Tender baby suddenly become a sullen unshaven teenager? The fact that you need to stock up on valerian is already understandable. Here are 10 more tips for parents of teens on how to stay sane while interacting with a grown child.
Adolescence: Tips for Parents
Research the issue
Prepare for puberty in terms of theory, don't expect to slip through. Read books and articles about raising teenagers as parents, remember yourself (we don't believe that you were the most decent and accommodating teenager in the world), go to a psychologist - alone, without a teenager. Remember that according to evolutionary and biological laws, any grown-up individual must separate from its parents, even if slightly violently - for this purpose, evil birds push their offspring out of the nest. That is why a teenager at some point becomes as unsightly as possible - it smells bad, becomes covered with acne, becomes dull and behaves disgustingly. It is he who separates.
Wait and be patient
You certainly think that now your life will forever be a fight club. It is not, and it will pass. Remember, when he was a year old, he didn’t know how to use a spoon, but he somehow coped with porridge - didn’t you think that you would now have to do a general cleaning of the kitchen four times a day for the rest of your life? Another five years - and a normal person will again settle in the house. What teenagers are afraid of.
How to communicate with a teenager to parents? The phrase "I told you this a hundred times!" no longer an argument. Parrots are resting: learn to calmly and without switching to a squeal, repeat both requests and program things several times. The hormonal teenager hasn't fired up his prefrontal cortex yet, so go to his instincts: “Put your shoes in the hallway. Don't touch my makeup. Drugs are dangerous. Unprotected sex is dangerous. Pocket money is nice. At least something will get stuck.
Build new boundaries
Despite the fact that this citizen is now struggling for independence, the presence of borders reassures him and convinces you that you care about him. You should have rules at home - few, but unshakable, and you will demand their implementation. Do not be rude, go to school, clean up after the cat - for example, like this.
Simple but effective: Ignore vile behavior and actively and emotionally support the rare moments of goodness. Encourage room cleaning, good grades, a suspicious desire to spend time with family rather than with a horde of friends. 10 mistakes in raising a teenager.
Answer any questions
For any! Even provocative ones. By the way, do not offer to “talk” yourself - but start the necessary conversation with your husband, in the kitchen, looking out into the corridor with an exaggeratedly mysterious look and closing the door. A teenager will hear everything he needs and will come running to clarify the details.
Lose the battle - win the war
A teenager just needs resistance to develop - so provide it. For starters, you can ban it to the maximum: don’t read this book, it’s for adults, you can’t skip school, your hair is blue?! No way. Then, reluctantly, after much persuasion and arguments, let me read the “inappropriate” book, paint my hair in a vigorous color and sleep through algebra once. This way you will retain your influence in more important matters like smoking or marriage.
Don't get close
Respect his boundaries. Yes, you absolutely do not need to know what (and with what words) they are discussing on social networks, what he hides under the mattress and who is calling him. And knocking on the door of his room would be nice too. And if he does not want to talk about something - be patient, he will tell you later. This is very important in the relationship between a teenager and parents.
Know the information
Did we write about borders? This does not apply to close observation and data collection. Know who he is friends with, where he goes, how he spends his time. How to study, by the way, you can also sometimes be interested. Do not use this information against him, but keep it handy.
Be on his side
Not only in words, but in deeds: it will benefit your relationship. Scold only at home! Called to school? Nod and be silent. Naughty grandma? Nod and be silent. All showdowns - only behind closed doors, you will come off there.