We will have a baby

We will have a baby
We will have a baby

Thoughts about what kind of mother I will be are familiar to everyone. What if I don’t understand my child, I don’t feel when he feels bad?

We will have a child
" Will I manage? What if I can't understand my child, I won't feel what he needs, I won't see when he's feeling bad?

Thoughts about what kind of mother I will be are familiar to everyone who is expecting their first child or just planning a pregnancy. What kind of mother will I be? Who is a good mom?

Our expert and author, psychologist Svetlana Filyayeva, will tell about what and why expectant mothers are concerned about, and most importantly - how to treat it and what to do about it.

  • You can ask your question to psychologist Svetlana Filyayeva on the expert's page

We will soon have a baby - the difficulties of the first time. We will soon become parents - the anxieties and joys of the first time. What kind of mother will I be? Who is a good mom?

Thoughts about what kind of mother I will be are familiar to everyone who is expecting a baby or just planning a pregnancy. Gradually, the realization comes that yes - I really will soon become a mother, this is really happening and this is happening to me. We try on different models of behavior, observe families of friends from a different point of view, reconsider the experience of women in our family.

Everyone, of course, has her own way to understand the role of a mother. Being a parent is a lifelong journey, answers come to questions, and new ones immediately appear. Let's talk about what most often worries the expectant mother.

Fear - will I cope with the difficulties of the first time? So many new things - suddenly I can’t understand my child, I won’t feel what he needs, I won’t see when he feels bad ?

You need to be aware that the first time is difficult, like any other period of change. Surely, you can remember a similar situation from your own experience - a new job, moving, meeting a future soul mate and starting a family. You did it then, found the resources, adapted, built in - so you can do it now.

The first month after birth is the time for mother and child to adjust to each other, getting used to, recognizing. Your competence will improve day by day. At this time, it is important to learn to trust your intuition, to find ways to interact with the baby. It will take some time, no need to rush. A new mode of life, sleep, nutrition is being established. Try to relax as much as possible at this time, relax after childbirth and direct all attention to the baby.

Can I do everything at home? Acceptance of help becomes very important at this point. In the history of many cultures, in the first month or two, the house where there was an addition remained closed to visitors. Shortly before the birth, relatives came to take care of all household chores in the first days. All this created a certain atmosphere, helped the mother to enter a new role, to be with her child, not to be distracted, not to waste herself emotionally and physically on anything else.

But you should not rely only on your nature, that everything will somehow work itself out. You need to prepare your parenting position. During pregnancy, pick up books, magazines about parenting, attend courses for future parents, meet, make contacts, communicate more with those who already have children. This will add confidence, give emotional support.

FROM A LETTER FROM Ekaterina, mother of six-month-old Masha.

“We formed a whole company at the mom-to-be school. We got to know each other and went together not only to classes, but also walked, went shopping with enthusiasm, picked up cute little things for children, shared the right addresses, information about various discounts, promotions. What a blessing that I have new friends, I fully appreciated when Masha was born. I remember well the day when for the first time the baby cried for several hours in a row, I remember my despair, fear. By evening, I began to call the girls, and suddenly it turned out that all the children were naughty that day, they didn’t eat or sleep well. It became clear that the cause was not some terrible disease, but simply a sudden change in the weather. What a relief it was for me, plus they gave me some good information about soothing bath herbs. I felt calmer, and my daughter soon fell asleep as well.”

Mutual understanding in the family. Mom and dad have exactly the same level of competence in the early days. You will grow and develop as parents together. The establishment of the first connections with the child, understanding occurs through contact. It is very important for dad to find his own language, his own way of interaction, to feel like not an outside observer, but a full participant in all important events in his house.

You don't need to drive dad away if he does something clumsily, don't build a defense of nannies and grandmothers. A dad can do much more than get a baby in the form of a package and complete the task of walking with a stroller for two hours in the park. All parents are well aware that it is the dad who manages to calm and put the baby to bed in the evening. Mom is usually tired by the end of the day, she needs time for herself. Dad can take on a pleasant evening bathing ritual. This is a special time for both child and parent.

Fears of the first time quickly recede, try not to rush things, do not look ahead, but enjoy the unique moment that you are living now. The first day, second, week, month will pass - the baby will change, each of these days will be valuable and special, it will bring something new to the treasury of your parental and human experience.

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