In 2002, our heroine Oksana Rodzevich left her husband and she was left with three children - no money, no job and no education. But now, looking back, she admits that it was a happy turn in her life
In 2002, our heroine Oksana Rodzevich left her husband and she was left with three children - no money, no job and no education. But now, looking back, she admits that it was a happy turn in her life.
Of course, I did not immediately begin to treat my husband leaving like that. At first I was absolutely crushed, I could not even imagine how we would live on. Until that moment, I had never had to be in charge and make decisions that would affect my life and the lives of my children. And the situation when I was left alone with the children seemed like a nightmare at first.
The first time I got married very early, at the age of 18, my son Ivan was born. And when I was 23, I met Sergey and left my first husband for him. A year later, Nikita was born to us, and after some time, a daughter, Ksenia, was born. We lived together for 9 years and were very happy, as it seemed to me then, especially in the early years. We then lived very poorly, sometimes Sergei even earned a cab. But it did not upset us, because we were very good together. We decided to get married officially much later, and it was an absolutely conscious decision. It seemed to me: we have been together for so long that this person is definitely with me forever, we are halves of one whole. I had no doubt that we would spend our whole lives together, grow old side by side and nurse our grandchildren. But it turned out differently.
At that time, Sergei worked as an assistant to Kiriyenko and his working day was irregular. Sometimes my husband worked at night, it happened that without days off. He returned late, he could be called to work at any moment. I remember how once we bought tickets to the theater and Sergey at the last moment could not go, he told me: “Go with a friend, okay?” All this was unpleasant, but my husband assured me that there were great prospects for such a job. On September 10, 2002, we were going to celebrate Nikita's birthday, guests were invited, a children's party was planned. But on the night of the 9th to the 10th, the son was taken to the hospital with suspected appendicitis. They didn't put me with him. I still remember how they take him down the corridor, he looks at me with teary eyes, and I can’t do anything. I then cried all night.
Sergey came to our hospital, and then said that he still had a job and he would return later. This was not surprising, he had previously left on business at night looking. The strange thing was that his phone was switched off all night. I got through to Sergei only in the morning, asked where he was. And he said, "I was not where you think." And this first portion of the bitter truth came on Nikita's birthday, which he spent in the hospital … This, of course, was unpleasant. But, on the other hand, everything worked out and not bad, because at that moment I had too many worries to worry about my husband's betrayal. I reacted like this: "Okay, then we'll figure it out." Three days later, Nikita was discharged, and then Sergey admitted to me that he had been dating another woman for a month, he was very in love and wanted to live with her. I urged him to think, he was firm: he loves that woman and will be with her.
Children reacted differently. The elder Ivan had already experienced a divorce once and, like a steadfast tin soldier, took everything rather calmly. Nikita was completely unsettled, for him it was a real tragedy. My daughter was then only five years old, and she did not quite understand what was happening. In the first few days I could not do anything - just lay and suffered. As I now understand, it was right: if you try to suppress your feelings and get distracted, then they will stretch for a long time. And if you plunge headlong into despair and get sick, you will recover faster. After two weeks, I got tired of suffering and wanted some activity.
But what could I do? I was not adapted to an independent life: I smoothly moved from one marriage to another, I never worked. I have a degree in Design and Photography, but even during my studies I realized that this was not my thing. I was thirty-two years old - no experience, no education. Who wants to hire me? When Sergey left, he immediately said that he had cramped financial conditions in his new family. He needs to rent an apartment, and he will not be able to help us with the children. Apparently, I had something in my head, but I delved into his problems and said: “Yes, I understand everything.” Then my relatives came to my aid. The older sister, with whom we had never been close, arranged for me to be hired as a secretary in the company where she worked. The money was ridiculous, but I was glad even that. I went to work, entered the psychological faculty of the institute, signed up for driving courses. I didn't have a car then and there was no way to buy one. But I decided to do something for myself, for my future.
I was haunted by the thought of how lonely I was. I had an old friend, from my school days, who always liked me. We hadn't talked in a few years, but then I decided to call him. It turned out that he was free. I complained to him about my difficult female fate, he began to look after me a little. I realized that yet, it turns out, not everything is lost, I can impress men. This also supported me a lot and instilled a certain faith in the future.
