The matchmaker of the program "Let's get married!" returned to her husband. “Before that, I thought that if a husband beats his wife, this is unacceptable.”
The next day, after Andrei Malakhov's program “Let them talk”, in which I talked about what I had to go through when my husband Yuri raised his hand against me, I had a seminar in Odessa. The hall was full - everyone wanted to see a woman who talks about how to save her love at a time when her own family is on the verge of divorce. After the seminar, an Odessa woman came up to me and said: “I went to your seminar to gloat, to see what you are like … But I listened to you all day and realized that I didn’t want to divorce my husband, although before that I had such a desire thank you.”
Before this story, I thought that if a husband beats his wife, this is unacceptable. And at that moment I was very hurt and offended. I did not answer his phone calls and letters. I completely went to work to drown out my feelings.
But at some point, thanks to his perseverance and common sense, he managed to get through to me. We met and talked. And I began to analyze what happened between us. I realized that everything is not as simple as it seemed to me before. An ordinary man cannot raise his hand to his wife without any reason. Our situation has shown that we are talking about ordinary men who are driven to extremes, and they behave this way because they do not know how to do it differently.
Before the wedding, at the moment of meeting, we willy-nilly strive to make a favorable impression on each other. I call it a declaration. That is, I make it clear to my future husband that I will be a good wife to him, his rear. And he promises to make me happy. After the wedding, these promises must be kept. Only here the newlyweds begin to get to know each other for real. And I was ready for the fact that Yura, like a normal man, would show some shortcomings. But then I ran into his pathological jealousy. And I had to learn how to live with it. But a jealous person will always find a reason for jealousy. At that moment, Lydia Fedoseeva-Shukshina helped me a lot and supported me. She said, "Be patient." It turned out that Vasily Makarovich was a very jealous person. They often had such passions!
But it so happened that it was during this period that I had a very busy work schedule: active shooting in the Let's Get Married! program, my own business, at the same time I was finishing another book … It was a very hard rhythm of life. Sometimes I didn't have the strength to talk to my husband. Imagine, I am constantly in public and say something, I say non-stop - on the program, with clients, at interviews, at presentations … You come home, and the husband asks: "Rose, talk to me." And I don’t have the physical strength for this already…
My mistake is that I forgot what is my priority. After all, a husband needs a wife at home, not a businesswoman or a TV star. I missed an important moment in our relationship - we stopped talking, trusting each other.
And the husband interpreted this situation differently. After all, before that I was gentle with him, we shared our thoughts and experiences with each other. And then at some point everything changed dramatically…
Moreover, show business is very cruel, there is intrigue, envy. It turned out that some “well-wishers” to Yura were whispering gossip about me behind my back. He began to doubt my love, loy alty. But in this crazy race I didn’t see, didn’t notice what was happening to my husband. As a result, the situation got out of hand - he severely beat me.
But I also behaved unworthily in this situation. I always tell clients: whatever happens in the family, give yourself time to cool down, in no case be guided by anger and resentment. After all, time will pass, and you will be ashamed of your words and deeds. And she herself could not use this advice in her family situation. Offended, I said not very pleasant things about my husband in various media.
Oddly enough, but the fact that my private life became public helped me understand what is really valuable and important for me. I had to click on the nose so that I could finally see what was happening around. I realized that at some point I lost myself.
Yura managed to get through to me. And we started learning to talk to each other. I began to wonder what repentance and forgiveness are…
After this story, women often reproached me, they say, what can I teach others if I myself chose a husband who beats me. I replied that I chose the right one. And she asked a counter question: “What could you forgive your husband?” - "Everything". But, when I start to clarify, and they forgave their husband, if he raised a hand against them, they answer in the negative. What if he changed? Also no. Then the last question: do you know how to forgive? It turns out that no.
I'm looking for the spiritual strength in myself to be generous, to forget the offense. I am looking for the strength to forgive. Only through this is acquired the trust on which the family rests. Love is an act of faith, whoever believes little, loves little. Love is fueled by faith. I seek strength in myself and walk the path of forgiveness. Living with a man is hard, but also happy. Family is a place where you will be understood and forgiven.
The most important thing is that we have learned to talk to each other.