Even a perfectly prosperous family life is often devoid of the romance of first dates.
Wheel of happiness
“In general, everything is in order with me: a beloved and loving husband, moderately hooligan children, an interesting job … But at some point it came to the realization that something important was missing in life. This "something" is almost indescribable. In the early years of our marriage, we lived and breathed in unison. We lived each new day together, sincerely interested in each other, and looked forward to the next one…
Over the years, it is becoming more and more difficult for me to maintain this “eternal fire” in myself and in my husband, while maintaining the freshness of perception. Bright, unforgettable moments were replaced by a comfortable measured life, we began to sink into a routine. “We stopped doing crazy things,” said one movie character. And so are we.
At some point, I felt devastated, as if that magic crystal had been lost somewhere, which used to turn our relationship into an unforgettable series of meetings. Everything is explained: a busy work schedule, children, household chores…
Our family life was saved from disintegration by an almost anecdotal episode. A few years ago, my husband suddenly felt ill, the ambulance took him to the hospital, where he spent almost two months. It happened in the summer, the children were in the country. I was very worried about my husband and ran to him in the hospital as if I were going to work. After being discharged, he had to spend a couple more weeks at home. On one of these days, he came up with a brilliant idea - to drive through the villages near Moscow in search of … wheels from a cart. It seemed to us then that it would be a great design move for a living room in the country - a wheel on the wall! One weekend we went on an expedition. In the very first village, we came across a barn, next to which stood a half-disassembled cart and two wheels of our dreams lay on the ground. While we were looking at which of them was better preserved, some grandfather came out to us. I had to say something. The husband unexpectedly issued: "I am a theater director, but here she is (here he expressively looked at me and pointed his finger) - the leading actress of our troupe." After these words, the man somehow started up and drew himself up. Of course, all this was, to put it mildly, an exaggeration, because both of us are engineers and have nothing to do with the theater! But to consolidate the effect, he (the husband) also announced that he was preparing to put on a performance on a revolutionary theme and he needed at least one wheel from a cart for the scenery. It seemed to me that the grandfather was struck by this news, he resignedly agreed to give both. We thanked him, promising to invite him to the premiere. Picked up a wheel and drove it home. How we laughed a little away from the barn, and then, at home, when we told this story to children and friends! This adventure brought us very close, helped us see each other in a new way and seemed to breathe new life into our relationship…”
Do you remember how it all started?
Memories of the first days, months and years of life together for every couple are always shrouded in a romantic haze. Many couples believe that in their life the candy-bouquet period was the happiest. Then everyday life begins, in which there is a grinding to each other, often accompanied by dramatic experiences of partners. And one has to forget about the lightness, beauty of relationships, about the daily feeling of the holiday, which marked the very beginning of history. At the same time, you can love a person, feel passion for him, but at the same time feel some discomfort next to him. Over the years, there is a danger of getting bogged down in quarrels and domestic conflicts.
The birth of a child can also complicate the situation. After all, almost all the time you have to devote to the newborn, and less and less - to each other.
But the essence of partnership, marital relations is not only to solve only domestic issues. It's about not forgetting that parents are also close people, spouses, lovers … It is not difficult to return the feeling of joy from communicating with each other. Family Therapists Recommend Universal Recipe…Dating Each Other Regularly.
Bring romance back into relationships
Dating helps us to feel that life is really about more than parenthood and overcoming everyday difficulties. In a sense, this is a return to that sweet time of the first meetings, when we were just getting to know each other and were fascinated by each other.
The initiator of such a rendezvous can be a man. Although more often than not, the idea to return the freshness of perception to a relationship occurs precisely in a woman who is more sensitive and emotional. It is she who feels the lack of greater spiritual intimacy with her husband, lover, partner.
An important condition for such a date is to plan joint things that you have never (or for a long time) done together. This is necessary in order to be able to see a partner in a different light, getting to know another side of his personality that was unknown to you until this moment.
Such meetings in an unusual setting can be improvisation. At some point, one of you wanted to walk around the city in the evening, you make an appointment for another at the very place where your first date took place. And then, without hurrying anywhere, together you will walk along the well-known routes that every couple has: quiet courtyards in the center, lanes, embankments, parks. You can end your walk in your favorite cafe or restaurant.
But no less the charm of those dates that were well thought out and planned by you. By the way, it doesn’t matter at all what you do during these hours, the main thing is that you spend them together (you can entrust the care of children to a nanny or agree with grandparents). Also remember that what you decide to devote a few hours to should suit both of you.
It is possible, however, that for some couples an unusual, but at the same time, the most desirable pastime can be … a family evening in front of the TV. Such quiet joys will be to the taste, for example, spouses who are very busy with their business and career, who rarely can afford the luxury of communicating with each other at home … If your tastes and interests do not match, you can specify the details. Let's say you are a theatergoer who never misses a single premiere, but football is closer to him. So you buy two tickets to the theater and invite him to the play. He is two football tickets and you watch the match of the century together…
In our view, intimacy always becomes the crowning achievement of a love date. A rendezvous with your own husband may not end in a sexual relationship. Except when only sex keeps a couple together. If at least one of the spouses is uncomfortable or in doubt, do not insist on it.
Sexologist Sergei Agarkov believes that it is important for spouses to be able to maintain erotic tension in relationships and not try to revive their sexual life, trying on, for example, the image of a fatal seductress that is not characteristic of you. It will rather scare the man. And half-hints, casual touches, compliments - all this will let him know that he is the only and desired one for you.
A universal recommendation for every couple: don't be lazy to date each other!
Family therapist Inna Khamitova reveals when dating her own husband will help and when it won't.