If earlier it seemed to me that I could not live without Sergey, then over time I realized that this was not so. I can do without it, and I will live perfectly! The most surprising thing is that Sergei returned a month later. He called me and said, "Could you forgive me?" I said I'm not offended. And he asked if we could start over. This shocked me. After all, he used to convince me that I was to blame for what happened, because I suspected him of treason. I didn't really suspect him, but I didn't like the fact that he didn't stay at home from time to time. Agree that any woman would not like it. I was nervous about his work schedule, because of this we argued. But he insisted that it was only necessary to wait. And over time, I began to think that I really was wrong: I didn’t take care of him and didn’t appreciate him the way I should.
I agreed to make peace. But it quickly became clear that such compromises did not lead to anything good. You shouldn't live with someone who hurt you. When trust disappears, love also disappears. Three months later, we broke up completely and forever. And I started a completely different life. At work, I had free time, and I retyped on the computer the fairy tales that Nikita told when he was just born. The fairy tales turned out wonderful, and at one time I wrote them down. And now it is possible to type them on a computer and send them to the editorial offices of journals.
And a miracle happened: I was invited to work as an editor in a small publishing house. The money was also very small, and professional specialists did not go to them. And I went. Then I worked on television as a correspondent, collaborated with magazines for several years. Every time I saw a magazine with my fairy tale, I was overwhelmed with pride. Now I write scripts for TV programs, and the best thing about this job is the free schedule. I work from home and choose when I work and when I rest.
For 8 years I had three serious novels, but I don’t want to get married yet: the children are unlikely to be happy about this. I want my daughter to be 15 years old. She will start her own life, and she will not need my company so much. Now it is very important for her that I was near. Children communicate with Sergei from time to time, but our relationship with him is far from friendly: he thinks that I ruined his life, can you imagine?
Sometimes I think: what if he had not left me then and I would have lived a dull life - without events and without vivid impressions? Divorce turned out to be a turning point that changed everything: I had to become the main one in my destiny. Of course, my mom and dad helped me with the kids, but other than that, we didn't have any support. And most importantly - I had some courage. I knew that we would get out. And even in the most difficult moments, she had no doubt that everything would end well. A year ago, I fulfilled my old dream - I bought a car, and I really like to drive it. I do oriental dances, my children and I travel a lot.
One day, a few years ago, Nikita came home from school and began to tell that his classmate had returned from some resort, and then he looked at me and said: “Mom, could we ever go somewhere? » He said this with such an expression that I decided: we will definitely go somewhere and will go very often! The first time we went to Turkey and since then we have been to many places. I think it's not even about how much money you have, but about the decision you make. If you decide that you can afford something, then gradually everything turns out the way you want.
My own rules. How to start over
1 Remember that when something ends,something is bound to start. There is definitely something good ahead. There are a lot of men, and any woman can arrange her own destiny - at any age, with any number of children. We have a defeatist position on this issue: there are fewer men than women. But in fact, there are a lot of men! And all of them are enough. In no case should you think: “Who needs me with children?” Or: "I'm fat and old." This is all absolute nonsense!
2 To arrange your life, you need to act. Indeed, in adulthood it is more difficult to get acquainted than in 20 years. I think the most important thing is not to hide your intentions. Men are pleased when they are interested. And if a woman’s face says: “Oh, I’m not like that, don’t come up to me!”, No one will come up to her. But if you are friendly to men and be more cheerful, then you have every chance. And to the question "where to meet?" I will answer this: there are a lot of opportunities now! The same Internet. And in the winter I went fishing with my friends. This is a real Klondike, there are so many men! And there were only two women.
3 If a misfortune has already happened, then it must be experienced. Immerse yourself in your despair and get over it. If this is not done, then your experiences will drag on for a very long time. And if you fall ill immediately, you will soon get out.
4 No need to compromise. If your husband cheated, you don't need to convince yourself: "I have a family, I have children, I have to endure." No need to be patient! Such compromises destroy love. In the depths of your soul, you know that he offended you, the worm is still there, and it gnaws at you. It is believed that a woman must be patient, and everything is possible for a man. You can not do it this way. I tell my girl that a woman always has a choice.
5 Don't stop trusting men. You need to understand that a man is also a man. He wants a decent, honest relationship. What you bring to others is what you will eventually receive. And if you have a consumer attitude, men feel it. Men also suffer and are afraid, they get hurt. As a mother of boys, I understand this very well.
6 Don't sit around doing nothing. Even if you don't have an education, there will always be work you can do, and in time it will definitely pay off.