My big and kind dad

My big and kind dad
My big and kind dad
Anonim

Many dads do not immediately join the process of raising a child. Is this right?

My big and kind dad

Many dads are sure that they will certainly join the upbringing when the kids grow up, when they need an intellectual mentor who can instill imperishable values ​​in the younger generation and share knowledge about complex concepts, and before that, a mother is enough. Often women support this misconception in every possible way, because they are not able to loosen control and allow dad to share the dominant place in the child's life with mom. Is this right?

The role of the father in the modern family remains not only very complex, but surprisingly dramatic. Let's start with the fact that couples are increasingly destroying the stereotypes of gender roles in the family: more and more fathers, having rolled up their sleeves, completely take care of childcare. Experience shows that in such families, dads cope with all the intricacies of caring for children no worse than mothers. But despite these relatively new dynamics in family relationships, the most common scenario remains the same: a mother who is solely responsible for caring for a child, and a father who is invariably on the periphery of family life. Such a balance of power does not benefit either the child or the couple. How is the pushing of the father to the periphery and what can be countered?

The dynamics of marital and parental relationships develops from the first day of the union. Alienation of the father in the first weeks of a baby's life means one thing: the father will remain on the periphery of the child's life forever and will perform only limited functions, say, punitive and supply.

For many families, the beginning of the relationship between dad and child was laid in the family maternity ward, when dad helped mom get rid of the burden, supported her with a kind word, and together with her welcomed the birth of the baby!

The mother's first feat is to invite the father to the nursery and give him equal rights and powers with her. A loving mother will certainly want the child to have a warm, caring and kind dad. This means that she will surely be able to overcome her jealousy and desire to reign supreme in the life of a child. She will certainly allow her father to swaddle, feed, bathe and play with the baby.

Experience shows that only in a friendly couple do both parents consistently have positive feelings for the child: in such couples, fathers know their children very well and are involved in all areas of caring for them. Dad is an adult conscious man who will surely cope with his child. From time to time, it is best for mom to give dad the opportunity to talk with the child alone, to feel not like an errand boy, but a proud father.

A GOOD DAD DOES:

  • protect the child from dangers;
  • listen carefully;
  • ardently cheer for the success of the child;
  • offer helpful advice;
  • teach to make the right choice;
  • praise good deeds;
  • strongly criticize for wrongdoing;
  • be generous, fair and empathetic;
  • follow the rules he instills in the child.

Fathers and Sons

If a baby knows his father's gentle voice, his kind face, smell, laughter, if he is used to the caring touches of his father's hands, then dad will become the same important person for the baby as mom. If dad is constantly absent, and when he comes late at night, he sits down at the TV, this means that gradually the father will be pushed to the periphery of family life. In such a family, the child will adore the celestial father from afar and consider himself unworthy of his father's attention and love. The cold neglect of the father makes the child insecure about his own worth, strength and attractiveness.

So what can a father teach his child in the first years of life? The first and foremost is love. If dad is calm, even and friendly with mom and affectionate with a child, this means that by his behavior he teaches the baby the first important lesson in understanding the world order. It is deciphered by a small person like this: “My parents are kind and good. They love me. The world is bright and reliable.”

When a baby grows up a little, his emotional world becomes more complex and contradictory. Here he is jealous of mom to dad (and vice versa). Here he enters into an alliance with his mother, fawns over her and tries to "be friends with her against dad." However, as soon as mom figured out this trick and did not give the chocolate that the baby had just begged for from her, he would go over to his father without a twinge of conscience and try to set him up against the "evil mother who does not give sweets." At this stage, dad and mom are equally responsible for preventing a two-three-year-old toddler from embodying the longed-for principle: "Divide and rule." Mom and dad teach the child an important lesson: parents are always in solidarity, do not criticize each other in the presence of the child and do not win cheap popularity. In the system of values ​​of the child, the competence of parents occupies the top lines. A father should be proud of his skills and abilities, tell his children about them, introduce them to his hobbies. Fishing, football, going to a rock concert, going to the zoo - these events will become priceless treasures in the treasury of childhood feelings and memories. Needless to say, a mother should instill respect for her father in her children. Both parents will not be mistaken, emphasizing all those good qualities of a partner that once attracted them so much in each other. The child goes to school. It is very important for him to be proud of his parents and to know that he can rely on them. A caring dad will tell you that he, too, was worried when he first went to school, that not everything was easy for him either. Children selflessly listen to stories about the childhood of their parents. Well chosen, these stories help children see their elders as insecure, inexperienced, funny and touching.

The older the child, the more difficult his relationship with his father, who personifies strength, wisdom and power. If the father has been a close friend of the child all previous years, then, most likely, he will come to his father for advice in adolescence.

