Nobody likes to think bad. Unresolved problems:, unfinished important things, unforgiven grievances - we try to hide all this in the subconscious, telling ourselves: "I'll think about it tomorrow." But running away from difficulties does not make us happier.
Psychologists have long proven that what we realize is just a small part of what we know and remember. The rest is hidden in the labyrinths of the subconscious, where goes what we prefer to forget. Moreover, very often such hidden experiences, which a person does not even know about, haunt him in the form of causeless depressions or nightmares. The fact is that no matter how much we run from experiences, they will catch up with us sooner or later. And then the surprise that the subconscious will present may not be pleasant at all. The result is a nervous breakdown. However, such surprises can be avoided by being open and not deceiving yourself under any circumstances.
What we almost know
Sometimes certain events are forced out of a person's memory against their will. For example, soldiers who participated in wars later can hardly remember the details of the battle. And women most often remember very vaguely the situation of childbirth. This is how our psyche works: we simply forget about what worries and upsets us very much. There is another extreme: an unresolved issue turns into an obsession and does not give a person peace day or night. And it is still unknown what is better: to remember the unpleasant every minute or simply to forget? Pushing the problem out of the subconscious might seem like a very good option, if not for one thing: the forgotten sometimes turns up in a very unpleasant way on the surface.
Sometimes we forget about something consciously, forbidding ourselves to think about it and finding other reasons to worry. For example, if something doesn’t work out at home, we go headlong into work and come up with more and more new things for ourselves, even if we have long been exhausted. In addition, the unconscious does not go away without a trace. What we prefer not to think about hovers around like an annoying fly and spoils the mood for no apparent reason. And an escape option can be alcohol or drug addiction, a painful addiction to food, shopping or exhausting work around the clock. Anything to stop thinking about sad things. The result of this state of affairs, at best, can be chronic stress, at worst - a real nervous breakdown.
The only way to negotiate with your own subconscious is to remember what is bothering you and deal with it: forgive those who offended you, finish what you have not completed, gain courage and say out loud what you have long wanted. For those who are willing to take risks and uncover the secrets of the subconscious, psychotherapists have developed a special system consisting of 5 steps.
1 Find the right helper. You wouldn't go on a perilous journey alone, would you? To travel into the subconscious, you also need someone to rely on. It can be a professional psychotherapist (if it seems to you that your case is not easy), a friend or husband. In any case, it should be someone you completely trust.
2 Answer the six questions below. Be absolutely frank, don't try to smooth things over. Don't think about questions for too long: as a rule, what comes to mind in the first few minutes is the right answer.
- What do I almost know but don't fully realize?
- What do I almost feel but try to push away?
- What would I do if everything was possible?
- What am I tired of hiding from myself?
- What am I ignoring, pretending it never happened?
- What everyone in my family knows but never talks about?
It may very well be that some (and maybe all) questions you will answer: "Nothing." This means that you either really do not hide anything significant from yourself, or at the moment you are not disposed to frankness. If you are often out of sorts without objective reasons, if you are prone to depression and stress, try to return to these issues after a while.
3 Don't be afraid of words. If you want to live in peace, try to be guided by these principles: remember what you know, experience what you feel, and say what you want to say. It does not matter in what form you express your thoughts - in writing or orally. Words help our consciousness to open. Another very effective way is creativity. Try to draw, dance, play music. Something will surely work for you.
4 Watch the reactions. Be prepared for the fact that if you manage to pull out of the subconscious what you tried not to think about, not too pleasant sensations await you. Bitterness, resentment. regret, unsatisfied desires, envy… Whatever you feel, don't chase those feelings away. Feel it all, let it through you, admit the truth. When experiencing what you have been hiding, remain calm. What you feel is not a tragedy or the end of the world. These are just your own memories. Of course, it is difficult, but what does not kill us makes us stronger. Perhaps you will realize that you need to finish what you have not finished. Or to express a sore point to those with whom they did not dare to talk for many years. Psychotherapists say that at the first moment, realizing the truth, patients often panic. It is in order to help at such a moment that you need a person whom you completely trust. And when you calm down a little and the pain subsides, you need to move on to the next step.
5 Live on and be happy. Often, speaking about sore, a person experiences physical stress. And your task is to relax as much as possible and digest the information received. And then think about what you can do to solve the problems you find. Make a detailed action plan and start implementing it. What if you pulled several problems from the subconscious at once or remembered something that you can’t deal with right now? Close your eyes and imagine that you went into a deep dark cave, left your experiences there and covered them with sand. Yes, send what you can't handle yet back to your subconscious. What is the difference, you ask. The difference is that now you know what is bothering you. You are simply postponing the decision until better times. And as soon as the right moment comes, do and say everything that you have long wanted to.
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM YOURSELF?
Circle the answers that seem best to you
15-26 points. You are quite frank with yourself, and therefore are often quite complacent. You have a very positive attitude, attract others and easily get along with people. Perhaps you are an idealist and somewhat naive. Remember, not all people are as open and friendly as you are.
27-38 points. You are usually on good terms with yourself, but there are certainly issues that you would do well to clarify. Try keeping a journal, or just have a heart-to-heart with trusted friends from time to time.
39−50 points. You close your eyes to many things and try to simply ignore what you would not like to see. Most likely, this attitude creates a lot of problems, and you need to work on yourself before things go too far. It may even be worth seeking help from a specialist.
51−65 points. You are so accustomed to hiding the truth from yourself and others that you often act completely irresponsible and unreasonable. You ignore the difficulties and the fact that unresolved issues accumulate and prevent you from moving on in peace. Sometimes your emotional reaction becomes destructive, which pushes people away from you. Try to read popular books on psychology and understand yourself. If it does not help, contact a psychotherapist.
66−75 points. You urgently need psychological help, preferably professional. You are now a ticking time bomb. You control yourself with the last of your strength, but any annoying little thing can unsettle you, and then you are guaranteed a nervous breakdown. Your specialist may prescribe you a course of antidepressants to help you cope.