A "DO" reader asks a question that worries many whose loved ones are not around. “I recently started dating a wonderful guy who lives on the other side of the country. He is from our city, his parents live here, but he has a business in the capital. Recently he came to visit, we had sex for the first time, and it was amazing! And then we spent the whole night huddled close to each other in our sleep. He wants to earn more and come back here to be closer to me and his family. But these are not concrete plans, so far only talks. I'm 30 and he's 36. How can I discuss monogamy with him? We did not promise each other fidelity, but I do not have the feeling that he is one of those who sleeps with everyone. I adore him and would like to connect my future with him, but I do not know how to talk to him about mutual fidelity without scaring him away. Better to wait and let him talk about it himself?”
It's great that you met your love. You are emotionally attached to this man, you already imagine your future together. In other words, it would be a shock to you if you found out that he slept with another.
Tell him so. You are right: he could be scared if you talk about love and family after one night spent together. But talking about monogamy is talking about nothing but sex. This is not a marriage proposal. You don't have to admit that your heart flutters every time you hear his name, that you dream about the future and secretly imagine your future children.