Family counseling> Relationship with a married man

Family counseling> Relationship with a married man
Family counseling> Relationship with a married man

I'm 38, no kids. I met a man 20 years older than me. He is rich and married. I have a question>

Family consultation

Answers Oleg Sus, psychotherapist,

therapist of the Research Institute of Social Psychology and Psychology of Personality Development.

Answer. Your relationship with this married man is like a love addiction. If there is a feeling that you are stuck in this relationship, spend all your time in imaginary disputes with him, and instead of happiness - suffering, then all these are signs of an obsession with love.

1. Recognize that your condition is a disease. In fact, love is a mutual feeling. It gives joy, heals, fills, soothes. And this is completely different from that obsession with another person, which is often confused with love.

2. Go to a specialist. It's hard to deal with it alone. And choose someone who would understand the treatment of love addiction. It is very good to find a support group, they are in big cities and on the Internet. Read Robin Norwood's book on women who love too much.

3. Become selfish. Learn to separate what others need from what you need, and start focusing more on yourself. Draw a large letter "I" and hang it at home in a conspicuous place. Whenever you stumble upon the “I” with your eyes, or even when you just remember it, think: what do I need right now? And then dare to do something! For example, instead of "thinking about him 16 hours a day," choose something for yourself. At first it will be: to the cinema, to take a walk, whatever YOU want. And at some point, you will sit down with a handsome man at work or, for example, in a bookstore, to chat about what YOU are interested in.

What else?

Give the man space. If you agreed that he does something, leave it only to him. You are not allowed to criticize what he did. Focus on yourself!

Arrange a farewell ritual,if you are going to part with your current man. And you can stay with him for a while. It doesn't matter. Remember: if you focus on yourself and leave space next to you that is not under your control for a man, he will appear.

Question> After giving birth, I gained weight and am embarrassed to go to the beach.

Answer. It's up to you to lose weight or not. But there is one thing to learn from confident people.

  • Love and accept your body. After all, already now under a layer of fat there is your slender body. And you can notice it! To do this, take a close look at yourself. Find 10 body parts you like about yourself. And half of them should be below the neck. Often a woman who does not accept her body focuses only on what she does not like. We end with this and look for what is beautiful. This quest goes best with a man who cares about you.
  • Dream up and imagine where in your body there is an invisible border between your slender body and excess fat. Sincerely tell yourself, “I love my body.”
  • Start showing love for your body in concrete actions. Swim, go for a massage, sauna, spa. Buy yourself gifts. This is where you go to the beach, but always with a feeling of self-love. And everything will work out for you!

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