Daughter-Father Relationship

Father is the model of the chosen one for his daughter. Therefore, do not be surprised if a girl of four or five years old begins to unconsciously flirt with dad. Her coquetry is an unconscious desire to subdue her father. Some dads lose their heads for joy. Dad is very pleased to be the main and only person in the life of a child who until recently wandered in the shadow of his mother.

It's easy to understand the emotions of fathers in a situation like this, but it's a trap! If you get into it, it will be very difficult to get out: your parental authority will suffer. Moments of stormy love will be replaced by scenes of rage and impotent anger.

What to do? The father must treat the child's unskillful passion with respect, understanding and mature firmness. After assuring the daughter that he loves her very much, the father must adhere to the rules that were developed in the family before the daughter entered the phase of “falling in love with the father”, not to allow her to speak badly about the mother, to upset the baby when she tries to interfere with the father kiss your mom when you come home from work. It's important to say, "I love you. You are my wonderful daughter. I Love Mom. She is my beautiful wife.”

During the first school years, dad is invaluable as an interested listener, an ardent fan, a tactful adviser and a solid mentor. A girl in adolescence becomes more secretive with her father. Daughters at this time, as a rule, cling more to their mothers, although they are vigilantly watching their fathers. Most of all, girls at this time are interested in how the relationship between parents develops: they “try on” parental marriage on a scale: “This suits me. But this will be completely different for me.”

The girl often discusses her first timid hobbies with her friends and mother. The Pope is content with vague hints. The more tact and generosity dad shows, the more willingly the daughter will share her heartfelt feelings with him. Delicacy and tact demand from the pope that he does not comment on the appearance of the growing daughter's intimate accessories. However, he must be prepared for the fact that his daughter wants to share with him the most intimate and exciting - the transformation from a girl into a girl.

Many dads really suffer when their daughter falls seriously in love. Jealousy and hostility towards the chosen one who dares to touch your daughter is a very common reaction of fathers. It is much more constructive to invite a young man home, to establish a serious, “male” relationship with him. A good start is to tell the young man that you respect your daughter, appreciate her positive qualities and expect the young man to appreciate and respect your girl too.

If young people decide to leave, it is better for dads not to interfere. Let the daughter and her chosen one learn to make independent decisions and make their own mistakes.

Relationship between son and father

The older the child, the more important it is for him to feel not only love, but also respect for his father. The demands of the child are becoming more and more serious: can daddy swim? How much does he earn? Does he believe in God? Growing up, the son will make more conscious attempts to be like his father: diligently copy his walk, mannerisms, style of clothing. If a son identifies with his father, it means that he admires his father and wants to be like him in everything.

Dad is the son's best adviser on the delicate issues of sex education. He must be prepared to answer honestly many "uncomfortable" questions. Remember that teenagers tend to talk about their first passions, carefully masking their vulnerability and insecurity. Therefore, their tone is rude, and their words are sometimes obscene. A tactful dad will explain to his son that there is nothing to be ashamed of in the fact that the boy fell in love, suggest the right tone, find simple and kind words, give illustrative examples from his youth.

What kind of dad is he?

DADDY DADDY

Men of this type are prone to sybaritism. It is easier for them to let their child have a ton of sweets and unlimited computer games - so long as dad is not torn away from his favorite football or book. Such a dad, as a rule, loosens the child’s regimen over the weekend and drives his wife into a frenzy, who has been trying to instill the basics of discipline in the child all week. He avoids conflict with the child. Preschoolers love these dads. But already at the preadolescent age, they cease to respect their father, begin to be rude to him and lead defiantly. With a little effort on himself, darling dad quickly gets involved in a more intense relationship with the child, begins to enjoy playing with him and becomes an excellent educator.

DAD ANT

It's a shame to see when the role of a father is limited to supply functions, because every dad can share much more important things with a child than the contents of a wallet. No matter how busy dad pays off the children with gifts, deep down he is dissatisfied, annoyed and feels guilty for replacing genuine attention with toys. Children willingly use their parent's purse, but do not forgive indifference and lack of genuine interest in their fate. Daddy Ant Advice: Work a Little Less! A more modest lifestyle will not harm your family, but you will be able to enjoy games and conversations with your children.

DAD CONTROLLER

This dad can't get past a little mess. He demands unquestioning attention to himself and strictly exacts for every wrongdoing. As a rule, such a father reads long lectures to the child, chooses books to read, a sport to play, and circles to attend. "Papa controller" often scolds and humiliates the child in front of strangers. A week without sweets, a month without TV - these are his harsh sentences. Children are afraid of such dads, they try to hide their mistakes from them. Children often develop low self-esteem and insecurity. The controller dad should have more fun and chat with his child.

DAD EXECUTOR

But using your father as a formidable punisher is a sin at all! Don't give up, dads! You are not an appendage to the belt, and forceful methods of education rarely bring a positive result. Think together how to discipline the child, otherwise he will be afraid of you and stop trusting you.

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