Julia Gippenreiter and Lyudmila Petranovskaya's advice on how to raise children

Family 2022
Julia Gippenreiter and Lyudmila Petranovskaya's advice on how to raise children
Julia Gippenreiter and Lyudmila Petranovskaya's advice on how to raise children

Looking for answers together with psychologists Julia Gippenreiter and Lyudmila Petranovskaya.

Time for change: how to raise children today

The choice is yours

Julia Gippenreiter,psychologist, author of the books “Communicate with a child. How?" and "We continue to communicate with the child", I'm sure:

“All today's approaches to education focus on the personality of the child, and not his behavior, how he lives, thinks and develops, and not how he acts. And this is a difficult task - to put the personality in the center of attention. Learning the norms of behavior is quite simple, they have already tried to raise children, and these experiments turned out to be a failure. A living child, fortunately, does not lend itself to hard programming. To raise children, to communicate with them, it is important to understand their nature and take it into account. What does the child need, what does he reach for? To warm communication, to love, to acceptance. His body and psyche are programmed for this! But today's children are slaves to all-round development, education and school.

They are very little left to themselves, they do not have time to understand themselves and their attempts to move somewhere. Listening to a child, empathizing with him is a difficult art, but it is important to learn how to do it. And do not look for separate advice on education, it will not give you anything. The child is a multifactorial system!”

Looking for landmarks

Lyudmila Petranovskaya, family psychologist:

“Twenty years ago I was expecting my oldest child and looking for parenting books. What was available then? Spock, Soviet-era home economics, Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky - that's all. The rest, starting with Eric Erickson, came much later. Russia was a territory to which it was difficult to apply such a wording as "approaches to education." I was lucky, and in addition to Spock and home economics, I came across a small book by the Nikitins, where I was personally interested not so much in developmental aids as in a natural, simple attitude to the needs of the child, without fetishizing norms and rules.

Over time, the dogma of pediatric norms and rules, which are very restrictive for mother and child, began to weaken. Especially when it comes to early childhood. The trend of natural parenting gradually began to gain momentum and already in the nineties acquired some sectarian character. But overall, it was definitely liberating.

Something was in the air, and there were many gurus of varying degrees of adequacy. The nineties, for all their complexity, were a time when stereotypes and dogmas were revised, when people allowed themselves something, mastered something new. The official "educational" regulations have changed.

New angle

Today you can go to any bookstore and see a couple of shelves of books for parents. There are a huge number of relevant sites, trainings on the Web, there are schools, trends that argue with each other, which have their own adherents. People are ready to talk not about the behavior of the child and not about what buttons to press, what strings to pull to make him comfortable, but about his feelings, about relationships with him, about trust and about making the child feel accepted, loved.

Of course, our Russian parents are still different, and it shows. For example, on European beaches. "Ours" are constantly educating and poking around, and the Spanish or French are chasing the ball, obviously not straining.

It's hard to say what will happen next. I would like the parents' attention to be drawn to themselves, their needs, their deficits, coming from childhood, at the next stage. The fact is that when a person is in a “resource” state, it is easy for him and with a child, because the child is organic, it is natural for him to adapt to a person who clearly copes with life and with the situation. And the parent has less anxiety, less guilt, he is more in touch with himself, it is easier for him to figure out how to cope with a particular situation, how to behave and what to come up with to make everything go well.

Pancakes with jam

What else can you do in difficult times? Do not lose your presence of mind, take care of yourself and your family. When there are good relations in the family, it helps a lot, even in rather difficult times. It is important that your home is your fortress - this is your psychological safety, where you can sit out from all the hardships of this world. And I hope that during the well-fed time, perhaps, this ability has been formed in people to maintain such a cozy atmosphere no matter what. Hope this skill will stand the test of time…

Remember, Moomintroll's mother, despite the comet, the flood, puts a teapot in the morning, catching it out of the water, and asks: “Darling, will you have pancakes with jam?”

Popular topic