the twenty-first century are radically different from the beanies of our grandmothers. If then they got married, fleeing from an unsettled life, then a modern bachelor will be saved by store-bought dumplings and cutlets, a microwave and a washing machine.

Your actions: Don't try to radically change his life. Be unobtrusive, gentle and calm. If you do it right, he will gladly give up the bachelor party to spend an extra hour with you.

Casanova

He is always surrounded by girlfriends and will prefer a cheerful and noisy company, rather than a calm home. Perhaps he will come to his senses after a while. But the glory of past victories will pull him to new feats.

Your actions: If you are not a supporter of free marriage, then it is better not to associate your life with such a person. Stay away from him.

In constant search

Yes, he wants to get married, reads marriage advertisements, makes friends. He is looking for a lady of the heart, and then he begins to look for flaws in her, and so on all the time. It is unlikely that he will find his ideal, because he does not need it. And it's simply impossible to meet the perfect woman.

Your actions: Do not look for the reason in yourself and do not try to convince him that you are his destiny. You can become a happy wife only in one case: if he himself, for reasons unknown to others, decides that you are the one he always dreamed of. N

THIS IS INTERESTING:

  • According to astrologers, the largest number of bachelors are born under the sign of Capricorn.
  • The global average is 105-107 boys per 100 girls born. Latvians and Ukrainians are in a more “difficult situation” than Russians, while Chinese women have the richest choice, there are 116.9 boys for every 100 girls born.
  • The number of bachelors in Europe has doubled since 1980.
  • Paradox: Cohabiting men continue to consider themselves free.

THE MOST FAMOUS BACHLEES:

  • Evgeny Mironov,
  • Alexander Abdulov,
  • Pavel Lyubimtsev,
  • Dmitry Dibrov,
  • Yuri Antonov,
  • Pavel Bure
  • Yevgeny Kafelnikov,
  • Maxim Galkin,
  • Andrey Malakhov,
  • Valery Komissarov,
  • Dmitry Nagiev,
  • Maxim Leonidov.

THEY ARE NOT MARRIED YET…

Sergey 30 hairdresser, “I VERY VALUE MY FREEDOM”

"I remember my conversation with a friend:"I'll have a good apartment, a car, a permanent job, then maybe I'll want to get married…" And I remember his answer: “Believe me: when you have all this, you just don’t want to get married!” And so it happened. I can’t live with one girl and cheat on her with others. My position is this: I don’t cheat, but just leave. I came to Moscow from Estonia, and most of all I was struck by the huge number of beautiful women in the capital. When I I came to my homeland, they asked me: “Did you find a girl in Moscow?” I answered no, because there are so many of them that it’s impossible to decide! If you live with a girl and show up at 6 in the morning, then it’s simply impossible to avoid scandal, showdowns or clarifications! And I love to live such a life, I love extreme sports. If take a woman with you on vacation, then there will definitely be conflicts.I love women very much, but not problems.And then there are a lot of women around me all the time - someone flirts with me, I flirt with someone.It is unlikely that the woman with whom I I will live, I can endure it! So why wag someone's nerves? Although there are some disadvantages in a bachelor's life. There is no one to congratulate heartily on Valentine's Day, there is no one to give flowers on March 8. But there are also 363 more days a year. I am amorous But just as quickly as they came, my feelings can pass.So I can't promise anyone that we'll be together forever!

One day at the age of 21 I wanted to get married. Thank God, fate saved me from this. Years later, looking at this woman, I understand that this is absolutely not my person. When you are inspired by love, you can do stupid things, and only much later you realize if something really binds you.

Many women complain that they are lonely. If so, then, as advised in one movie, buy yourself a dog! I got a Staffordshire Terrier. I like it when I'm at home alone: ​​sleep, do not close the doors to the toilet and bathroom. If you live with someone, this is unlikely to be allowed. I have many married friends, but so far no one has inspired me for family life. When I see how often there is no sincerity in relationships, I understand that I would not want to be like them. I also notice that 90% of married people cheat on their other half, and the remaining 10 are probably saints.

Besides, I need career growth, and women interfere with creativity. When you are in love, you want to fly away from work as soon as possible and meet a woman. And now I need to improve in the profession.”

