When we imagine our children as adults and happy people, in some incomprehensible way we always see them as leaders. Whatever path they choose in our dreams, they are definitely the best, the most, the most, unique! Our pride, our joy. How to instill in children the desire to become the first? How to help your child become a leader?
Over the past ten or fifteen years, a lot has changed in our approach to parenting. Our parents were taught modesty and restraint: it was not customary to stick out your talents or advertise your skills. Adults tried to instill in children these important elements of tact and delicacy. But along with political and social changes, new concepts poured into our lives: a free market, competitiveness, the ability to survive in a new world. The authors of new parenting books talk about the need to instill self-respect and high self-esteem in children so that they confidently lead among their peers. Yes, we ourselves understand that in our time these qualities are integral elements of success, and we sincerely want to instill them in our children. Many parents first seriously think about the problem of child leadership only when their children reach pre-adolescence or even adolescence. But it all starts from birth
The desire to lead is one of the manifestations of egocentrism with which all he althy children are born. The task of the elders is to help children find a delicate balance, when self-esteem and self-respect become important components of their emotional mood, but do not drown out sound self-criticism and the desire for improvement. The makings of a leader in a child must be cultivated from infancy - praise for success, encourage when meeting obstacles, support in moments of failure and show confidence, allowing the child to practice new skills and abilities. Do not forget that it is at home that the first and very important victories and defeats of the child take place. His ability to convince and arouse admiration, the ability to accept defeat or bitter news with dignity are laid down and shaped by parents. This means that parents should not only enjoy the victories with the child, but also teach him to lose, without experiencing the feeling of a tragic failure or a shameful defeat.
If parents dramatize every minor incident, then most likely the child will grow up anxious, insecure, embarrassed as a speaker, politician or artist. Any failure of the child, true or imaginary, must be supported by a proposal to try again, to correct the mistake. If the baby fell while taking his first steps, it is helpful to help him forget about the fear and take another step. Encouragement is an act of friendliness and concern, and should not be turned into an arbitrary order to try again immediately, into an insistent repetition of a parental order, into a threat. If the child is not ready for a new attempt, calmly encourage him: “When you are ready, you will certainly be able to ride a bicycle from the garage to the entrance (throw the ball into the basket, solve the arithmetic problem).”
The components of leadership - self-respect and self-confidence - are like a beach ball. You pump air - and it will burst. There is not enough air - he refuses to bounce off the asph alt and jump loudly along the path. If you are disappointed in your child, he will certainly feel it - and self-confidence will be undermined. Accept your child as a winner and a loser, strong and weak, then his chances of becoming a leader will increase many times over. The leader begins with competition?
Leader begins with competition?
There is an opinion that the leader begins with competition. “Who will eat porridge sooner”, “Who will wash the dishes cleaner” - these games are good with peers, but not with sisters or cousins, because relationships within the family are already burdened with strong feelings: jealousy, envy, hidden grievances … The loser is not scolded, over they don't laugh. Also avoid rewards for "the first to eat the porridge" or "wash the dishes cleaner." In this case, quite warm praise. Wise adults do not belittle the success of the leader: “Just think, he ran faster than anyone! Big deal!”
But they don't flaunt his accomplishments. They explain to the leader: “It's great that you can run faster than others. Someone knows how to draw better, someone likes to dance, someone knows a lot of songs. Each person has brighter talents and there are things that he does with less willingness.
What is the leader like?
A child leader is easy to recognize in a flock of peers as early as three years of age. For some reason, other children stick to him. He often wins the rights to the most popular toy. The leader in most cases is active and cheerful. He was the ringleader in outdoor games, most often he offers a new game and takes the most honorable role in it.
