One minute for the most important: about important things, without which the happiness of a child will not be complete
In the head and diary - a full house. Cases run into one another - and all urgent. We paint our eyes in the car, iron our clothes to a TV series, and read a story to a child while checking our e-mail…
About simple and important things, without which a child's happiness will be incomplete, - editor of the children's section Olga Chernomys
We are certainly not magicians, but we are already close to it. Because to manage in this crazy life to be successful beautiful women and caring mothers is a special kind of art, almost fantastic. And the current parents succeed in this magic, no matter what. We know a lot about children and therefore we do not ignore even minor sores, we monitor the ecological purity of products and rush into pedagogical innovations and he alth systems with passion. We breastfeed for immunity, temper with ice water, consult with psychologists, order stunning gifts on the Internet and take them to the best resorts in the world. We talk with children on a mobile phone (the coolest) several times a day and meticulously choose books. At the same time, we ourselves work hard like crazy, go to cosmetologists and fitness clubs and look 10 years younger than our passport. I think our children are lucky in many ways. They "received" brave, strong and smart parents who are no longer afraid of the new and have not yet acquired a skeptical attitude to life.
But there are things for which there is a catastrophic lack of time and which do not seem to be so serious. Although it is on them that the child’s feeling of the warm world around, in which everything is fine and everything is in place, depends. So put things aside for a while and take the time to give the kids a few minutes of pure happiness.
Say: "I love you." It only seems that our love is obvious and expressed by actions. In fact, every moment of every day, the child worries about being loved. After all, children live here and now, it is still difficult for them to understand that going to the dentist or being scolded for spilled glue are also manifestations of love. Psychotherapist Madelena Rosenblum, who has many years of experience in Russia and the United States, in her book "Me, You, Our Child - Growing Up Together" talks about how depressing her at first was the manner of Americans to pronounce declarations of love sacred to us dozens of times a day: “With these words, the mothers accompanied the children to school, with these words they met them after the kindergarten, with these words they put them to bed. "How much is possible!" - I thought sadly. Now, 15 years after many years of study, after hundreds of patients, I firmly say: a child needs to hear this phrase every day, every hour, and still he will have doubts that he is undeniably and always loved.
Tell your child about your love for no reason and without prefixes "because" and "despite". Find the strength to say this when he is guilty, because your love does not depend on his behavior or character.
Ask for forgiveness. And it would seem - is it difficult? "I'm sorry, baby, I made a mistake" or "It's my fault, I forgot-lost-thrown away." Or do you seriously think that parental authority may suffer in this case? Most of us, albeit unconsciously, believe this way, because we want to be infallible, even if only for our children. Isn't it?
The great teacher Janusz Korczak said it best of all: “Children are not allowed to criticize and notice our peculiarities, bad habits, funny sides. We build ourselves to perfection. Only a child can be bared shamelessly and put in the pillory…”
But everything is arranged so simply. Only the strong and generous can ask for forgiveness from the weaker, thereby demonstrating: I am doing this not because I am afraid, but because I sincerely think so and respect you.
Yes, a child can be puzzled and confused when an adult says: "It's my fault, I'm sorry." And maybe he won't know how to react. But nothing can replace the feeling of pride that he will experience: "It turns out that my feelings have value, my words mean something." That amazing closeness that arises between people at the moment of forgiveness is impossible in another situation, and it cannot be filled with moralizing.
After all, despite our modernity, sharp mind and positivity, we are not at all perfect. And children love us just like that - why do they need perfection? “Well, you hat, mommy,” my daughter tells me, and there is sheer tenderness in her voice, “I almost forgot the keys to the house again.” “Hat,” I humbly agree, “I forgot. It's good that I have you." And before I finally take these keys, I hug her tightly and say in her ear: “I love you very much.”