Oleg 49 transportation specialist, "LIVING WITHOUT LOVE IS UNFAIR"

"I'm not a traditional bachelor. I've been married three times in the past. I have always searched for the meaning of life and understood the main thing: you cannot go against yourself, compromise with your own soul! I am not against marriage. But if love passes, then staying with a woman means going against yourself! Many argue that marriage is hard work. But why turn your life into hard labor? Even keeping a family because of children is wrong! I'd rather be a little aloof, but maintain good relations with the child and his mother, than become a domestic tyrant! At heart, I'm perhaps a romantic and an idealist. I never understood arranged marriages, although they may be stronger. Every time I got married, I believed that I wanted to spend my whole life with this woman. However, time passed and everything changed. Perhaps I did not meet the requirements of my chosen ones, perhaps I never found the one who would understand me. But the love was gone. Misunderstanding and resentment accumulated. I lived with my first wife Natasha for 3 years, we have a son. With Camilla there was a very romantic story. I fell in love at first sight, we lived together for 2 years. Elena and I got married in the church. It was like a cry from the heart - the last attempt at personal happiness! Lena and I were together for almost ten years, but still the family broke up.

Each break for me is an unbearable pain, which is comparable, perhaps, only with a small death.”

Konstantin 30 actor, "THE MAIN THING FOR ME IS WORK"

“I have been working in the theater for 10 years and I know that if an actor has not married while studying at the institute, then the probability of marriage in the future is very small. When you immerse yourself in the acting environment and try to achieve something, then all your energy goes exclusively into the profession. Actors are absolutely crazy people. They do not look like real men in the traditional sense: they take care of their appearance more than other men, they are acutely sensitive, they are often on the road. I calculated that sometimes for the whole year I am at home for only three or four months, and the rest of the time in the theater and on tour. Once in Sochi, I accidentally met with a group filming a movie. It turned out that some actor did not come, and I was invited to replace him. This was an indicative accident: even on vacation, my life compass is focused not on women, but on creativity. You can, of course, start a romance in your own theater. When you play in a play, you inevitably fall in love with your partners. But all the love energy spills out on the stage, there is nothing left for life. And then a lot of women who see me on stage fall in love with my image and not the real me.”

Denis 35 translator, "I'M LOOKING FOR MY IDEAL"

"My time is filled with various interests: billiards, tennis, chess, reading, nightclubs. But I am more of a contemplative of life than an active participant. I have always liked beautiful women, but I have never aspired to big money. Perhaps the point is in my infantilism, perhaps in the fact that I would not like to be loved not by me, but by my millions. In addition to beauty, I would like to find understanding and spiritual kinship in a woman. But it turns out that I have nothing to support my high demands. There were times when women themselves took the initiative. It's both flattering and annoying at the same time. I couldn't stop searching for my ideal. And when I saw the feelings of a woman whom I had not chosen myself, it was as if I were struck by a lightning strike: “No! This is not it!” - and there could be no further relationship.

I'm amazed how often people get married or get married just because they have to, it's time and so on. I do not want to be guided by anything like that, and the examples of married friends only convince me of the correctness of my position. The thought that I may never find my ideal does not scare me. The only negative is that I would really like to have children.”

Igor 35 consultant, "MODERN GIRLS ARE VERY SPOTTED"

“Most girls and women are not capable of living together. They cannot even take care of themselves, and creating comfort in the house weighs them down. They are more concerned about their nails, the fact that you need to spend half an hour every day in the solarium. But with external neatness, women turn out to be absolutely untidy in relationships. Finding a woman who would share the idea of ​​just going out of town for a picnic together is almost impossible. I need a close person who would understand me, who would just be glad to see me come home. It seems quite simple, but when you start looking for such a person, you realize that, on the contrary, this is too difficult a task! My mother at one time went to the other side of the country with her military husband, raised and raised me and my brother, while still working and maintaining home comfort. Now the bulk of women will even imagine this would be wild. Women are spoiled for their laziness! As soon as a new relationship began, I invited the girl to live in my own apartment, and after three months everything became clear. So far, no one has passed the selection…”

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