Educators find him charming and most often give him honorable tasks - help set the table for dinner, wipe the chalk off the blackboard. The leader is always in sight, flashes a dazzling smile, and seems to be more and more aware of the spell of his popularity every day. Most often, child leaders are good at manipulating others - both peers and adults. Growing up, they become fashion dictators in their environment: they choose what to play today, who to accept in the game and who not to hang out with, they know how to attract other children to fulfill their goals. The energy of child leaders should be tactfully channeled into a creative direction, they should be helped to improve their best qualities and work to eradicate bad tendencies, because it is the leaders who most often turn into leaders of youthful gangs or hooligan groups. Try to make the child understand that being a leader means taking responsibility not only for yourself, but also for those who are led.
Teach your child to take criticism
It is important for a good leader to accept criticism without feeling ashamed or anguished. Therefore, criticism should be smart, constructive, aimed at correcting shortcomings, and not at humiliating the child's virtues. “You are a good friend, you know how to share with others, you offer friends help. I just noticed that you started raising your voice to your friends. When you learn to speak more quietly, it will be even more pleasant to play with you”- such a remark that mother made to her son as soon as she was left alone with him will be remembered and will become an important lesson. Criticizing, do not cut off the children's wings, do not disappoint them in their own abilities. Instead of dismissively saying, “This is not cleaning. Look, dust swirls in the corners,”say: “A lot has been done. Books in place, dirty linen in a basket. There is still dust in the corners and sweep out from under the bed - it will be just beauty. You clean up more and more each time. Grow!”
When you catch a rout in the kitchen, do not rush to scold your daughter: ask what she tried to cook, praise her for independence, offer help. Maybe you can share a recipe for a salad or tell me the easiest way to remove fat from the floor with which my daughter flooded the entire kitchen? Encourage her desire to be independent, while explaining that any skills require practice. The child must learn to realistically assess their actions, their achievements. If the child is deaf, do not ask him to sing in front of the guests and exaggeratedly praise the singing. "Over-praised" children lose their bearings, their self-esteem develops disproportionately to natural data, they expect praise from their peers, but receive clicks and ridicule. A disservice is done to children by parents who give an unreasonably high estimate of their achievements. "Mother! I'm the only one in the class who wrote math for five! - "You are the smartest!" You cannot convince a child that he is the most dexterous if he ran first in the competition. Sooner or later, the child will definitely face reality: someone will beat him in running, someone will be stronger or smarter. The more unreasonably high a child's self-esteem is, the more difficult it will be for him to come to terms with failure.
- diligently develops his strengths, knows how to show off his talents in front of peers and adults;
- knows how to make fun of his shortcomings and make the most of them. To do this, the child must learn to laugh heartily with you at his minor mistakes and not take criticism too close to his heart. Humor in the family is the best cure for insecurity and for the other extreme - overconfidence;
- knows how to captivate peers;
- confidently communicates with mature and older people.
My child is not a leader…
What's wrong with him?
- Don't rush to project your own expectations and aspirations onto your child.
- Each child chooses his own path. Trust nature and your child - let him develop the qualities that nature has given him. Your help is to be an example to him, to help him develop moral values, to support and encourage him to comprehend the new.
- If nature created your child to be shy and quiet, it does not mean that she cheated him. Against! His gift is to observe, to reflect, to contemplate. If your child chooses a quieter or more secluded place in life, it means that he values \u200b\u200bthe calm joys of life above all else. There is nothing wrong with a child aspiring to be a librarian or a park keeper.
- Every child who is able to independently decide what to do, with whom to be friends, how to spend his free time, has sufficient firmness and a desire for freedom. Leadership does not mean running ahead of the locomotive. True leadership is to go your own way, attracting those whom you want to see in satellites. For some, this is a crowd of admirers. For others, a single friend is enough.
- If your child does not strive to be in the public eye, always and in everything first, but wants to remain in the shadows, do not scold him, do not pity and do not criticize. Take a closer look at him, determine what gives him special pleasure. Create the conditions for your child to develop his skills to the maximum in the area in which he wants to excel.
- Each person in childhood chooses what is more important to him. Someone needs to be rich and famous, And for someone the greatest value is peace and time to read or enjoy nature.