Perhaps take him to the doctor and check if everything is in order with his male he alth. But first make sure that this is not one of the five cases described below. After all, some enemies of your intimate life must be eliminated by sneaking up on them quietly and imperceptibly. What are these enemies and how to deal with them? The generals of family and sex therapy told us about this.
Some people think: "Of course, we have less and less sex - we've been together for so long." But that's a big mistake. "Most men in their 20s and 40s have strong libidos," says Dr. Debbie Madjidz. - So if he lost his sex drive, it's a symptom that something has gone wrong either in his life or in your relationship.”
Here are five common enemies of attraction, ranked from least fearsome to most evil. Start with the first one and break them one by one.
1. He's stressed
Of course he has no time for sex if he is exhausted to the limit or constantly worried about something - for example, he has an unbearable workload or troubles in the family.
What to do: pretend not to notice how negatively his stress affects your sex life. If you add to all his difficulties and your dissatisfaction with his success in bed, this will only aggravate the situation. “Treat him with understanding and care. When he gets back from work, give him a massage, turn on relaxing music,” suggests Dr. Joy Davidson, a sex therapist. If a man relaxes and calms down, he will again be able to remember that next to him is a desired woman.
2. He's mad at you
Not everyone will tear and throw if angry. Some take revenge by quietly withdrawing - and this can turn into sexual abstinence.
"Anger is an intimacy killer," Davidson recalls.
What to do: Of course, if you make a big mistake, you know what's going on. But sometimes we don’t even understand why they pout at us. Who knew that your harmless joke about him seemed to hurt him to death?
If you haven't done too much wrong, it's good to stroke his ego a little. Compliment him, play with him, let him know how important he is to you. Perhaps he will thaw.
3. He was afraid of responsibility
Maybe you discussed whether it's time to start living together, or just started talking about a joint future. Thinking about it can scare even the most dedicated guys. “For a man, the bond with you is built on sex,” explains Davidson. - So when it's time to decide something, he can start to slip sexually to give himself time to think.”
What to do: put aside any serious talk about commitments he will have to make - marriage, kids. If you push, he will panic even more. For the good of the cause, make sure that he can hear you from the next room when you tell your friend on the phone that you are not in a hurry to get married. Let the alarm bells stop ringing in his head and he will remember that you are still the same cool girl that he once dreamed of dating, so it's time to get closer again.
4. He is not sure if he is good in bed
If, after a couple of extra drinks, his fighter let him down, or a man sees that he does not satisfy you, his self-confidence can suffer for a long time. “Sex is what makes a guy feel like a man, so after a series of failures, he may stop even trying, fearing more failures,” Magidz says.
What to do: If he acts normal until it comes to sex, maybe this is the case. “Don't tell him he's not the same anymore,” warns Dr. Patricia Kow alt,relationship psychotherapist. “Better mention something he did to you in bed that turns you on.” Stimulating his ego is also stimulating his libido.
5. He wants to break up
Sad but true. At the same time, if a man wants to leave, he first begins an emotional retreat, and only then physically withdraws. So there is time to notice.
What to do: If you have ruled out all other possibilities, you will have to call him to talk.
"Most men don't want to look like a jerk, and if they plan to leave you, they first send signals - such as not having sex - to get you to talk about it yourself," says Madjidz.
Tell him that you've noticed how things have changed between you two. Ask him what he sees as the reason. Before you bring this topic up, prepare for a possible breakup. Arrange in advance to meet with your friends the day after you plan to talk to him. No matter how it turns out, you'll need someone to talk to.
3 Failed Tricks: These pseudo-excuses usually turn out to be absolute bullshit
- "I have a big day at work tomorrow and I need to rest". An orgasm clears the mind and helps him fall asleep - so sex won't stop him from focusing on work tomorrow.
- "Let's wait until the weekend when we have more time". Very few men consciously choose the right day for sex, and even fewer would refuse to do it quickly right now. Something is wrong here.
- "I'm sorry honey - my head is hurting". Women's trick from jokes is sometimes used by men. Indigestion - this is the reason to do without sex today. But a migraine is just a cliché for rejection.