Firstly, there are much more effective methods of education. Secondly, it's worse for you!
Why are we screaming
Because, of course, sometimes it is simply impossible to keep from screaming: at least once every couple of days, the cap is torn off from any parent. In fact, screaming (and raising your voice in general) is one of the fastest human emotional reactions. The worse we feel - tired, nervous, annoyed, afraid, offended - the more likely we are to yell in response to a childish act, unwillingness to do something, or too slow to respond to our words. Shouting allows us to quickly relieve tension (and this is good), but it acts ineffectively and even destructively on the child (but this is bad).
Why you shouldn't yell
Because your cries for any reason injure the psyche of the child. He will gradually stop trusting you - this time (who wants to trust an incessantly yelling parent?) He will be in constant tension (who knows when you will yell next time). And, most importantly, you still won’t be able to achieve what you want: it’s impossible to perceive information presented in such a refined form. And by the way, looking at you, the child learns that it is not necessary to control emotions at all. And, of course, he will also yell at his children - he doesn’t know how to do it any other way.
And in the long run, this method of education of yours will prevent the child from developing assertiveness - that is, the ability not to depend on external assessments, the ability to calmly and non-aggressively defend one's interests and refuse what is not suitable. A grown-up child will subconsciously believe that he can be yelled at - to the boss, spouse, mother-in-law and an unfamiliar aunt on the street. Because something is wrong with him, he again misunderstood something, left it unfinished and is generally to blame.
How not to yell?
Of course, it's easy to say "just stop yelling", it will be really hard to readjust. Here are some effective tips:
- Monitor your emotions even before they manifest in full force, listen to yourself more carefully. Feeling irritated? Calmly fix it, pay attention to how your body behaves: the muscles of the arms and shoulders tighten, the throat tightens, the jaws tighten. Don't judge your behavior or berate yourself - just shift your focus to physical manifestations, this will distract you from overreacting emotionally.
- The child can't hear you again? Approach him, at the same time look into his eyes and gently take his shoulder or hand, repeat the question or request. So you act immediately on three senses: he saw you, heard you, felt you. And if you're lucky, you'll understand.
- Do you really want to scream? Imagine that you lost your voice (before it actually disappeared): speak in a whisper. It can be threatening and furious, but in a whisper. This will reduce the degree of general nervousness and absolutely attract the attention of the child to you.
- Count to yourself or out loud. That's right, "one, two, three …" Simultaneously with the count, move in the opposite direction from the child. A forced pause will help you all cool down.
- Imagine your family is on a reality show (or sitcom). If you are already yelling, yelling something inoffensive and funny to cause off-screen laughter and applause. But do not get carried away: the constant work "in public" looks no less strange than screaming.