We have a lot of reasons for irritation during the day: a mess in the house, the behavior of children and husband, frustrated plans - and a million more reasons. How to stop getting irritated?
- The main secret of working with irritation is awareness and acceptance of this feeling. A little more - and you will be ready to burst with anger? Take a break and try to realize the extent of your irritation. Is it a strong dissatisfaction with some specific actions of loved ones, or are you one step away from yelling - just like that, for no particular reason? Perhaps you are tired, have not eaten for a long time, have not slept enough, are upset about something? Learn to identify the true cause of irritation - and it will be easier to deal with anger.
- Allow yourself and your loved ones to experience all feelings, including negative ones - they are also part of our personality and have the right to exist. But it is important to learn how to express them correctly - constructively and safely for others. This will help and work with a psychologist, and some games and exercises that you can do on your own. For example, you can play the board games “Our Feelings” and “Emotional Lotto” with the whole family, developed by psychologist Julia Gippenreiter and helping children and adults learn to understand, recognize and express their emotions, or create a special “box of anger” where all family members will be able to "send" their negative emotions (they can be described or depicted schematically on colored stickers, crumpled up a piece of paper, thrown into a box with force).
- Make sure you have enough time for yourself: that you really have such minutes and hours during the day, week, month when you do not have to worry about the needs or feelings of other family members. Perhaps, allocating this time on purpose, at first you will feel guilty: suddenly something happens without your attention or someone gets upset. But any parent needs to restore their resources by doing "adult" things or doing something exclusively for themselves - otherwise the risk of psychological burnout increases.
- Clarify the issue of boundaries in the family: often the reason for irritation is that your boundaries are constantly violated. Voice them: “I don’t allow you to touch the things on this chest of drawers because they are mine”, “I just entered the apartment and I need 15 minutes to recover.” At the same time, respect children's boundaries: give the child the right to choose, be consistent in your decisions, even just knock on the door before entering the nursery.
- Be specific with children. Instead of "be good," say, for example, "get your toys off the floor and don't tease your sister." Are you giving an order? Make it more specific: not "order in the kitchen", but "clean dishes in their places, clean floor, clean stove." For clarity, the main requirements can be depicted in the form of posters or reminder notes, which will list the steps to take.
- Allow yourself to be a “bad mom” sometimes: no one can always remain calm and optimistic, we are not robots! Say to yourself: "Yes, I'm not a perfect mom, sometimes I make mistakes, and that's okay." Find someone to complain about your teaching failure: let it be your mother, sister, or girlfriend. It is important that they can deal with your complaints without a strict assessment, without a desire to share their experience. Moral support will be enough to make you feel more confident.
- Find ways to express your feelings and vent your irritation and aggression using your body and voice: jump and dance to loud music, shout (not specific words, but vowels and interjections), roll on the floor, have a pillow fight.