How to recognize a domestic tyrant

Family 2022
How to recognize a domestic tyrant
How to recognize a domestic tyrant

The problem of domestic violence against women is as acute today as it was a hundred years ago. Domestic tyrants have not disappeared, they have just become covered with a touch of civility and carefully hide their crimes. And, of course, they mask their essence more cunningly. But a domestic tyrant, or abuser, as they say now, can still be recognized. Find out and escape from him while you still can. Because a claw will hit - the whole bird will get stuck. Death.

How to recognize a domestic tyrant


Relationships with an abuser always start the same way: you feel like you have finally found a real man. The man of your dreams. He seeks to anticipate your slightest desire. He is always ready to help and do something more than the help you asked for: “Because it is very pleasant for me,” he will say, looking down in embarrassment, and you will melt. Sometimes his care may seem too intrusive to you: he is able to rush to you at a distance of 100 kilometers just because you have a punctured tire. It does not matter that you yourself are quite capable of putting a spare tire and texted him simply because you were angry with these cross-armed road workers. No matter! He orders you to wait on the spot until he arrives and does everything himself. He will arrive with a blanket, a thermos of tea and a box of cakes. Because you, poor cat, are probably hungry, cold and generally upset. And you are not a poor cat at all. You are an adult woman who is able to deal with minor problems on her own. But he wants you to feel helpless.


Optional on the forehead. “A woman owes this and that” is the argument of abusers who are not very intellectually gifted. The cunning tyrant will force you to serve him differently. He will try to do something - cook dinner, wash things, clean up - but in all this he will show the helplessness of a five-year-old baby. You know, such a cute baby (two meters) - tries, but nothing! The scrambled eggs burn, the green shorts fade in the company of white shirts, a bucket of water is poured onto the parquet. I tried, dear, but I'm sorry … I'll fix everything, everything! You yourself will not notice how that beautiful morning will come when he will bark at you: “How many times do I have to tell you, idiot, so that you don’t dare to iron the collars on your shirts!” How does it work? It's very simple: he gently pushes you into the role of attendants, presenting it all as a woman's natural need to take care of her beloved man. There is none, this need. There is a desire, but there is no need, it is not inherent in our instincts. But you won't believe it anymore.


The easiest way to bind a loving person to you is to push him away. Near. Not that “That's it, we are parting” - the tyrant is afraid to lose his victim, and at first he will not take such risks. Just one day you will reach out to him to hug or kiss, and he will turn away from you with a squeamish expression on his face. And this will most likely happen in public, because then you will not be able to immediately start torturing him about “what happened?”. By the time you are alone, you will have time to think up a lot of scenarios for yourself - one is darker than the other, and in the end decide that you have done something to him. Bingo! You are hooked. Now you will be rocked on these emotional swings forever. Constantly. Have you heard of the cruel experiment on animals? One dog was stroked all the time, another was only beaten, and the third was petted and beaten. And not the second, but the third dog quickly flew off the coils. The same will happen to you. This is a wonderful tool that will allow him to break your will.


Unfortunately, this sign appears when the victim is already firmly connected with the abuser and it is difficult for her to break off this relationship. But if the tyrant is a fool (which is not uncommon), he may show this trait from the very beginning. You go to the cinema to see some idiotic sci-fi action movie, and about a drama that you are interested in, he will say: “Who wants to watch snot chew?” He will never remember that you love red wine, but he will not forget to buy beer for himself. If you show off your new lipstick, he will mutter: “You are wasting your money on nonsense.” In general, everything that is interesting to you, important, tasty, but just like it, is not necessary. He doesn't need it, and neither do you. According to him.


Here is the very case about which they say "jealous of every pole." At first, he disguises jealousy with concern: he will take you away from work, “so that no one offends my girl along the way”; he will take you to your mother; he will often call if you leave. But then care will turn into jealousy. Pathological. for being late for 15 minutes - this is a normal situation. For an abuser. And one more thing: it is important to understand that messages on your phone, in mail and in social networks, he will begin to read immediately. It's not difficult.


He always needs to know where you are, with whom and what you are doing there. He will ask for the phone numbers and addresses of your girlfriends, parents and next of kin. It's so natural - what if something happens to you? He will know who to tell. Or where to find you. Life is unpredictable, right? Then he will start checking what you are doing at home. What do you read, what sites do you go to, what do you have in your bedside table. Sooner or later, this situation will lead to the fact that he will begin to control your entire life in general. And then everything. You can't escape even if you want to. You just have nowhere to hide from him. Actually, you cannot hide the very intention to escape.


At first affectionately: “Only my kitten can’t drink tea so as not to spill - you’re my beauty!”, “You didn’t touch anything, it’s on its own, right, dear?” - And so on and so forth. Then he tells you to pick up the stomach, because such skirts with protruding stomachs are not worn. Well, he wants you to be beautiful for him. Then he will tell you that some interesting question is not your business - you have not grown up to this and will not grow up, you are a woman. Then you will become a fat and stupid fool, a stone on his neck - that's all. This is the last step. After that, he will hit you. Not strong at first. Not to hurt, but to humiliate. Then he will wallow at his feet, ask for forgiveness and swear that he will never do it again. This one will never be very short.

Women do not leave abusers not because they are masochists, but because their will is completely broken. They cannot leave, just as an antelope cannot stand up and stomp a tiger, which has already gnawed through its spine. Women start relationships with abusers not because they are such fools, but because tyrants are cleverly disguised. All we can do is try not to get caught. Never.

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