“In the five years since my divorce, I have learned more about men than in the 12 years of marriage before. Sometimes I find myself feeling like I wish I could unsee them all, but overall I am grateful to life for all the experiences I had with men as a single mother.”
Mindy Erickson is a single mother of four. In her blog, she shares thoughts and advice based on many years of personal experience. Here are a few rules she learned from her relationship after her divorce.
Perhaps they will help you in deciding whether to continue a relationship with this or that man.
Don't date a man who divorced less than two years ago
If you are looking for a long-term relationship, of course. There are exceptions, but most men during this period are not in the mood for something serious, they want to either forget the previous bitter experience, or break away to the fullest, without any obligations. Sounds unfair to men, but you really shouldn't introduce him to kids if he's in the "earth on the grave of a marriage hasn't settled yet" category.
Trust your instincts
You must interpret any of your doubts in the direction of danger. And here's why: men have a common belief that a single mother is dependent, defenseless and, like a dog on a bone, will rush to any offer. Therefore, many of them (not all, of course) are looking for relationships with divorced women with children, based on the attitude that she can be treated as you like with disdain, she will endure everything. If you feel like you've run into someone like that, trust your instincts and leave.
Don't feel vulnerable
Of course, the life of a single mother has many difficulties, but do not allow yourself to look for any "strong shoulder" as long as it is a shoulder. Not all shoulders are equally useful. Be calm and reasonable. You have no idea how many men in the world with whom you and your children will feel good together. Do not throw yourself at anyhow.
Don't rush things
If a man, after several dates, pulls you down the aisle, swears eternal love and so on, think twice. Does he really understand what he's doing? You have children, for a second, and tomorrow he will pack his things with the same fervor and leave. Take your time and don't let him rush you into making decisions.
Believe not words, but deeds
Evaluate impartially what he does not only to you or your children, but also to others. It doesn't take much effort to be nice while he's with you. But the true face of a person (anyone, and this also applies to women) appears when nothing obliges him. Therefore, the unreasonable rudeness, cruelty or dishonesty that you observe on his part in relation to other people will sooner or later become your problem.
Both physical and emotional. You do not have to obey his desires, whether it be sex (earlier than you yourself want it) or other intrusions into your territory, including emotional. You don't like calls at midnight? You don't have to listen to them.
All people say much more about themselves than they say. How does he remember his past relationships? Does he take responsibility for mistakes, or "he just had bad luck with women"? Does he respect his colleagues, friends, superiors? And if not, why does he associate with all these insignificant people? Keep your ears open and you will know everything about a person.