Child is rude. Opinions

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Child is rude. Opinions
Child is rude. Opinions

Our readers and psychologist gave their opinion on how to deal with a child who is rude and offends his younger brother.

The child is rude. Opinions

In one of the letters, our reader asked what to do if a child is rude and offends his younger brother. Site visitors spoke about the conflict with the teacher. Their answers, as well as the psychologist's commentary, we publish today.

Reader opinions

The child had to be prepared in advance for the appearance of a brother or sister - says one of the readers, the mother of three children - if the child is psychologically prepared for the fact that he will not be the only one in the family, then conflicts can be avoided, and the older brother will become an assistant parents in matters of care and upbringing of the younger ones.

The older child needs attention, which now almost completely belongs to the younger one - this is what many of our readers think. The best way out is to learn how to distribute attention between the eldest and the youngest child, without infringing on the rights of the eldest to communicate with parents. an older child needs to be hugged, stroked and kissed more often so that he also feels loved. You can take an older child and go for a walk in the park with him. let him talk about what is important to him - the main thing is to let him speak. Talk to the child not from the position of the educator. and from the position of a friend, then there will be fewer conflicts, according to site visitors.

Much depends on the age of your eldest son. For each age there are methods of influence and suggestion. worst of all, if the habit of being rude is already entrenched - in this case it will be difficult to cope with it and all the attention and patience of mom and dad will be required.

Some of our readers suggest that. perhaps the child simply has nothing to do. in combination with the “teenage crisis”, the situation can get out of control - a mother of two sons aged 10 and 2 shares her experience. At the same time, she believes that her main task is to prevent "bloody battles", and conflicts and "showdowns" among themselves can even be useful.

Some visitors advised our heroine to consult a psychologist without delay. A specialist - they believe - will quickly find the right way to resolve the conflict. Therefore, we also turned to our psychologist for help.

Advice from a psychologist

An answer to a reader's question is given by psychologist Svetlana Vladimirovna Filyayeva

You have well noted the moment when you also begin to operate with a “whip”, and the aggressive, defiant behavior of your son receives the same response in your face. By your example, you can understand that aggression is a secondary feeling. There is always something behind him. You begin to “shout, demand” when resentment, fatigue, anger, a sense of powerlessness, a desire to protect yourself appear.

A child has about the same list of reasons. It is no coincidence that you chose the same words to describe the behavior of your son - he also "shouts, demands." Therefore, it is important what is hidden behind the manifestation of aggression. Try to look at the situation from this point of view, it will help reduce emotional stress and analyze some points.

Ask yourself some questions. If the scenes are repeated - what can they have in common? Who is involved? You mentioned yourself and your youngest son. Is your older boy acting the same with anyone else? What usually starts a fight? Have you ever had a case where a scream was avoided? What helped you?

Try to determine for yourself what you react to more - the very fact of rudeness or the topic of the dispute is more important to you?

You are asking if anyone else has had this problem. In the section of an expert psychologist you can read answers to similar questions, there are also some recommendations, including literature for parents.

I have already talked about the book by Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter “Communicate with a child. How?” is a good daily guide for parents with specific tips.

But to understand the situation, it would be good to work with a specialist. The reasons are different in each case, and you need to take into account the whole picture - the situation in the family and with the son at school, how old the youngest is and how their relationship developed, sometimes even how your pregnancy proceeded matters.

It will not necessarily be a long-term work, it is quite possible that you will get just the right perspective, support and direction for change.

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