Nonna Grishaeva and Quartet

Nonna Grishaeva and Quartet
Nonna Grishaeva and Quartet

How do men survive the notorious midlife crisis?

Nonna Grishaeva and Quartet

How do men survive the notorious midlife crisis? And what do you need to know about this wise woman who wants to live happily ever after with her beloved? Nonna Grishaeva and the actors of Quartet I are arguing about this on the eve of the release of the new film "Middle Age Men's Conversations".

Kamille Larin: Freedom is valuable for a man - in the correct sense of the word. It is freedom in terms of not setting limits and boundaries. If you expose a man to cordons, he will begin to resist, to prove that he is a free man, although he is married. Let him understand at least in words that you allow him everything. If he has an impulse to go somewhere with friends, to be alone - please. He must know that no one will blame him. In many families, a man's trip to the bath is already a tragedy. "Like this?! You don’t spend time with children, but with friends ?! Why do men go to the bath? Firstly, for he alth, because the bath is really very useful, and, by the way, all doctors get tired of reminding you of this. Secondly, if he goes with a group of friends, then in order to talk with them. And then, sometimes you want to switch. The wider your social circle, the more new ideas appear. There should be no swamp! I'm not talking about the freedom to look at other women, probably not a single wife will agree to such freedom for her husband. A man needs movement! By the way, this is also true for women. They also benefit from socializing in women's company.

As far as women's freedom is concerned, I am an Oriental person and I believe that a woman should be domestic. A man is a hunter and gets food, and a woman is a keeper of the hearth. These are hackneyed phrases, but, in my opinion, they are the most true. You can, of course, agree that everyone makes their own career, but this is not my family. Since we got married, my wife has been taking care of the house and son, we have had neither grandmothers nor nannies. But now the son has grown up, he is 16 years old, he is finishing school, going to college, and now it is very important for his wife to realize himself in this life. I will help her with this.

Another hackneyed phrase: a man is a head, and a woman is a neck. But it really is! All the same, it will be exactly the way the woman wants, but the man needs to be made clear that he invented and did all this. And no matter how hard men try to look important, women make them. In childhood, our mother forms us, then we smoothly pass into the hands of the wife, and she is already responsible for how a man looks and what he eats. Look at a man - and you will immediately understand how his woman treats him. Of course, I can cook my own food, I can wash and iron. But a man needs attention! Naturally, like any person, I want to hear warm words coming from the heart, and not the formal "good morning, dear." Although "good morning, dear" is also nice to hear.

A man wants to know that he is the best. When you hear this from the woman you love, you go and move mountains! Deep down, a man wants to hear that you didn’t have anyone before him. But, if a woman is thirty and she had no one, she is either sick or crazy. Therefore, assurances that there were only idiots before him, and he is the best and most expensive.

I think no matter what happens in life, you need to fight for the family to the end. No need to cut the ends. It happens that it seems to a person that it is better somewhere there and now he can easily jump from one boat to another, but often this is only a mirage. Falling in love is a chemical process that occurs in the female and male body, of course, it is important, but you need to think a thousand times and make a sober decision. Do you know what they say? "The first wife is from God, the second is from people, and the third is from the devil." Happiness and love to you!

Nonna Grishaeva: I agree that you have to fight for your family to the end… But about freedom, sorry. I am the owner. She does not agree to share her man with anyone. And in the bath - for God's sake! I know who he's going with. Everything under control…

Alexander Demidov: No matter how much I tried to understand women, I could not do it, and I'm already 39! With every woman I discover something new, new colors are added. I even ceased to be surprised. Over time, I came to the conclusion that there is nothing to try to understand them, you just need to accept them and adapt. The same is true for a woman: the best thing she can do is to accept a man for who he is.

Women need to know that a man is a child for a very long time. Women are initially wiser than men, they have a different purpose by nature - they must raise offspring, be the guardians of the hearth. They are more protected physically and psychologically. Men, on the other hand, remain children, continue to play cars, war games, sometimes behave like boys. Offended, inflated, drunk. Women mature earlier. I remember back in school girls looked at high school boys because their peers looked like kindergarten.

