How to grow an optimist?

Mom 2023
How to grow an optimist?
How to grow an optimist?

One of the most priceless gifts a child can receive from their parents is the ability to be optimistic about the world around them.

How to grow an optimist?

One of the most priceless gifts a child can receive from their parents is the ability to be optimistic about the world around them

Lazy afternoon, I am sitting with my four-year-old daughter Lena on the veranda of the dacha, she is trying to put together the Lion King puzzle. "Should I put it here?" - Lenochka asks and tries to put a piece of the amoeba-shaped puzzle where there should be a right angle. Instead of stretching out my hand and folding the picture myself, saying: “And this one here,” I mentally hit myself on this hand and tell my daughter: “Maybe first try to find the parts that will fit into the corners?” Finally, she folds her masterpiece and shows it to me with such pride, as if she had just won a medal at the Olympic Games: “It worked! I want to make another one!" Like any mother, it is not easy for me to first bring my daughter to a difficult moment, and then step aside so that she can cope with it herself. But I see how useful it is: my daughter learns from mistakes, goes through small trials, but still gets what she wants. Whether she's trying to win at checkers or trying to figure out how to trade some small change with her friends, her daughter becomes more and more confident with every decision she makes on her own. She becomes optimistic. An optimist is not someone who always walks around with a smile that hides gloomy thoughts. This is a person with a positive attitude to life, which is born from enthusiasm and self-confidence. Optimism is not so much the suggestion of positive thoughts to oneself as the basis on which these thoughts are based. Optimistic children look to the future with hope because they believe they have the skills and the ability to take on complex challenges. And if you yourself see negative aspects in different situations more often than positive ones, nevertheless you can still give your child the keys to the door to the world of optimists. Experts say that even children who are seemingly born fearful can learn to be optimistic. It's no secret that the ability to be optimistic is the one skill that makes our life so much easier. One study found that students who are considered optimistic by teachers are much easier to communicate with their peers, work longer and more productively on complex learning tasks than their pessimistic classmates. They feel better, are less restless, at an older age they recover more easily from illnesses and are much less likely to become depressed than others. Fortunately, it is never too early or too late to raise an optimist.

Instill confidence in your child that everything they do is important

Children who constantly feel parental support have more faith in themselves. When you soothe your crying toddler or go to a school concert with his participation, you give the child confidence, a sense of security. If he has the feeling that he is being taken care of, then when he finds himself in an unfamiliar environment or situation, he will experience the same sense of confidence, a sense of a reliable rear. Children learn to make things unfold as they play. Things like a music box or a children's wonder book that makes sounds when a certain button is pressed become a clear example of how actions are related to results. And you will once again emphasize this connection by saying after each effective action: “Look, what a fine fellow you are, what you did.” While children are growing up, trying different activities - building blocks, playing musical instruments, arts and crafts, board games and computer programs - helps to understand what they are best at. And in any case, it is very important to share the enthusiasm of the child about his new skills, and not to criticize what he does. Whether he admires a simple picture he just scribbled with pencils, or a toy boat that he made in a craft lesson, you should always cheer him up and say that it is wonderfully done.

Step aside

A preschooler demanding to be allowed to comb his own hair is likely to tangle himself. However, the more opportunities we give our children to show independence, the more self-confident they become and the more positively they relate to the independent solution of various life tasks.

Experts say that often parents, out of a desire to be important to their children, make their kids completely helpless. They cope with the tasks of their children themselves, nurturing in kids a sense of failure compared to adults, or the feeling that there is no point in even trying to do something on their own, since this work will still be done for him by adults, and a thousand times better.. Mothers and grandmothers who carry backpacks with textbooks for their schoolchildren, believing that in this way they make their life easier, do the kids a disservice. Even if the child just carries the backpack on his back, he feels more important and confident.

In fact, we show much more love if we give our kids to experience the whole gamut of feelings when solving a problem - from frustration because so much effort has been invested for some nonsense, to complete satisfaction when the child sees that he is really good at something. Try to instill skills in such a way that it is easy for both you and the baby to do something.

Make the child feel like an important part of the "big life"

In addition to self-care, helping around the house makes the child feel like an important part of the family and helps them believe in themselves. Give your toddler tasks that are within his or her capacity, such as putting bread on a platter, and an eight-year-old may well set the table.

