What to do if a teenage child is rude to parents both in private and in public? And also interrupts the elders and breaks into a conversation with rude and inappropriate remarks? The situation is commented by a child psychotherapist, family consultant Madelena Sanchuk.
Dear "Home Hearth"! I decided to share my pain with you. My 15-year-old son has acquired a nasty habit of interrupting elders, intervening in conversation with inappropriate and rather rude remarks. He is rude to both me and my father. Alone and in public. Not even the words themselves are worse, but his tone, full of contempt and hatred for the people closest to him. I am ashamed in front of the neighbors, who cannot but hear the scandals in our apartment. And how I feel ashamed in front of our friends! All of them are solid people and they know us from the best side. Imagine, they come to a decent house to relax, talk, and then this undergrowth is rude to both us and our guests. I do not know how to be. What would you advise us to do, how to wean our son from being rude and talking contemptuously with elders? I'm embarrassed to subscribe. Even initials are embarrassing. So I’ll sign: mom boorish.
The situation is commented on by child psychotherapist, family consultant Madelena Sanchuk
Mama boor is a brave lady. She spoke about herself and her family sincerely and in detail. Of course, the problem did not start yesterday and not even when the son was 15. It all started in early childhood, when the boy was not noticed, asked not to annoy with questions, not to distract the elders from important matters. Busy business people often forget that their children need not only expensive toys, prestigious schools and a decent environment, but also constant communication with mom and dad. If the parents don't have time to talk to the child at the moment, they should make an appointment in the child's playroom or kitchen in, say, half an hour or an hour. If the child is impatient to tell you something important right there, immediately, ask him to write down (if he still cannot write, draw) what he wants to say, and tell it orally during your meeting. It is important under no circumstances to laugh at the stupidity or naivety of the child, not to interrupt him with contemptuous words: “What are you doing with your idiotic ideas!” While listening with respect to your child, you can invite him to the discussion with the following phrases: “I don’t think this idea is good. Let's look at other options." Justify your opinion with respectful, short and simple phrases. Do not be annoyed if the child, after listening to you, remained in his opinion. Any person should grow up by learning from their own mistakes.
Be vigilant: under no circumstances humiliate a child in front of strangers! Take him aside, go out with him into another room - there you can chastise him, calmly expressing your claims. Teenagers find it difficult to cope with violent bouts of hatred or rage. The mood in adolescence changes quickly, children often seem unpredictable. They lose their heads and yell at their parents. But they don’t yell at their favorite teacher. And they don't yell at a karate coach. Because they treat them with respect and patience. The boorish mother opposes her son to her decent acquaintances. She values the opinion of decent and respectable family friends. But the opinion of her son, it seems, she does not really value, because she considers him still subhuman, undersized. She responds with harshness for harshness, scream for scream … Neighbors hear their scandals. But after all, she doesn’t shout at her respectable friends … The teenager really wants to show that he has already grown up! It is very important for him to take part in an adult conversation, especially if it is about a book that he read, or about a team that he also supported. Hungry for attention, the teenager rushes into conversation, forgetting about the rules of decency, interrupting interlocutors, raising his voice, insulting the listener. This means that, unfortunately, he still does not have the skill of communicating with adults who are ready to give him time and attention sincerely and kindly. As soon as the author of the letter manages to look at what is happening from this new angle, dialogue with his son will become a real opportunity. A dialogue is needed! Invite your son to the family council. Point out that the agenda will be how to help mother and father better understand young people. Start the conversation with what you understand: something is wrong in your family. This requires the attention of all family members and the need to correct the situation: general irritation, anger, bitterness … Ask your son to speak directly, but respectfully and calmly. Most likely, he will tell you about your indifference, and about how you yelled at him in front of the girl with whom he wanted to go to the cinema. Let him let off steam. Say that it is no longer possible to go back, but to improve relations is not only possible, but also necessary. Until you learn how to speak respectfully to your son, you will have to be content with the role of a boor mom.
1 Don't be rude when your teen is rude: tell him you'll continue talking to him when he calms down and speaks to you respectfully.
2 Do not reprimand your teenager in front of his friends and strangers. Otherwise, the teenager will punish you, humiliating you in front of your friends.
3 Respect your child's activities and hobbies. Only in this way will you teach him to respect your activities and entertainment.
4 Turn to your teenager for advice on computers, the Internet, modern music, in a word, recognize him as an expert in those areas in which he is especially successful.
5 Be friendly, charming, playful and gentle not only with friends, but also with your son.