Flirt! This is a relic of the past, invented in order to circumvent the strict restrictions of etiquette and medieval morality. Flirting is not necessary at all in our time of high-speed technology, sexual liberation and the right to be straightforward if you want. However, scientists think otherwise: they are sure that the skills of competent flirting are more useful than even the figures of Jennifer Lopez and the intellect of Natalie Portman. So, how to flirt with a man correctly?
Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University in St. Louis, found that flirting is more effective than physical attractiveness. She studied the behavior of bachelors in bars, malls, cafes and other places where people usually meet. Observation and surveys have shown that the most popular with the opposite sex are not the most attractive people at all, but those who, using basic flirting techniques, demonstrate self-confidence and a willingness to make contact. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman: it is enough to show a sincere interest in someone to be halfway to acquaintance and sympathy.
What tricks can safely be called classic - after all, our grandmothers used them, and, most likely, granddaughters will use them?
How to flirt properly
Remember Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who advised you to smile more often, because someone can fall in love with your smile at any moment. Scientists agree with him, and advise to smile slowly and restrainedly: men like to overcome barely perceptible resistance - let only the eyes smile first, then the corners of the lips, and only then the smile will “play out” at 100%.
How to flirt with a man? An important technique is the very “shooting with the eyes” that the mother taught her daughter in the famous film “Bat”. Scientists have found that "shots" not only attract attention and are a signal to the opposite sex - they can make us more attractive in his eyes. In 1989, the scientific publication on psychology, the Journal of Research in Personality, published the results of 2 studies. In both cases, the participants in the experiments were asked to simply look into each other's eyes. Already this was enough for men and women to experience an inexplicable but strong sympathy for the “object of study” after some time. French flirting lessons.
How to properly flirt with a guy: touches
According to scientists, fleeting touches are the most effective flirting technique. Surveys among bachelors at dating sites have shown that it is important not only to touch the person you like, but to touch correctly. Touches to the face are considered intimate, and therefore they are not always welcome. People perceive pats on the shoulder and handshakes as friendly gestures, which means that they are of little use in the difficult task of flirting. If you want to be remembered by your "subject" and like him, lightly touch his shoulder, forearm or waist.
Modern flirting techniques are more direct and neutral at the same time, thanks to the Internet. A like and a compliment under a photo on social networks, a comment on a post on the wall, the status of an unfamiliar or unfamiliar person of the opposite sex is already a signal. Inviting friends, being a follower, sending funny pictures or interesting posts from groups is a more expressive signal. Signing up for apps like Tinder is literally an announcement that someone is ready to meet and greet. Where to meet a man after 35.
Is women's flirting different from men's?
Is flirting with a girl the same as with a man? The scientists answer: yes and no. The methods are approximately the same, but the reaction of the opposite sex makes adjustments. So, if a woman touches a man, then he perceives it as flirting. If a man touches a woman, then the reaction will be unpredictable. For many of the fair sex, touch is too much, especially at the very beginning of an acquaintance. What remains for the stronger sex, except for ardent glances? The researchers found the answer - a demonstration of dominance. It turns out that in order to seem attractive to a man, it is enough for a woman to be attractive. To appear attractive to a woman, a man has to dominate the space and environment. He subconsciously takes up more space than necessary (puts his hand on an empty seat nearby); speaks louder than necessary; behaves “in a familiar way” with men (puts his hands on his shoulders, playfully pushes); surrounds himself with pretty women. If a man next to you behaves like this and throws expressive long glances at you, he went hunting, and you are the prey. It's time to flirt, smile and flirt!
The main rules of flirting
Don't ignore context
The more informal the environment, the better we recognize flirting. If you want to be noticed in a cafe or bar, just smile or ask a neutral question. If you want to attract attention in the mall or on the street, you have to overcome modesty and try harder - for example, give a compliment or ask for help.
Change your tone of voice and pace of speech
Scientists do not yet know for sure why this happens, but men are drawn to women who speak either faster, then slower, then a little louder, then in a half-whisper, then in a normal timbre, then a little lower and hoarse. Here is such a mysterious rule of flirting with a man.
Show interest in the conversation
Should there be a mystery in a woman? Let it be better in a man. Studies have shown that the more a woman is interested in a conversation, the more a man is interested in a woman. This does not mean at all that it is worth chatting incessantly, but only means that a man diligently maintains a conversation, and a woman appreciates his attempts and rewards efforts.
Be a little more direct
Researchers analyzed the most popular phrases to start dating, and then asked both sexes about their reactions to the "classic" phrases. It turns out that there are 3 types of "starter" tricks: direct ("I'm a little embarrassed / a, but I like you very much"), harmless ("Did you like the movie?") And funny-joking ("Would you treat me with raisins? You have No? Then maybe we can at least get to know each other?"). Do you think everyone likes a sense of humor? It turns out not - both men and women dislike playful tricks. Otherwise, opinions differ: women are more comfortable getting to know each other if a man turns to them with a harmless phrase, and men like directness in women, at least in showing sympathy for them. Remember also an interesting communication phenomenon discovered by psychologists and called “subjective signal amplification”: it seems to us that our flirting is obvious. In fact, we exaggerate our own signals and efforts, and the addressee may not even notice them. So the flirting rule is: Be a little more direct when you're talking to a guy.
You can go all out trying to please everyone at once, but your attempts will be much more effective, flirting more successful, and dating more promising if you try to be yourself and just wait for the right person who will like you for who you are. It will be easier and much more pleasant to “hook” this person. By the way, scientists have proposed 3 questions, the answers to which will instantly show whether the person in front of you is “your”: “Do you like horror films?”, “Have you ever traveled alone in a foreign country?” “It would be great to drop everything and move to live on a yacht, don’t you think?” If your answers match those of the “object”, you are probably made for each other.
Avoid tired people
It turns out that people are much less receptive to flirting when they are tired. This effect is even more pronounced when the fatigue is mental. Just don't waste your time and energy.
Don't let your body speak for you
The body language of a flirting person is very expressive and is easily "read" by the object of interest on a subconscious level. If you want to please, relax: your body will turn at the right angle, take an "open" pose, the pupils will dilate, and the muscles of the face will fold into a half-smile - in general, they will do 80% of the "work" for you.
And what rules of flirting seem effective to you personally?