Pregnancy at 38. Wikipedia is lying

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Pregnancy at 38. Wikipedia is lying
Pregnancy at 38. Wikipedia is lying

An unexpected pregnancy can be a pleasant or unpleasant surprise at any age. Psychologist, Gest alt therapist Svetlana Panina, being pregnant with her third child, still leads classes and an active life on the net. According to her, the manicurist is to blame for everything!

Pregnancy at 38. Wikipedia is lying!

Today I dreamed that I was a paper bag with popcorn put in the microwave. It is difficult to put into words what this package experiences when its contents are heated by ultra-high frequencies from the inside at full power. In a miserable three minutes, a handful of dry and hard corn kernels turns into a huge bucket of divinely airy flakes. When a dozen flakes shot into my liver, and another fifty large shrapnel pierced my stomach, I woke up. The popcorn inside of me kept exploding with endless heels hitting my ribs in all places. My microwave timer is set to 9 months and the fragrant baby is just over four weeks away.

Well, it's time to look back and tell the whole truth about what pregnancy really is to the Wikipedia-raised generation.

Friends. You must know. In this very "pedia" everything is written incorrectly. Lies start with the first line:

Human Pregnancy (lat. graviditas) - a special condition of a woman's body…

What nonsense! Pregnancy is a special condition for everyone who happens to be next to a pregnant woman.

Here people live in peace. Teachers teach. Doctors heal. Manicurists manicure. And suddenly someone notices a pregnant woman and immediately goes into a special state. A person abandons his usual activities and begins to engage in unusual ones.

- Oh! - The doctor is surprised to find the image of the embryo on the ultrasound. - Congratulations, you're pregnant! Wow, getting pregnant at your age…

- I'm only 38.

- Well, I say, getting pregnant after 35 is generally a problem, and even more so when the first child…

- My third one.

- Well, I say, the third child at the age of 38 is… mmm… so wonderful, that is, when there is such a man to earn money and feed everyone…

- I myself earn and feed everyone. I also shoe, dress, teach and entertain. I'm not ready to trust a guy with a controlling stake in this enterprise.

- Well, I say, the third child at 38 years old … No, well, how much you need to love the production process!

Teachers do not react immediately. Every working day they watch a parent who comes to school for older children and becomes more and more impressive day by day. And already politely refuses to stand on a chair before the summer holidays and remove the curtains from under the ceiling, squinting at his navel sticking out of his clothes, smiling enigmatically with the iconic grin of the future Madonna. And even in plain text on the phone he says that before the first of September he will not come to school to move the desks, because he is afraid to give birth right there on the spot.

Teachers get into a special state with direct sparring. For example, when they try to squeeze out of the classroom into the corridor at exactly the moment when someone's huge belly blocks their way in the opposite direction.

- Oh! - Says the teacher, finding that the doorway will not make two. - What happened to you? Why weren't you at the class cleaning?

- Well, I called you. Remember? I promised that I would give birth if I moved the desks.

- As I understand you, we all almost gave birth, moving the desks along with the parent committee. And yet, why didn't you come?

- It's the doctors' fault. They forbade me to give birth anywhere other than the maternity hospital. And they strongly recommended to wait with this case at least until the end of October.

- Oh, this medical humor, ha ha ha! And why do you need to go to the hospital in October, there are no desks there! So why, you say, were absent from the general cleaning?

Employees of beauty salons are the most vulnerable category of victims of someone else's pregnancy.

- So, I didn't understand. What's up with your feet? - the pedicure and manicure master asks strictly, for the first time in several months, trying to look up in the direction from the heel of the client up. Drawing a complex trajectory in space, this look clings to a huge hemisphere that occupies the entire chair. Objects of application of the master's labor are attached to the near pole of the hemisphere. At the far pole, half of the globe is crowned with a face that glows with a special inner light. The face changes color temperature settings slightly and responds:

- Well, you know, many pregnant women have swollen legs in the last month… Here are mine…

- Lucy!!! Lucy!!! - the manicurist starts screaming heart-rendingly.

Working life at the establishment comes to a h alt because it suddenly turns out that the entire staff of the beauty salon, from aquarium fish to a visiting plumber, responds to this beautiful ancient name.

- Lucy! You look who came to us! No, you understand, Lucy, - the manicurist continues, turning to the plumber, - do you understand who spoiled the girls for us?

The plumber, blushing deeply, suddenly starts coughing into the plunger. The goldfish, with its mouth open, looks at the plumber. From behind the back of a goldfish, a hairdresser emerges above the lid of the aquarium, puts her hands on her hips and confirms in a bass voice:

- Exactly. Olka cut her hair in February - she went on maternity leave. Then Lenka painted before the eighth of March. And on May Day she said that she was allergic to paint, and she herself jumped out of marriage on a flight. Natasha Chota does not come for the second shift in a row. A month ago, I did this styling…

Lyusya nods her shoulder at the hemisphere with bare heels. The hemisphere draws the heels in and tries to noticeably decrease in size.

- Listen, Lucy! What should I do? I already have a son, why do I need another one? - The pedicure master is almost crying.

- And I told you, work with gloves! - Lucy mints and authoritatively dissolves in a mist of hairspray.

Do you understand the harm the Internet does to normal people? After all, those who read about pregnancy on Wikipedia are convinced that "Pregnancy occurs as a result of the fusion of female and male germ cells." I don't even know how to comment on this. I now know for certain that at my age and with my lifestyle, pregnancy can only occur from unprotected contacts with pregnant manicurists. I remember before the New Year I had an unsafe express manicure in a random salon.

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