Conflicts with a teacher: 5 ways to solve

Conflicts with a teacher: 5 ways to solve
Conflicts with a teacher: 5 ways to solve

For Teacher's Day, we find out how to help a child solve problems at school without harming the child's psyche.

Conflicts with a teacher: 5 ways to solve

In the mind of a primary school child, a teacher is the most important and most important person in the world. The self-esteem of a small student depends on him: if the teacher is dissatisfied, the child sincerely considers himself bad and incapable of anything, and if he praises, he blossoms from a sense of his own success. What to do if the relationship with the teacher does not add up? Looking for solutions.

Causes of conflicts

    By and large, only adults are to blame: on the one hand, teachers, who often do not have sufficient skill and desire to understand the essence of the child's behavior, and on the other, parents, who rarely try to understand the true sources of problems.

    • A child with pronounced creative thinking comes to a tough authoritarian teacher, growing up in an atmosphere of emancipation and trust. Such a child is accustomed to expressing his opinion, it is difficult for him to sit in one place and repeat boringly memorized phrases. At the same time, the teacher sees in the student a lack of respect and education, and in general - a threat to his authority.
    • A teenager asserts himself in the team by confronting the teacher. For some of the children, this is the easiest way to win the respect of classmates. Especially such a conflict flares up with a teacher who is unable to cope with his emotions, easily loses his temper.
    • The teacher pays special attention to neatness, appearance, design of notebooks and diaries, and the child is not yet able to meet these requirements. As a rule, such conflicts occur more often in elementary school, but from time to time they “crawl” into secondary school.
    • A child is bored in class because of the teacher's low qualification or, conversely, the child's high level of preparation. Such a child begins to comment aloud, to criticize the teacher. If the latter cannot emotionally react correctly, a confrontation begins.

Worrying symptoms

Tension with a teacher is a very traumatic situation, not only in elementary school, but also in middle school and even in high school. A child who enters a conflict alone cannot withstand such a psychological load and can “give out” any reaction: from loss of interest in learning and rebellion against all adults to prolonged depression, illness, and even suicidal attempts. Therefore, the conflict must not be allowed to go far.

Andrey, father of 13-year-old Alexei:

Signs of serious problems at school:

  • A sharp change in behavior. For example, an active and cheerful child suddenly becomes withdrawn and silent, while an affectionate child begins to be terribly rude.
  • Inadequate reactions to habitual words and actions. The child may pull his head into his shoulders in response to a call to him, be frightened by a phone call or an alarm clock, shield himself, as if defending himself from blows, when trying to touch him, etc.
  • Loss of interest in studies, reluctance to go to school, refusal to do homework, while lowering self-esteem: "I'm not good at math" or "I'm not going to be a programmer."
  • When asked about some subject or teacher changes face, becomes rude and aggressive, refuses to say anything.
  • Records of bad behavior in class are mostly by the same teacher.

causes of conflicts

5 steps to problem solving

The main task of parents is not just to save their son or daughter from problems, but to help them gain experience in civilized conflict resolution. And what steps you take with your child depends on his behavior in adulthood: in conversations with superiors, with restless neighbors, with a spouse.

Step 1: Listen to the child

Don't stop your child from expressing his emotions. First say that you are aware: “I think you and Maria Ivanovna are in conflict,” and then clearly define the task: “I want to know what you think about this.” Try to restrain yourself and not pull: “Don’t you dare talk like that about an adult!” or evaluate: "The teacher is right, but you are wrong." If it is difficult for a child to express his feelings (which often happens with elementary school students), try to help him with the wording: “You think this is unfair”, “You are offended”, “You are afraid”. When the child understands that this conversation was not started in order to accuse him, he will be frank. He will understand that you are on his side, that you support him. But the other extreme is no less harmful - to scold the teacher in front of the child: “Yes, she herself does not understand anything!” Thus, you demonstrate that in case of a conflict, you can always hide behind an adult.

Step 2: Start a discussion

No need to impose your opinion and give assessments. Your task is to analyze the situation together with the child, to see it from different angles. Calmly ask: “When did you first feel that she did not like you?” Put forward versions: “Maybe she is annoyed by the fact that it is difficult for you to be silent for a long time?”. Develop a plan for moving forward.

Step 3: Talk to the teacher

Come to school only after discussing this with your child. If he asks you not to advertise your visit, follow his request and come after class. In a conversation with a teacher, the rules are the same: you need to try to remain neutral. Do not blame, do not justify your own child, but simply listen to the point of view of the other side. Let the teacher talk about how he feels, how he sees the causes of the conflict.

Step 4: Have a threesome conversation - you, the teacher and the child

This is good because the conflict is not hushed up and the parties can express everything they think about. But this happens already after the most emotional part was splashed out before, in a conversation with you. In this conversation, again, the main thing should be not criticism and not mutual accusations, but the search for a way out. Work as a mediator - collect offers and work out compromise solutions.

Step 5: Make a decision

If the first three steps have not yielded results and the conflict flares up with the same force, then it is time to act. In the event that the teacher is obviously wrong, do not be afraid to contact the school administration, the department of education. Do not forget: now you are laying in his mind an algorithm for resolving conflicts, he must see that sometimes you act decisively.

If the conflict has gone too far, consult a child psychologist. Perhaps the only way out of the situation is to change the school and the teacher as soon as possible. And in this case, you don’t have to wait and persuade the child: “Well, be patient for another half a year until the school year is over.” For a child, especially a primary school student, this is too long a period of time, which can lead to neurosis or an aversion to learning for many years.

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