Why new relationships with men do not add up: 5 reasons

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Why new relationships with men do not add up: 5 reasons
Why new relationships with men do not add up: 5 reasons

You seem to be all right: you are free and are looking for new relationships. Men pay attention to you, you reciprocate, but … But nothing happens. Relationships do not add up, although both of you are set for a serious continuation. What is the problem? Anything, there are plenty of options. But it is better to look for its roots in itself - for a start. Just because you need to help yourself first of all. If necessary, of course.

5 roadblocks to a new relationship

Unfinished relationship

There will simply be no place in your heart for a new love if the past relationship has not yet ended. The problem is that in order to end them, it is not enough just to leave. It's about feelings, and not just about love. Are you very angry with your ex? Hate him, can't forgive? Or, on the contrary, are you not sure that you really needed to leave? So the relationship is not over. Sometimes even vivid memories of a long-term romance can prevent you from considering a new man as a life partner. Because it seems to you that you already had an ideal, and if so, what's the point of exchanging for a surrogate?

What to do about it?

Decide if you are ready to let go of that relationship. If so, any technique will help you. For example, you can write a letter to your past love that you forgive him all the bad things, thank you for all the good things and wish him personal happiness. If the relationship does not let you go, you will have to look for the answer to the question: why? Until you understand this, any techniques are useless, alas.

Fear of losing freedom

You are used to living independently, taking care of yourself and, most importantly, making all important decisions alone, regardless of anyone's supposedly valuable opinion. Naturally, in this position you see more pluses than minuses, but you also want love! You look for her, find her, but drive the man away as soon as he crosses the invisible line of your comfort zone. Offers to spend a vacation not where you wanted? Let's goodbye! You yourself do not understand how this happens - yesterday everything was fine with you, but today you want him to disappear as soon as possible. And so every time.

What to do about it?

Find out as much as possible about the man while still on the shore. Before you let him get closer. Not every man seeks to dominate, not everyone needs to be the leader in a relationship - this is the first thing. Secondly, he may well have the same fears - he, too, is free and also values ​​​​freedom. And, thirdly, you cannot lose freedom in relationships, unless, of course, you mess with abusers and domestic tyrants. At any point, you can say "I've had enough!", get up and leave.

Devalue yourself

Low self-esteem leads to sad consequences. It seems to you that you have nothing to offer a man. Why are you like this to him - fat, stupid, ugly, old, and so on and so on? He will surely find someone better. And it's good if right now, and not later - after all, then he will leave you.

What to do about it?

Break out of the vicious circle. Do you deny your own worth, try to find love, but at the last moment you back down, because who needs you like that? And you fall even lower. Because you think - I’m completely worthless, they say, I couldn’t even take what they give. This needs to be stopped. Stop waiting for love and take care of yourself. Learn to appreciate yourself, understand that you are unique. And only then think about new relationships.

Wrong parent script

We unconsciously compare our future, not yet begun relationships with those that our parents had. And if they do not work out, you may be accompanied by false ideas about men for a very long time. Dad drank, behaved ugly, and finally left? All men are goats! Mom was unhappy for some reason you don't know? There are no happy marriages! You may be close friends with happy couples, you may seem to believe in strong relationships, but as soon as it comes to you, the subconscious will roll out memories of your parents' unhappy marriage - that's all. Nothing will work again, what's the point in trying?

What to do about it?

It is best, of course, to sort out this issue with a psychologist. But, in principle, you are able to cope on your own, you just need to set yourself a goal. Compare your life and your mother's life - have you repeated her scenario in other areas of life? If not, what makes you think that you will repeat her relationship model? If so, it's time to change something and make sure that you can not live like a carbon copy. So, you can love.

Desire to get married immediately

No matter how you hide this desire, men read it. Read, get scared and run. Actually, they can be understood: it is unclear whether you need a person or a stamp in your passport? You would hardly want to marry a man who is not interested in you, but the opportunity to quickly ring in public.

What to do about it?

Realize that this is not your desire. That's not yours. You don't care who you live with, do you? Imagine yourself married to a man who is disgusting to you - do you want to get married? That's it. Most likely, it just happened that way - there are a lot of people around you who think in stereotypes and poison your life with endless questions “Well, when already?” got married, and you? This can and should be fought. Defend your boundaries, do not let outsiders get into your personal life. And you yourself will not notice how it will improve.

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