Such children are very easy to notice: noisy, naughty, cannot sit still, do not hear adults. It can be difficult for them to communicate and learn, and it is difficult for their parents to come to terms with the fact that the child is “not like that”. ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is not the result of bad parenting or a disease, it is a disorder that can be learned to cope.
MISTAK 1: YOU DO NOT PERCEIVE YOUR CHILD
There are two extremes here: the first is to consider that he behaves this way because he is simply ill-mannered, “mocking”, stupid and lazy, so you need to be tougher and harsher with him. In some cases, parents treat such a child as a sick baby who needs to get away with everything. The second extreme is to see in such manifestations signs of giftedness and talent, unusualness, to think that teachers simply “do not know how” to teach such an exceptional child.
Both are wrong: ADHD is a developmental feature of your child, not a disease, much less a mental retardation. By the way, boys have ADHD about three times more often than girls, and 40% of hyperactive children have at least one parent with similar symptoms. Signs of ADHD can appear quite early, becoming especially noticeable at preschool age, at 4-5 years. Scolding, educating hard, not paying attention or connivance - none of this will help, because in fact a hyperactive child does not scoff at all and does not ignore the rules. He just can't remember them.
The sooner you get to know this feature, study it and understand what you can do - the better. Strictly speaking, you need to understand only two things - what exactly is violated and how to help.
MISTAKE 2: YOU SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHILD'S SUCCESS ON THE SCHOOL
When sending a child to the first grade, you can warn the teacher about his features, but do this only if you are confident in the professionalism of the teacher. Until now, it is not uncommon for a child with ADHD, who is observed by a neurologist or psychiatrist, to be labeled “not like that”, “nervous”, “psycho”, “unteachable” - of course, this is unacceptable either ethically or humanly. point of view.
The ideal first teacher for a child with ADHD is very calm, measured, without emotional outbursts, patient, systematic and pedantic, at the same time benevolent (very important!) And open, able to accept the child. He should not severely punish the lack of accuracy and diligence, which your first grader most likely will not have. A good elementary school teacher can do all this, even if he doesn't know exactly what ADHD is.
At the same time, oddly enough, honored teachers with thirty years of experience rarely find mutual understanding with hyperactive children. It is from such teachers that mothers most often hear: “I have been working for many years, but I have never seen such a child.”
Let your main goal be to build cooperation between you, the child and the school. It is important to remain at the same time on the side of the child (this does not mean that he cannot be scolded, but he must feel your support unconditionally). And it is equally important to learn not to devote all your free time to school “showdowns”.
But remember that the school has its own tasks - and many of them do not take into account the individuality of the child, but are associated with generalized indicators, graphs and results. The child also has his own tasks: to get the maximum possible from the school curriculum, to learn how to communicate with peers, not to lose self-confidence. And your task is already the third: to raise a happy, independent and responsible person. So when you go to communicate with teachers, tune in to dialogue and compromise in advance, and not to aggressive defense, remain calm, but remember why you are doing this.
MISTAKE 3: YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR CHILD'S STRENGTHS
Age from 5 to 9 years old is the best time when a lot can be fixed, to work on developing the missing skills.
Be sure to contact a neuropsychologist: he will conduct a special diagnosis in order to understand which higher mental functions the child has been disturbed. Despite the fact that the manifestations of ADHD are basically the same, the pattern of disorders in different children can vary significantly, there are problems with processing certain types of information, different types of memory work worse.
A neuropsychologist will not only test the child, but also give recommendations on what to rely on. Perhaps your student has an amazing visual memory, but auditory memory works worse, or vice versa. Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the child, you will understand what to work on, and where he already has a good advantage.
ERROR 4: YOU DO NOT USE "LIFE HACKS"
Because such children usually suffer from organization and planning, various "organizing" methods will help him. These are lists, a variety of "reminders", timers - especially those where hours, minutes and seconds are displayed visually. The child needs clear and understandable algorithms, jointly developed rules for everyday life, school and household chores. You will create a clear, predictable environment for the child, gradually teach him the skills that he lacks - and as they master them, he will become more and more independent.
MISTAKE 5: YOU ARE TOO SERIOUSLY ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S GRADES
You are sincerely upset because of bad grades, you strongly demand their correction. But it is much more important to be in contact with the school, to understand what is happening. Ask the teacher to take into account the characteristics of the child, approach him more individually, explain that your overall task is to teach the child to manage himself, and not to achieve, say, perfect handwriting. Yes, the student is likely to make many mistakes due to carelessness, misunderstanding of the task, due to the fact that he "did not hear" - but this is inevitable.
It will be great if he is allowed to get up sometimes to go out for a drink and stretch, in some cases he will be allowed to hand over the material orally, and not in writing. Such children usually find it difficult to perceive the "impersonal" appeals of the teacher, addressed to the whole class at once: "We opened notebooks, we write." A hyperactive child simply does not understand that these words apply to him. Perhaps the teacher will find an opportunity to somehow draw attention to himself if the child is distracted - not by shouting “Vasya, you’re counting the raven again!”, But, for example, by gently tapping the desk with your finger.
MISTAKE 6: YOU SOLVE SOME PROBLEMS WITH STUDY
It is important to consider the school failures of a hyperactive child in a complex, because it is ADHD that can cause many educational difficulties. Among them are dyslexia (impaired ability to master reading skills), dyscalculia (violation of counting and, in general, the perception of mathematics), dysgraphia (violation of the writing process, mirror spelling of letters or numbers, writing words backwards, confusion of letters), dysorthography (problems with character recognition and their location).
MISTAKE 7: YOU LOSE HOPE
It seems to you that it is impossible to cope with this, because life has become a continuous struggle - for study, for grades, for organization and attentiveness, for the child and with the child.
According to statistics, 40% of mothers of children with ADHD are prone to depression, and divorces in families where such a child grows up are three times more likely. It is very important to learn to understand and accept this situation, otherwise you simply will not have enough strength. You are angry that the child "does not obey" - but he does not do it out of harm. It is very difficult for him and himself to be like this: the line beyond which the child can decide that he is a complete problem is too close, everyone feels bad for him. It is very difficult, and most importantly, dangerous with consequences.
A child should see his mother's love, and not be convinced that he interferes with everyone with his looseness. Pay as much “positive attention” as possible to him, he already has enough negative attention. React emotionally not when he did something wrong again, was late, lost, listened. Celebrate his successes - even the smallest ones, make sure that his life is filled with interesting events and warmth.