It seems that you really like this man and your relationship is developing smoothly and well. You even think that you should already start preparing for the wedding. But questions invariably arise that a psychotherapist, writer Natalya Tolstaya will help answer.
Natalya Tolstaya - psychotherapist, author of more than 10 bestsellers on the psychology of relations between men and women, TV presenter. I remember that Nikolai Gavrilovich Chernyshevsky asked himself the question "What to do?". So I hear the name of his book at receptions most often. So, let's look at the answers to the most common "what to do".
WHAT TO DO IF HE COMPARES YOU TO HIS MOTHER?
Try to find the positive in this! For many men, the mere fact that he compares his wife with his mother is already a great feat. By the way, he may be playing a double game. And mom praises your cooking and housekeeping. Try to find out. If such comparisons hurt you, then “mirror” and start comparing your husband with your father-brother-in-law. The main thing is not with former lovers.
WHAT TO DO IF HE IS FUN WITHOUT YOU?
Perhaps he is ashamed of you because you are too talkative, or do not have a sufficient level of good manners. (By the way, this is a great reason to work on yourself!) It is likely that he belongs to the type of people who are away, like on a business trip: always single. This type is charged for a "chance meeting." This case is clinical and cannot be treated.
WHAT TO DO IF HE CHARGES?
It's completely natural when people want something from each other. The worst thing in personal life (and in work too) is when the expectations of others determine our behavior. This is how freedom is gradually lost. He sets some standards, you don't live up to them. And then you start scolding yourself for it and at the same time throwing out anger at him. The main question that you should ask is: is there any reasonable grain in his words? What are your shortcomings and weaknesses, what are they? If you understand that criticism is not justified, then directly tell your companion that these are his problems, not yours.
WHAT TO DO IF HE DOESN'T SAY WITH WHOM AND WHERE HE SPENDS HIS TIME?
Understand that women and men should have their own personal lives. This is the inalienable right of every person! Do you suspect something serious? Ask directly. Just before doing this, think twice about whether you really need the whole truth.
WHAT TO DO IF HE IS HOLIDAYING WITHOUT YOU?
If your man hunts, fishes and rafts down rivers - rejoice! You yourself are deprived of the romance of unwashed hair and wet clothes. But as soon as he flies to the resort alone, most likely he is tired of you. Or even worse. What is "even worse", I think you know yourself.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE "COOLER" HIM?
Don't support his "rivalry" initiative. Otherwise, he will see you as a man, not a lover. Remove business planning and marketing from the phrase "marriage and relationships." Do not play someone else's role, you do not have to plan and dictate everything.
WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEEMS HE IS BORED BY ME?
Under no circumstances should these words be spoken aloud. Dissect feelings, don't discuss it with him. I call you not to silence, but to action. Self-improvement is not a goal, but a path. Remember: the one that wants to be the only one simply has to be different. Which? A cat has nine lives, a woman has eight roles.
The role of the child: sometimes you want bows, lace, antics, coquetry and frivolity.
Mother's role:child and man are your children, take care of them: cook, scold, praise.
Handy: whims, emotional outbursts, a book before bed, and sometimes a sofa in another room.
"Doctor": slightly exaggerated care, special attention to he alth.
Courtesan:new sex industry, housekeeping - specially trained people.
Society lady: strict outfits, luxurious jewelry, manners and a proud walk.
Woman warrior: a bit of masculine behavior, saving her husband with good advice.
Predator: playfulness, bitchiness and nerves.
Now decide if you are ready to accept him with all the "cockroaches". Think over everything, and if you answer yourself “Ready”, then you should start the pre-wedding marathon. If not, then you should not start this jump with obstacles. It still won't work to re-educate. And it's better to keep looking. Photo: personal archive of the author, pixbay.