An amazing way to strengthen relationships.
Being the best friend with your spouse or partner is very important for a relationship. But being friends on social media is different. Most often this causes problems.
Family relationship specialist Jan Kerner says he recently unfriended his wife on Facebook as an experiment and noticed that their relationship improved significantly after that. They have improved so much that now he recommends doing this to everyone who cares about the well-being and harmony of relationships in their couple.
Here's how he explains how it works: “I realized that I don't really want my wife to be friends with me on Facebook or any other social network. I don't want to see information about when she drank her third cup of coffee in a day, which cats she liked, or how tired she was after lunch. Understand correctly, I am not a soulless monster, but I would prefer that she share something important with me personally, when it is important to her. And to see every second of her whole life under a microscope, in every detail - it kills any mystery and intimacy.”
In other words, social networks discourage the desire to communicate in person, even among close people. For example, what have you done in the past when you found something interesting that you would like to share with your loved one? You came and told him this. Now you are sending a link through the social network messenger and your communication is over.
Besides, if you can see your partner's every move in their comments, posts or social media likes, what new things will you tell each other when you meet at home? What news will you exchange, what will you share? “Yeah, I saw it and liked it too.”
And all this additional information about contacts: “Who is he to you, that you added him as a friend?” or “No, you tell me why you liked your ex’s posts four times in a day?”
Such limitless information proximity actually separates people. You simply do not have personal space and topics that you could exchange in person.
Medieval torture for lovers is known: if a young man from a noble family was going to marry (and not just twist the romance and leave) a common girl, in some traditions the couple was treated inhumanely. They were tied to each other closely for several days. And they ate, drank, slept and performed, ahem, all hygienic actions in such close contact. After a few days of such intense intimacy, they began to hate each other.
About the same, but much more gradually, happens with the help of social networks.
Jan Kerner also encourages you to put your mobile phones away when you are around. According to a Pew Research Center survey, 25% of people feel abandoned if their partner is on their phone in front of them.
So while the advice to unfriend your partner may sound harsh, it will strengthen your relationship in the long run. And stop disappearing into the friend feed when you are around, pay attention to each other.