Should children be punished or not? Surely all parents have asked themselves this question more than once. Of course, there should be no physical punishment. But it is also impossible without punishments at all, because children are little cannibals. They will immediately know that they can get away with anything, and then - hang on!
Should children be punished or not? Surely all parents have asked themselves this question more than once. Of course, there should be no physical punishment. But it is also impossible without punishments at all, because children are little cannibals. They will immediately realize that they can get away with anything, and then - hang on
When I was a young mother, an unpleasant incident happened in our family: money disappeared from the house. Moreover, the situation was not easy, because I had one adopted child, and the other was my own. Mine is three years old, adopted is six. I had to control myself all the time so that it would not seem as if I treat my child with love, and to the second - detached and politely. After all, such an attitude is very traumatic for the psyche of the child.
Besides, we were very poor, because we were both research assistants. I received 120 rubles, my husband - 140. My father left us, and my retired mother helped with the children. That was how most people lived then. We counted money almost to the penny - from paycheck to paycheck. There was a small stash at home, which was under constant control. And then one day the money disappeared. Who could take them in the apartment where we live? Plumbers did not go, there were no adventurers among our friends. It is clear that children.
The husband was furious, almost ready to pounce on them with his fists. I had very little experience then, but still I instinctively understood what to do. I told my husband: “Calm down!”, I went to the children’s room and asked: “Show me what you bought with the stolen money.” It turns out that I took them to show off, pretended that I already knew everything - who stole what and who. Otherwise, they would begin to lie and get out, and so they silently looked at each other and pulled out two telescopes, and the same ones. I tell them: “What fools you are! At least they would buy different things in order to change later! Why do you need spyglasses?” It turned out that they decided to watch through a telescope from the window what was happening in the yard. These pipes cost a lot of money, because they had crazy optics. It happened in November. And I said: “Well, now you will be punished: consider that you are your own Santa Claus. You will receive these pipes for the New Year!” I got through it all to the end. That is, there was a holiday, there was a tree, but there were no gifts! Santa Claus is offended. After that, nothing like this happened again.
I still stick to the same methods - there are transgressions that need to be stopped. They are not good and can really grow into a habit later, but still you can’t afford either belts or screaming.
I think children should be treated like negligent employees at work. So that the child does not act in a way that is not necessary, he needs motivation. It is best to get children to own
vein responsibility. Did you take money from your parents without permission? You were left without gifts because you are responsible for your actions.
I bring up my daughter Masha in the same way: I punish her very rarely, rather I find a compromise. Something like this: “Lessons, Mash, did you do it?” - "Not". - "Well, then do it." - “And I have such an interesting cartoon here!” I say: “Well, watch your cartoon, but after that bring it to me and show me how you did your homework. Deal?" - "Yes". I think it's easier to let a cartoon watch than to argue for a long time. If the cartoon is over, and the lessons are still not done, I remind you of the answer-
properties: “We agreed! You said yes, it is now your word and you are responsible for it.”
If a child has some kind of motivation, we must use it. I told the boys: “If you want to wear super jeans, drive cars and have prosperous families, then understand that without education you will not succeed. You are now 15 years old, but when you grow up, you will be unhappy men who are yelled at by their wives from morning to evening. When you talk to children in an adult way, they understand everything. They see how adults live. We just think they don't know anything, but they notice everything!
Another example: my Masha needs to fix her teeth, but she doesn't want to wear braces, even if you die. I tell her, "Do you have any friends at school?" - "There is". - "Do you like any boy?" - "Like". "And how does he feel about you?" - "Good". - “Now he treats you well, and at the age of 17 he will see your crooked teeth and change you for another girl who has straight teeth. To please men, you need to have beautiful teeth!” And she understands everything.
I speak to children as adults, this is my most important principle.