Galina Timoshenko: villainess fate

Galina Timoshenko: villainess fate
Galina Timoshenko: villainess fate

A psychologist and TV presenter Galina Timoshenko talks about how not to feel like a failure in life.

Galina Timoshenko: villainess fate

A psychologist and TV presenter Galina Timoshenko talks about how not to feel like a failure in life.

There is such an interesting metaphor: life is a carpet that fate weaves from our lives. Moreover, fate has, of course, its own ideas about what kind of pattern it wants to see on this carpet, but it is also quite ready to support our valuable initiatives. Unless, of course, these initiatives are able to decorate or even improve the pattern conceived by fate. And each thread (read: human life) - regardless of its color or length - has its own, unique and necessary place in the carpet. And we all know how important the background is: perhaps no less than the main pattern. And if someone's life ends too soon, it only means that the continuation of this life would damage the overall pattern.


Do you know why I remembered this metaphor? But because I was asked the question: what to do in order not to feel like a loser (or a loser - underline the necessary)? And I was interested in another question arising from the first one: what is a loser?

Personally, I could find only two possible answers to this question. First: a loser is a person who has achieved less than others. And the second: a loser is a person whom fate refuses to help. I mean, he's not lucky - and that's it! Well, let's figure it out.

So, the first option: a loser who feels like a loser because he has achieved less in his life than others. And then the questions begin to multiply, how … Well, in general, like everyone's unloved pets. What are "others"? How many percent of "others" do you need to jump over to be considered "lucky"? If only one is worse than me, am I already lucky? And if only one is better, am I still a loser? And on what scale, in fact, are achievements measured?

Who achieved more: a world weightlifting champion who lifted two of his own weights, or a three-year-old kid who lifted a kilo bag of sugar? And how can we compare, for example, the achievements of Mstislav Rostropovich, Nikolai Valuev, Bill Gates and Albert Einstein? Which one is tougher? And for example, Giordano Bruno, is he a lucky man because he is a great scientist, or a loser because he was burned?

Funny, in general, it turns out a thing - a comparison. No matter how you slice it, we are all losers. Because there is definitely someone who has achieved more. And there is definitely someone who has achieved the same … Stop. How are we going to measure? In general, see above.

As a result, it turns out that feeling like a loser is in no way connected with real achievements and success. By the way, have you ever thought about the fact that the word "success" is derived from the verb "to be in time"? That is, success is when a person managed to do what he was going to do. And, therefore, in order to feel like a successful person, you need at least to know what you want to do, and as a maximum - to be able to do it. And all the other failures are from the evil one, you know.

Yes, there is another difficulty here: to distinguish what I want from what I should want. If you knew how many rich, famous and seemingly successful people by all criteria were sitting in the chairs of psychotherapists, psychologists and psychoanalysts … They achieved what they should want - only somehow there is not enough joy in life. That's all success for you.

So we have one version of bad luck - the one about the lack of luck and the machinations of fate. And here it was just the right time to remember about that metaphor with the carpet.

Put yourself in the place of fate, which weaves this notorious carpet. You have your own plan, and you are trying to put all the threads at your disposal into the desired pattern. One thread has rebelled and does not want to take its rightful place. The dissident thread is torn all the time to lie down in some kind of squiggle, which completely destroys all the harmony you planned. And you are patiently - after all, it is not worth it for fate to be angry with unreasonable people - you are trying to return the disobedient to where she must decorate the carpet. And once she was prevented from spoiling her beauty, and another, and a third … But when will she calm down?

Now change your point of view and imagine yourself as that very naughty thread. How will you perceive the efforts of fate to return you to the true path? That's right, like real footboards. And you will be angry, and you will be offended - you are not destiny, you can. And you will definitely feel like a failure. Or a loser. In general, a person is extremely unlucky. Fate does not help you, but builds solid intrigues!

And fate actually sits high, looks far away, and it, go, knows exactly which road in life is yours, and which is quite the opposite. She is trying with all her might to tell you: do not go there, there will be no good. Feel free to not listen to her tips!

Probably, someone will be indignant: what about perseverance? And what to do with the fact that the road will be mastered by the walking one? Well, every time something doesn’t work out, decide that fate doesn’t like this “something”, and immediately abandon your intentions?

Well, why. Not at all. You remember that the fate of our weaving metaphor is very favorable to human initiatives. Will she look at some thread that seeks to lay out its pattern on the carpet, figure out how everything will eventually look like, or maybe nothing? Maybe that would be even better? And will graciously change its original design - with gratitude to human creative thought.

You will say: all this, of course, is beautiful, but what to do?! Here's what to do specifically to not be - or feel like - an unlucky person?

And the answer, by the way, is the same - for both interpretations of the word "loser". If we are talking about a loser compared to someone, then it makes sense to remember once and for all: WE ARE ALL LOSSERS. And all we can do is try our best to DO WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO DO. True, to begin with, it will take a lot of effort to understand what we really want. And whether we want it or someone wants it from us, it is supposed to want it, etc.

And if being a loser for you means being "out of favor" with fate, it's the same here! If fate has already created us the way we are, then we are best suited precisely for the role in the carpet of life that fate has outlined for us. It remains only to understand what we really want, sorry for the obsessive repetition…

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