If you have to raise children and take care of elderly parents at the same time, you may know the feeling that a sandwich feels: “Bread squeezed on both sides, and everyone tries to eat it.” Money is never enough and never gets bigger.
Susan Quilliam, a practicing British psychologist with over 30 years of experience and author of 21 books on the psychology of relationships, offers some tips for getting out of this stress. “So you've fallen into the classic trap called the 'generation sandwich'. Everything rests on you, and everyone around is helpless. What can be done?”.
START THINKING OUTSIDE
Caring about money isn't always the best thing to do, especially if you don't have much money. There are always other ways.
DO NOT SHOW ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY ON YOURSELF
When it comes to providing for your parents, make sure your family is also involved in a balanced way. So, if you regularly help them in everyday life and other daily activities, perhaps your brother, who lives far from his parents, will take over the financial side. Or vice versa.
TAKE CONTROL
Parental education is a painful but sometimes necessary step. If you see that they have begun to freak out on the verge, are ready to make risky and dangerous decisions, stop them. For their own sake. Selling your apartment and investing all the money in a dubious office or donating it to a church is a very nice, but completely irresponsible decision.
DO NOT RELY ON HANDSHAKES
Yes, you are family and you trust each other. But fix all financial and property obligations in writing. Give money, take it - fix it. The courts regularly deny hopeless claims without documents, where initially everyone trusted everyone, but then they stopped. An argument for your relatives: “If we are all going to fulfill this agreement, what prevents us from signing this?”.
DO NOT EXHAUST YOUR RESOURCES
Do not get into debt and loans to cover the debts of relatives. Whether it's children or elderly parents, donate with your own money and make sure you get enough on your own.
DO NOT confuse MONEY WITH LOVE
Spending time together, encouraging, supporting and being proud of your child is more valuable in the long run than gifts, gadgets and fashionable clothes. No need to rush to extremes, of course, and dress him in rags. But killing yourself at work so that your son has a new toy, and not seeing him on weekdays, is also not an option.
GET RESPONSIBLE
Lighten your burden. Teach your kids that life is not freebies and that what they can do is their duty. Make a mutual written agreement with them. But do not think that after one conversation they will immediately and forever help you around the house (they won’t).
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
A lot is required of you anyway. If you live in the mode of a driven horse, why do you need all this? Set aside money for small pleasures for yourself, regularly, albeit little by little. After all, the less stress you get, the more you can take care of your loved ones.
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