Remember the myth of Psyche, to whom her beloved - the beautiful god Eros (aka Cupid) - appeared only at night, and she did not even know who her husband was? Our reader now and then finds herself in the arms not of a mysterious deity, but of her own friend. But in the morning, time after time, it dissolves into a misty distance… How long can this go on?
QUESTION: About a year ago my friends and I got a little drunk and I slept with an old friend. Everything was amazing, and we spent the whole weekend doing this activity. And then he left, and we never discussed what happened. Since then, every time we had a drink at a party, we ended up in the same bed, and in the morning we pretended that nothing had happened
This happens more and more often, but we hide our relationship: for example, if we go on vacation with a company, then in the morning we go to our rooms. And can it be called a relationship? Every morning the same thing is repeated: we again pretend that we are just friends and go about our own business
We rarely talk about anything and have never met one on one. I like him, but I want something more from our meetings. What should I do?
ANSWER: It is unlikely that this type of relationship can continue indefinitely, so you need to figure everything out. Often, a nighttime intimate meeting is followed by morning amnesia (“Hey, how did you end up naked in my bed?”), which can be somewhat depressing. You'd probably prefer that he at least acknowledge what's going on. Silence after sex does not please anyone.
"We never discussed what happened" is not the point. If there is something more important between you than just sex, then there may be nothing left of this “important” if everything goes on like this. Since you have some feelings for a man and "want something more", it's time to break the silence. Of course, the hardest part is making sure he knows what he wants too.
Write him and tell him you'd like to meet alone, without your usual company. Tell him how much you enjoyed your secret meetings and that now the two of you should understand what's going on. Admit that you would like something more - even if you are not sure what it is. (If he asks you to be more specific, you can say that you would start with a one-on-one lunch, no alcohol, and during the daytime.) Tell him that you are not comfortable with the type of meetings that occur between you, because you experience psychological discomfort because of this uncertainty. Reassure me that the sex was great, but you expect more than just sex between you.
Even if it turns out he doesn't share your feelings, it's best to find out now.
Don't let this drag on forever anyway. If you keep playing silent, one of you will have a hard time when the other starts a real relationship with someone else.