We often ignore mom's words and don't answer calls. Sometimes we are too lazy to explain for the hundredth time how to set up a DVR or why she still does not have grandchildren. Sometimes she calls 14 times in a row to tell her that it's going to rain and that she needs to dress warmly. But keep in mind: the children of assertive moms often become more successful - because mom really knows better! These 15 motherly phrases confirm this.
1. Some friends are really bad influences
Remember those eloquent glances your mom gave you behind your new friend's back? She already knew everything about him. In elementary school, Nicky's mom didn't like one of her friends. She kept telling Nicky to stay away from her because she was a bad influence on her. The girl did not obey, and a few years later they both failed in the exams. “I was punished for several months,” Niki recalls. Now she is trying to soberly evaluate new acquaintances.
2. This guy is not even worth wasting time
Your mother may be the last person on earth you want to hear advice when it comes to your love life. But trust me, she's been through this before. “My mom has a sixth sense for all romantic stories,” says 27-year-old Anna. “The most useful piece of advice she gave me was the 'decency test': if a guy behaves dishonestly when you refuse him or leave you ugly, he is absolutely not worth wasting time on.”
3. Don't expose your dirty laundry to the public
We write on social networks, exposing the details of our personal lives to the public. Sometimes it pays to think twice if it's worth it. “About 10 years ago, in my blog, I described all the details of my “drunk” adventures and sexual adventures,” says Gina, 30. “I changed the names of the characters a little, for example, instead of “John” I wrote “Don”, but I still felt free and carefree. 10 years later, in a sober assessment of my behavior, I feel shame and still learn from it. I still make notes, but now I don't store them online. If anyone reads them, I will die of shame.”
4. You definitely won't wear this piercing in your 40s
Before you insert metal into your body, think carefully about how this part of it will look like in 5 or 50 years. “When I was 13, I wanted to get my belly button pierced so I could wear the piercing,” says Andrea, 29. - “In our school, the coolest girls walked like that. My mother categorically forbade me to do this. Now I understand that she was absolutely right. You don't have to get a belly button piercing or wear torn clothes to prove you're not a baby anymore." When she has children of her own, Andrea hopes she can be as tough as her mother. There are more important things than how you look.
5. You are what you eat
Most of us kept our mouths shut when we were kids when our mom tried to feed us he althy broccoli. But now, admit it - we ourselves buy freshly squeezed juice and collect recipes for dishes with chia seeds. “When I was a child, my mother forbade me to eat processed foods and red meat,” Rosa says. Now she is a vegetarian and carefully monitors her he alth. While others are just trying to break the habit of eating unhe althy fried foods, Rosa says “thank you” to her mother for the he althy habits instilled since childhood.
6. You can always change your life
Can't you find a way out of the impasse (which may have arisen through your own fault)? Meanwhile, the key to this exit is always in your hands. "My mom always told me, 'You get what you deserve out of life.' As a former drug addict, I never forget about it,” says Valeria, now a mother of two children. “When I was on drugs, I had no goals in life and I often became depressed. When I got cured, the first thing I did was find a job, and little by little my life got better.”
7. Know how to stand up for yourself
When Kira started spending all her time with her new boyfriend in high school and seeing less and less of her friends, her mom challenged her to a frank conversation. She commended her for her independence, but then pointed out what most of us should learn: No one will take care of you and your needs like you do. Make sure your interests come first. “Then it seemed strange to me, but as an adult, I understood what my mother meant. No one will defend my interests the way I will do it myself.”
8. Save up for a rainy day
To have your own money is to control your own life. Even if you are in a happy marriage. “My parents were happily married and my mother never aspired to independence,” says Louise, 62. Once, during a rare quarrel, her mother called her and announced that she was moving to Louise, on the other side of the country. When she asked when exactly she would arrive, my mother replied: "As soon as your father buys me a ticket!" And although the parents later reconciled, the lesson was clear. Louise has been married for 30 years, but all this time she has a job and a separate bank account. And don't call her a pessimist. “For me, this means that my marriage exists not because I have to be in it, but because I want it.”
9. Find someone who will listen to you
30 years ago, when Dorothy first introduced her future husband to her parents, her mother asked her a single question. "He listens to you? Interested in your opinion? “Now, many years after marriage, I realize how important this is. My husband never made important decisions without asking my opinion. At the same time, he does not just let me speak, but really considers my opinion important.”
10. Give people a chance
Yes, even that noisy bully in your class. “When I was a kid, my mom kept telling me to be nice to all my classmates, even the ones I didn't like,” says Jenny. “You never know how things will turn out,” Mom used to say. She was convinced that you should always give a person a chance. Jenny's mom knew what she was talking about: she herself was married to her classmate. “It's so good that they gave each other a chance to grow up and eventually become who they are now! Decades later, they are still in love with each other.”
11. Learn to drive a car
You can have he althy relationships without throwing away your independence and self-respect. This means that both of you must have a social life outside of the relationship, have your own money (see point 8), and be able to move from place to place without each other's help. “My mom used to say that no matter if you have your own car, you have to be able to drive. It will give you freedom,” says Diana. At first, she did not attach any importance to this - the family lived in a big city with many options for moving from place to place. But years later, the woman realized that her mother was right. “The ability to drive a car always gives you a lot of opportunities. You can leave a place you don't like, take someone to the hospital, or just take a trip with your friends.”
12. Don't get into fights
It was okay when you wanted to beat your brother up for taking your toy. But now that you yourself have become parents, it is clear that not every fight is worth getting into. Especially if it's a fight with a teenager who doesn't want to have dinner. This is a surefire way to burn yourself out. Alan, a mother of two, said: "When it comes to parenthood, the only advice I can give moms is to be smart about it and only get into fights and arguments if you're sure you're going to win."
13. Stop being offended
The ability to correctly formulate will save you from a life of constant resentment and calls of remorse from friends who hurt your feelings. "My mom always told me to use the pronoun 'I'," says Jackie. - "So instead of saying 'You acted like a jerk', try saying 'I was upset'. Instead of other people's actions, describe your feelings. It helps me a lot in communicating with people."
14. A new pair of shoes could fix everything
It's a fact: moms love commenting on their kids' looks. But sometimes really well-meaning! “My mom has always been obsessed with new shoes,” says Alia. “Every time the season changed, she called and asked if I had my shoes ready and panicked if I said no. But when Alia got a job, she began to understand her mother's obsession better. "I found myself thinking about my shoes all the time. The right shoes give me confidence and the feeling that I'm on my feet."
15. There is a time for everything
Of all the most boring things moms say, this one is the most boring. But anyway, it really works. “When I was a child, I constantly experienced a sense of anxiety,” says Maria. “I hated leaving the house, I had panic attacks at school and I didn’t imagine that I would ever be able to deal with it.” Her mother kept saying that there is only one thing that is guaranteed to work and that is time. “It sounds trite, but now I understand that she was right. I still feel anxiety, but not as much. Of course, my mother knew what she was talking about - she experienced the same thing as a child. It gives me hope.”