Marital Relations Specialist Tracey Cox shares simple tips to improve your mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship and save you from becoming an anecdotal mother-in-law.
Relationship with sister-in-law
Make it a habit to see the good
No, the daughter-in-law does not make your son unhappy, they are both adults and made their choice quite consciously. Make a conscious choice for yourself too - look for the good and you will see it.
Take it for granted - there will be conflicts
People argue for a variety of reasons, and not all of them are directly related to your or her behavior. Often people react in a habitual, automatic way to recognizing a situation from the past that is not relevant to you. Keep looking with an open mind, with an open heart, and the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law will inevitably thaw.
This is not a competition for your son
A son can love both her and you, and this does not contradict one another. It's just different kinds of love, and yes, the wife legally becomes more of a priority for him than you.
Never, never criticize her in front of her son
He may speak of her with annoyance in his hearts, but God forbid you keep up these conversations. A sympathetic nod, yes, but not a development of the topic and not questions. Never criticize your daughter-in-law yourself. If you have real valid complaints about her, write them down and let them rest before you speak up. After a while, it may not be worth remembering.
Choose wording
"I thought she felt uncomfortable in my presence, didn't you notice? What should I do to make it easier for her?” - this phrase sounds much better than: “Yes, she doesn’t want to talk to me, everything turns up her nose!”.
You don't have to love her, but no one canceled the courtesy
For the most part, it doesn't matter if you like your daughter-in-law or not. You didn't choose it, and it's not for you to challenge this choice. If you've tried everything and still nothing warm between you, just be polite. Even if your daughter-in-law avoids you and responds with barbs, just continue to be calm and polite. It is very difficult to be at enmity with someone who is friendly and does not enmity with you in return. And that's how people live. The same goes for the relationship between father-in-law and daughter-in-law.