As far as sexual experiences are concerned, a man also matures slowly. From 20 to 30 years old in sex, he is the perfect child! He seeks to grab, quickly possess and escape. A woman initially has a more sensual and deeper attitude of love. And for men, this depth comes only at the age of 35-40, when the number of women or the joy that she agreed is no longer important. Process becomes important, feelings. By the way, this is why middle-aged men often choose women who are much younger: there is an exchange of experience, feelings.

But still, deep down, your man is a child and will remain so. I used to think that the manifestation of courage is to fight back if you are hurt. I always rushed into fights, showdowns. And one day my wife, who is 8 years younger than me, stopped me. We had a bad traffic situation and there were three or four guys in the other car. I fearlessly decided to go out and sort things out with them without thinking about the consequences. She said to me: “Do you think you are showing that you are cool? You only show your childishness and stupidity. They can just hit you on the head, and I will be left without a husband, a child without a dad, parents without a son! I've been less childish lately, and I was taught this by a woman who is 8 years younger than me!

Sometimes a wife becomes a real mother for a man, and this is also bad. In my case, this did not happen, because a child was born, and the wife transferred maternal instincts to him. I hope that when the child grows up, I will already be formed as a man and will not need the woman I love to be my mother. Although every man needs it from time to time! I agree that a woman should be both a lover, and a mother, and a friend - relationships are built on this. Another thing is that a wise woman knows how to manipulate these roles and give one more and the other less, depending on the circumstances.

When a man marries, a huge burden of responsibility immediately falls on him - for a woman, for a child, for a family. Sometimes you even want to run away from all this. A wise woman can only understand this and endure. And when he returns or changes his mind, do not remember the past. We do not remember past merits - what flowers I gave you or what ring, where I took you and with whom I introduced you. And the nasty things that we did to each other, in quarrels, we recall in full. When I ran away from responsibility and acted unmanly, no need to poke me with this for the rest of my life. First of all, this is embarrassing. And secondly, it does not lead to anything positive, bad relationships only get worse.

At 40, a man understands: you can find a woman who will be more beautiful or kinder, but there will also be problems with her! It is very important for a man to find his fighting girlfriend who will be with you, even if you are wrong. If you can be that for a man, he won't trade you for anyone.

Nonna Grishaeva: Men really remain children, only they have bigger cars, and more expensive ones. Women grow up after the birth of a child, and it is really pointless to try to understand us. Men and women are different planets, each with its own civilization.

Rostislav Khait: I'm not married, so I can't judge family relationships. I didn’t have such a thing that at the age of 16 I swore on blood never to marry. It's just the natural course of life: it happened. Now I just don't want it. I will get married as soon as I want.

I think a woman needs to understand that men are different. In the same way, a man needs to understand that women are different. Don't judge your partner's actions by yourself. A man has his own ideas about moral qualities, and, as a rule, he tries to match them. I may think that this is the right thing to do, but a woman may have completely different ideas, and it is very difficult for us to agree. It is ideas about morality and morality that most often come into conflict.

Most often, of course, the views of men and women on infidelity diverge. If I'm romantically involved with a woman and have a physical relationship with someone else, I don't see why on earth she should be jealous. After all, these are completely different areas that do not intersect in any way. I have a beloved woman with whom I make love, and there are girls with whom I sometimes sleep. So what? How does one intersect with the other? We have these words in the play: “If I love my wife and love the doctor’s sausage, will my wife not be jealous of me for sausage?” A woman most likely will not be jealous of a sausage, but she will certainly be jealous of another girl. But why? After all, I do not love her and instantly forget. This is a male look, and it is quite difficult for a woman to understand it.

But, on the other hand, if a woman fully understood me and behaved the same way, I would have killed her. These are different things for a man, but not for a woman! This is such a masculine explanation. I know that I can sincerely love a woman and have sex with another without feeling any feelings for her. A woman can't do that! And if she can do that, then she doesn't really love me? All in all, a nightmare.

The big problem of human relations and at the same time the great joy is that all people are different. We suffer because a woman does not understand us, but in fact we should be happy, because she is so different!

