"My kids are at war 90% of the time they spend together. Constant hostilities alternate with negotiations, complaints and short truces, after which the battle begins again. What to do when kids fight?”
Child psychologist Natalya Barlozhetskaya answers questions from our readers.
Question "My children are at war 90% of the time they spend together. Constant fighting alternates with negotiations, complaints and short truces, after which the battle begins again. What do when the kids are fighting?”
Answer Most siblings fight each other. To understand the reason for this behavior, it is necessary to understand what exactly provokes fights. Perhaps each of them wants to prove his importance in the family, or the fighters feel offended and want to offend in return. Maybe the kids feel like they've been treated unfairly and fighting is the only way to get justice. Most often, fights between siblings arise on the basis of rivalry for the attention of parents.
1. Don't take sides. When mom and dad support one child and judge another, they provoke rivalry. And one of the children becomes a "victim", and someone becomes a "rapist".
2. Use the timeout method. In a calm and even voice, tell the children: “You will now go to different rooms and stay there until you calm down.”
3. Give a choice: “You can stop the fight or continue it on the street. I don't want to see this.”
4. React outside the box, sometimes this is what helps the child cope with his own feelings. Try to douse the children with a mug of water, throw a blanket over the brawlers. The goal is to divert the children's attention to something else.
5. The fight hadn't started yet, but the atmosphere had already heated up. Try to distract the children, say: “Whoever hears me does it! Who hears me, makes two! Who hears me, makes three!" Accompany these words with a clap or any other movement.
6. If children are fighting over a toy, remove it and tell them it will only be returned if they play together.
7. Teach children to listen to each other. Let them take turns explaining what is happening.
8. Say more often: “Now look at the situation from the other side. How do you think your sister feels?”