Oleg Sus. Family consultation

Oleg Sus. Family consultation
Oleg Sus. Family consultation

Psychotherapist: “I'll say it clearly: you can't wash a mother with an adult son. Why?”…

Oleg Sus. Family consultation

Is this really incest?

Question: One day my husband's mother went into the bathroom while he was washing. And while he dried himself, she undressed and began to wash herself! He was brushing his teeth at that time, they were talking. I had a shock. Although he is a son, he is already a grown man! I asked them not to bathe together in front of me. Mom started laughing at me. Her husband supported her: “These are your complexes …” A day later, my mother moved away from us, my husband says, I kicked her out of the house … Since then, we have been living almost in silence. We sleep under the same blanket, but there is no close relationship. I noticed that my husband was watching erotica when I was sleeping. The neighbor was the best for him. Comes home from work, has dinner with him. Comes back when I sleep.

Answer: I will say clearly and clearly: you can not wash the mother with her adult son. Why? Even strange to explain such things. Because it's embarrassing. Nudity is the territory of intimate relationships, they are only for a husband or wife. And for parents or children - taboo!

Definitely here is the following: in your husband's family, there is an incestuous relationship between him and his mother. And they feel it and try to check how you feel about it. And all the participants in the wrong, but habitual behavior, implicitly understand that they are doing something beyond what is permitted. That is why, after a check or a hidden offer to accept the rules of an illegal game, you were attacked with ridicule. All these “what, didn’t she see me as a child?” - self-explanation. So to speak, the last attempt to impose the rules of the game on you. Tried - didn't work.

When something “illegal” happens in a family, everyone understands it with some kind of “sixth sense” and expects condemnation from others. You definitely received not only for what you did, but also for the whole world, in which there are other traditions. Therefore, their reaction seems to be excessive, and even your hands drop from it.

After the "incest incident" in the bathroom, all the roles in your family are mixed up. Relationships with husbands are more like those of mother and son. You cook food for him, wash him. He watches porn, just that - runs away to a neighbor. Why not a teenager? And his mother took the place of a functional wife. That's why you don't have sex! All of these are things that are unconscious. Your husband does not do this because he chose this. He is a hostage of their family relationship.

What to do now? Your husband is offended by his immaturity. This happens: a man is infantile, and his wife has to “grow” him as much as possible. Because you love him. It's not your fault. These are his "cockroaches". You will have to wait. You can tell your husband about what is written here. Only very gradually: maturity does not come quickly. And one more thing: get out of the role of mommy. Your husband is now a teenager, maybe, and you need to become a girl again in order to win him back. Go on a date, then - to a disco, walk until the morning!

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm still afraid of the dark. What to do?

And you are not alone. It is believed that the fear of the dark is a childhood fear. Not true! Thousands of adults are afraid of the dark. What can be done?

• The ritual of going to bed. During the day, be sure to use physical activity to get tired. Before going to bed, take a walk and ventilate the bedroom. Do not eat heavy meals at night. Turn on light and calm music. Drink soothing tea or warm milk with honey. Read something boring to fall asleep immediately.

• Flood method. To weaken fear, you need to face its maximum, which is called "go for fear." Bravely plunge into the most terrible fantasies, get up at night and go to the darkest and scariest place in the house. And stay there until you let go. Not everyone decides on this. Yes, and this method is only suitable for physically he althy people.

• Imagine that the walls of the apartment become transparent when you are scared. This means that the neighbors will see what you have going on. Someone will immediately rush to your aid, and someone will gossip about the bedlam in your room.

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