The woman I had an affair with for 17 years never understood why I didn't marry her. I don't know it myself, although I loved her very much. Why didn't I marry her? Somehow it didn't happen. I used to regret it, but I don't regret it anymore. I feel good now, I like to come home alone. If I were met by cries of "daddy, daddy!" and the question of his wife, “how are you?”, everything would be completely different. Maybe that would be a source of joy, I don't know. But it would certainly be a source of inconvenience. Cynical but true.

Most of all I appreciate beauty and adequacy in women. I really like her outwardly, she understands me, I understand her, and we basically do not annoy each other. In short, a utopia and a pipe dream. But these are the things that can make me be with someone together.

I don't care about the economic virtues of a woman. If she wants to cook something, fine. And if you don't want to, you can go to a restaurant and eat there. If she wants, let her clean, if not, we will hire a housekeeper. It is important for me that she feels me, laughs at my jokes and makes me laugh herself. Remember the American film Let's Dance with Richard Gere? The film is very mediocre, but there is one very accurate phrase! His wife, played by Susan Sarandon, is asked what she thinks is most important in a marital relationship. To which she says that the most important thing is to be eyewitnesses, witnesses of each other's lives. This means that a woman is interested in your life, and you are interested in her life. For example, your stomach hurts. Who is interested? Even the closest friends don't care. And the wife should be interested. And, if we talk about a great whole life, this is almost the most important thing.

Nonna Grishaeva: Here we are dealing with a neglected case of a bachelor's disease. Slavochka, selfishness is not the best human quality. And I don’t think that in old age, which, judging by the midlife crisis, is just around the corner, you will still be pleased to come home alone. And yet I do not lose hope to see a woman who will defeat you, or to take a walk at your wedding. Apparently, you need a wife like I played in your movie "Middle Age Talk". But you understand that this is only possible in dreams!

Leonid Barats: And for me, lightness and trust are very important in the family. When I come home at two o'clock in the morning and they don't ask me where I came from, I am so grateful for this that next time I will not come at two in the morning … but I will come at half past one and I will be very ashamed! It’s also not bad for a husband and wife to do different things, each with their own interests and outlook on life. Our director is terribly arguing with his wife about the theater, they have diametrically opposed views on this matter, and this, probably, keeps their interest in each other. Family life needs waves. You haven't seen each other for two weeks - this is one wave, a bright event happened - another wave. Even a scandal is a wave. For a man, something that is a trifle for you can become a highlight. For example, the wife came to the company in an open dress, and everyone paid attention to her, and even a stranger tried to get to know her, because he did not know that her husband was nearby. It's interesting and it's nice. Then you can discuss together the options for the development of this acquaintance, joke. It is only important not to go too far. After all, at some point, your wife got bored or you had a fight with her, but she picked up the phone and called him anyway, and it is not known how everything will develop for them.

I think a woman needs to understand that a man has an inherent desire to attract attention. Oddly enough, often a woman falls in love with you just for what she later blames. When you begin to limit your freedom and become absolutely homely, completely HER, will she still be interested in you? Or is she already cheating on you? It is on this that women often get burned: you took him by the throat and pacified him, he sits at home, washes the dishes - an angel, but he has ceased to be interesting to you. It seems to me that we have developed a formula that is easier for every woman to live with: "All husbands cheat, except yours." Just believe it and try not to check.

In adulthood, men begin to treat novels on the side differently: do you need it or not? You know yourself so well and you know exactly what you will say to the girl you like. And that makes you disgusted with yourself. But, even if you tell her that you are disgusting to yourself, you know that she will like it, because you are such a thin, doubting person…

Actually, a midlife crisis is when the principles you used to rely on stop working. When you were brought up, you learned what is right and what is not. And suddenly you realize that if you behave the way you were taught, you will feel bad! It is not always possible to be good and happy at the same time. I think that the midlife crisis does not go away, you just get used to it. You just get used to the fact that it is not always possible to answer the question “yes” and “no”, between “yes” and “no” there are still a lot of answers. You will not be able to fully live up to what you thought about yourself - neither in work, nor in family life. It is probably right for children to instill certain beliefs and it is right that with age they themselves understand that the world is much more complicated.

Nonna Grishaeva: Oh, Leshka, it's a pity that men need to bring any flirting to its logical end for self-affirmation! And for us women, it is enough to be admired from a distance. And what a blessing that my husband is still very far from the midlife crisis!

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