Cultivate his sense of social inclusion. People who participate in some useful activities for the common good, it is much easier to cope with their own possible failures. Therefore, your children can, to the best of their ability, work on subbotniks to clean the yard or a neighboring park, help an old neighbor go for milk or bread.

Let your child make his own decisions

Children who are used to thinking for themselves are better able to control their lives. It takes a lot of practice to learn how to make the right choice, so give your child the opportunity to choose as often as possible, offering age-appropriate alternatives: for example, ask a two-year-old if he wants to drink juice from a red or blue mug; ten years old - he wants to learn English or German, etc.

If a child has problems, asking leading questions can help him come to the right conclusion. For example, if you can’t solve a math problem correctly, then instead of directly pointing out the error, ask: “Tell me, how did you get this answer?” As a rule, by trying to explain, the child will be able to see his mistake and correct it.

Explain to your child that the result is always directly proportional to the effort put in

Psychologists studying the relationship between motivation and academic success in children have found that students who believe you have to be “born smart” to do well in school are more likely to give up after the first failure. But children who believe that knowledge comes only when they try very hard often keep trying until they achieve a positive result. To instill this sense of optimism in your child, pay attention to his efforts, not to the product of these efforts. Say: “You must have prepared very well, since you wrote such a difficult test for the top five!” If the kid did something worse than necessary, then discuss with him how he could improve his results. Praise him for his perseverance and always note that success is the result of his own actions, not random luck.

Teach him to distract himself from negative thoughts

Children who take every failure as confirmation that they will never succeed, who think that the world is against them, and who feel guilty for negative events that they could not influence in any way, more than anyone else subject to depression. And while experts agree that there is a genetic component that makes children more or less predisposed to positive thinking, the lessons that children can learn from their experience are also extremely important.

Optimists tend to see things differently than pessimists. When something negative happens, optimists do not see it as their fault, permanent and inevitable. They look for other explanations and try to figure out how to avoid this situation next time.

For example, after a fight with a girlfriend, ask your daughter if the girlfriend was angry only with her or that day she was just in a bad mood and she cursed with everyone. Seeing other possible reasons for the situation, the girl will understand that her conclusion about her own fault in the quarrel is not the only correct one.

If your toddler is nervous about test results, you can explain that although he can't change anything, he shouldn't lose faith in the best. And if now everything does not happen the way he wants, then you should think about how to improve your results next time. Indeed, often a child may not be able to cope with the task just because he does not yet have the skills or he has not yet grown to the desired level. But it is in your power to prevent him from losing faith in himself. Negative thinking can be overcome with humor. You can teach a child to come up with funny stories about things that could be even worse than what happened. Then everything turns into a fun game and the child forgets about those unfortunate events that happened to him. n


Is your child an optimist?

When something good happens to an optimist, he sees it as his contribution, perceives it as a link in a chain of positive events, and looks forward to even more in the future. How does your child perceive life? Take this quiz and find out!

Your child: Wins a friend at checkers and tells you:

A. "I'm good at checkers";

B. “He (s) can’t play checkers at all.”

Says he got a high school diploma because:

A. learning at school is easy;

B. well trained.

When he was sent to the head teacher, he admitted that:

A. did not listen when the teacher spoke;

B. was generally inattentive that day.

Gives you a card he made in craft class and when you admire it says:

A. "I'm good at doing things";

B. “My parents love some of the things I make for them.”

Gets a new girlfriend at school and thinks:

A. “I meet good people”;

B. "I'm nice, that's why everyone wants to be friends with me."

Tucks his leg over a hole in the pavement and tells you that:

A. “I didn’t look where I was going;

B. "I've become inattentive lately."

The following answers get one point each, all others get 0:

1A; 2B; 3A; 4A; 5 B; 6A.

The more points your child has, the more optimistic they are.

When something negative happens, optimists do not see it as their fault - they look for other explanations and try to figure out how to avoid this situation next time.

It is very important to be able to share the enthusiasm of the child about his new skills, and not to criticize what he is doing.

An optimist is a person with a positive attitude towards life, which is born from enthusiasm and self-confidence.

The ability to be optimistic is an invaluable skill that makes our lives so much easier.

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