You are sitting at a table in a cafe (on a bench in the park, on the river embankment, walking along the boulevard) for only 5 minutes, but everything is already clear to you: this is a failure. Worst date ever. And he, judging by his behavior, likes everything … Something must be done! Of course, you can just say goodbye and leave, but what if he turns out to be sticky and will bother you? A little acting talent and he'll never come back. Just pretend you are…
WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE GOING ON A DATE
OPTION ONE: BLUE STOCKING
Bad first date? Be a bore. Answer any question slowly, very slowly, as if you are talking to a moron (although why “as if” …). Throw in and out of place passages about "primary hypertrophy of tendencies," "quintessence of communicative discourse," and "modifiers of behaviorism." Any aluminum dexhydroxyberyllylate will do. As soon as he tries to turn the conversation on you, keep quiet, lower your eyes to the floor and say that you are not used to meeting men and answering such intimate questions, even if he just asked where you are going on vacation.
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: easy
NEEDED SKILLS: rich vocabulary, restraint in emotions
OPTION TWO: KHABALKA
On a bad date, chew with your mouth open, often and for a very long time laugh at any joke. Loudly. Accompany all his statements with remarks in the spirit of “well, you can finally give!” and "nothing!" If the situation is critical - laugh at everything. Answer all questions with as many junk words as possible. He told you: “What kind of movie do you like?”, And you answered: “Well, I’m this, finally I’m a movie, yes, when so, it’s, well, it’s cool like that, and so that it doesn’t go through the brain, in general, so that such a movie was, well, neighing cleanly.”
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Intermediate
NEEDED SKILLS: Proficiency in marginal slang
THREE OPTION: THE HYPOCHONDRIC
Start by complaining about a sudden toothache and finish him off with stories about your illnesses. What, how and at what time of the day does it hurt you. How often. How many doctors in your city know you by sight, what hereditary diseases you got from your grandmother, great-grandfather and father, which pharmacies have discounts on medicines … If it turns out to be persistent, add that you are now being examined by a virologist and immunologist, because you there is a suspicion that the cough that has been pounding you for a month in a row is not without reason … The story of an unsuccessful date will end by itself!
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Intermediate
NEEDED SKILLS: knowledge of medical terminology, no hypochondria (otherwise you will still believe in your own stories)
OPTION FOUR: ABANDONED WIFE
In the middle of the most unsuccessful date, cry and admit that you really can’t forget your ex, who, the goat … And charge the story for 15 minutes, interspersed with tears, sobs, and - of course - the constant “girlfriends no longer listen to they can, but I need to talk!”
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: hard
NEEDED SKILLS: ability to cry to order
OPTION FIVE: THE QUEEN OF SHEBA
Start telling him about the requirements for a future husband. Yes, yes, you are ready only for a serious relationship. And those are the "requirements". Because you and your mom made this list together, and you memorized it. No “I dream that …” and “I hope there is a person who …” Dry, clearly, list the selection criteria point by point. Look at him searchingly, and at the decisive moment, say: if you think you do not fit, you can leave right now. Enjoy his escape. Congratulations, the bad date is over!