How is an adult different from a child?

How is an adult different from a child?
How is an adult different from a child?
Anonim

A psychologist and TV presenter Galina Timoshenko talks about why there are so few truly adult people around

How is an adult different from a child?

A psychologist and TV presenter Galina Timoshenko talks about why there are so few truly adult people around

Every child dreams of becoming an adult as soon as possible. At the same time, there are outrageously few truly adult people around us. Maybe grown-up children simply do not have a clear idea of ​​what adulthood is, and therefore cannot achieve it in any way?

So, the first thing we need to do is, as always, to define the very concept of adulthood. So, who in our society is usually called an adult? The first and most obvious answer: one who has legally reached the age of majority. At the age of 18, a person acquires the right to elect and be elected, to answer for criminal offenses to the fullest extent, to drive a car, start a family, etc. True, for some reason he still does not have the right to drink alcohol. And then there is another answer - very funny, but nevertheless logical: an adult is someone who is 21 years old. After all, he already has the full legal right to get drunk to complete amazement! There are, of course, other answers. They arise from the obvious fact that an 18-year-old person is very often fully supported by his parents and therefore seriously limited in his actions. Therefore, one of the most common ideas about adulthood sounds like this: a person becomes an adult when he begins to provide for himself. No doubt, the criterion is very significant. But more than once, 30-year-old “children” were brought to my mother’s reception, earning quite good money on their own. Would you consider them adults?

Another myth: a person becomes an adult when he begins to live separately from his parents. But you have probably seen independently living, by no means young, highly paid people who call their mothers every day - and not at all because they miss them so much, but because mothers demand it. They are adults? The next, no less strange idea: an adult is someone who has already created his own family. And if you remember the 20-year-old spouses living on their parents' money? Or about 40-year-old husbands (and wives, by the way) who will not take a single step if it is not approved by their mother? Are you ready to call them adults? And, finally, there is another myth that is widespread mainly among the child population. This option is carefully planted in young heads by parents: they say, when you become an adult, you will understand how much a pound is dashing. You will learn what it is like to work hard for almost days, to limit yourself in everything, not to sleep at night, sitting over a crying child … The list of horrors can be supplemented or modified depending on the imagination and life experience of the parents.

No doubt, all the above charms have a place to be in adulthood. But the child, listening to this with a regularity worthy of better use, gets used to the idea: being an adult is so painful, unpleasant and difficult that it is better never to become one at all. Indeed, what sane person would voluntarily agree to all the suffering that good educators prophesy for them?!

By the way, what does the word “education” itself mean? Everything about “nutrition” seems to be clear, and the prefix “re-” in Russian usually means either an increase, an increase (as, for example, in the word “ascent”), or a repetition (as in the word “re-creation”). It turns out that the whole most complicated and subtlest set of actions for raising a child comes down to just repeating - or increasing - nutrition. Terrible? Only children growing up in wild natural conditions (for example, in African tribes or among South American Indians) begin to be considered adults from the moment when they are able to satisfy all their purely physiological needs without the help of adults. And they are not just considered, but they themselves satisfy them! And according to research, such children under the age of five are significantly ahead of their peers in Western countries in terms of physical and mental development. True, then they begin to lag just as rapidly. But this is already connected with the limitations of the very conditions of their existence. I would venture to formulate such a definition: an adult can only be considered a person who himself solves his life problems. And do not say that we are returning to the fact that an adult is the one who earns his own living! It's not the same at all. Because by life tasks I mean not only material self-sufficiency. After all, deciding what to do in life, whom to marry, what to be proud of, and what to be ashamed of, what, finally, to want at any given moment of time - these are also quite vital tasks! And, in order to be able to solve them, you need so little: you need to understand what you want, soberly and subtly navigate reality - after all, it is in it that life tasks are solved, and you need to know the necessary ways to solve them. Nothing else is needed to be an adult.

We have one question left: what to do if our parents still ignored the original meaning of the word "education" and did everything so that, in their opinion, we grew up happy, but in fact raised us eternal children? It was more convenient for them: after all, while we are children, we need them. And what else can they do if they themselves are not adults and have nothing in their lives except us? The answer is simple: learn all this on your own. How? Learn to separate your desires from the desires of parents and other significant people, from what is customary to desire. Learn to pay attention to your own feelings! This is the first. Second: to test your ideas about reality in practice, and not to take that there is something in the world for granted! For example, are you sure something is impossible? Can you convincingly substantiate your point of view? Not? Then what is this point of view? This is fantasy.

And third: try different ways of doing things. Not two, not three, but many. Lots of. Then there is a chance that those methods that work will fall into this “many”. That, in fact, is all that is needed in order to grow up.

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