Relationships end for many reasons. Maybe you didn’t expect this romance to be long at all, or it’s no longer relevant, or you got close and realized that your partner still doesn’t suit you. How to complete this step?
Admit no more
Listen to your feelings and evaluate the facts. For example, was it an office romance that obviously will not (or should not) continue, or a cute resort story that would be nice to leave it like that? Does this relationship really not bring you joy, does it not look the way you would like? Evaluate a partner objectively: is he cheerful and sexy, but can easily disappear for a week without warning? Is he caring, can he always complain about life and get advice? Does he look like your dad? Did you ever expect that the relationship would turn into something serious? Such a revision will help to make sure that the decision is not a momentary impulse.
Get ready to talk
Think about what you will say in advance, write down your abstracts and answers to possible objections. You can even practice in front of a mirror so you don't look too emotional or insecure. You can write down point by point - what exactly did this communication format not suit you (in a conversation this may not be useful, but it will be useful for you in your future life).
Be confident in your decision
Doubts are normal, and if you have a lot of them, then it's not time to talk yet. If you are not completely sure that you are doing the right thing, you will only embarrass the person in vain and make him feel that he still has a chance.
Report the breakup in person and face to face
Of course, a social media post, text message, email or phone call is much easier, but not very respectful. You wouldn't like it if your relationship ended this way either! And it's up to you to decide whether what happened between you is worth a minute conversation, a long meeting or the last night together.
Calm environment
Think carefully how you will deliver the news. The worst option is to simply throw harsh words in the midst of an argument or quarrel. In acute stress, no one will be able to understand their true feelings and make a decision! Despite the fact that you end the relationship, it would be good not to hurt each other even more. Of course, there is no good time to end the affair, but delaying the decision for too long is also not a good idea
Respect and honesty
Find an opportunity to say that you are glad that you had this period of life, what exactly was good about it, but emphasize that everything is over and you are ready to move on. “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you” is a great rule. It's not easy to hurt someone or destroy their hope, but it's possible to do it in a way that leaves a good impression of each other.
Choose a suitable location
If you suspect that the conversation may be too emotional, it is better to communicate among people - in a cafe, park, on the street, so both of you will be quite reserved.
Keep a polite tone
If a partner asks you about the reasons for your decision, be honest but kind, do not cause unnecessary pain - do not list all of his qualities that terrified you, or all of your negative impressions of communicating with him. Speak calmly and respectfully, for example, you can formulate the phrase in advance: “I thought about it and decided that I don’t want to continue this relationship,” and consistently stick to it. If he's interested, explain why you don't want things to continue. Focus on how you feel rather than listing problems. And of course, you don't have to answer any questions he asks you.
Stick to your decision
If you feel like you're doing the right thing, don't let your partner convince you to stay together. It's normal that after a breakup, everyone is upset, worried, hurt by everyone - and this can be difficult to deal with. But feeling guilty or doing something terrible to someone is no reason to stay in a relationship you no longer want.
You will be sad too
No matter how old you are, how long the relationship lasted, or what the expectations were, getting over a breakup can be pretty hard. Allow yourself to be sad, angry that nothing worked out, and offended. All loves and all the people with whom we were close affect our lives in one way or another, but we look at many things differently as time passes. As frustrating as it is now, the consequences of a breakup that you are going through right now will not last forever. And even vice versa, the experience gained will definitely affect future relationships - but you cannot yet predict how exactly. True intimacy means being able to communicate on a deep level, openness, willingness to share your feelings, to talk about what is happening to you. By discussing the relationship that you end up together with a man, you help yourself: by the next attempt, you will draw conclusions and be able to avoid some problems.
Remind yourself of the right decision
For example, send yourself an email describing this story and the message: "I know you're sad right now, but you're doing great, it will get better soon!" or “You did everything right, and it would be good for you to get out of the house on the weekend so that you don’t feel sad alone.”
You're all right
Novels that don't develop into something serious are perfectly fine! Even if at the first stage everything was “fair” - joy, endorphins, expectations - no one will ever be able to say how the story will develop and how it will end. The desire to find a couple, a loved one is natural for all people, but mistakes and wrong decisions are also natural. So just move forward: everything is going right, there will definitely be more love.
Don't blame your partner for ending the relationship
While it's very tempting to settle on the "yes, he didn't suit me at all" version, people disagree for various reasons, sometimes simply because it "didn't work out." It always takes two to start and develop a relationship, so you shouldn’t deny your contribution to what is happening. It is better to try to evaluate everything from a distance and draw conclusions: maybe somewhere you were expecting too much, or did not listen to your real desires and needs, or ignored important “flags” for a long time. We do not urge you to treat this novel as a draft, but still this is a chance to reconsider your plans and expectations so that next time it will definitely turn out better.
Stop all contact for a while
And even if the decision to break up is common, and you are both really ready to maintain friendly relations, this pause is also better to take. It often happens that “let's remain friends” is just a tribute to politeness, a formality, a desire to show oneself from the best side. But an honest pause will help to cope with possible grievances and generally move away from emotions a little. You are not obligated to offer friendship, however, nor to agree to the offer. Yes, it may seem like a tempting way to save face or somehow stay in each other's lives, but without a separate discussion, it will not be clear what you mean. Do you socialize regularly, or just keep saying hello at lunchtime, or have coffee once a month, or are you expected to have "friendly" sex, or are you just willing to help each other out if needed? As a rule, conditional "friendship" either leads to misunderstanding (when one clearly wants more than the other is ready to offer), or to the illusion that there is a second chance. So it is advisable to stay completely without contacts for a couple of months after the break - not to see each other, not to call each other, not to observe each other's life, and then it will be seen.
Take a break
Whatever those relationships were, they were part of your life. Decide what you will do with this time now: meeting friends, hobbies, sports, work?
11 BAD WAYS TO BREAK UP
- Simply disappear, block everywhere, do not warn the person about what happened, leave him no opportunity for contact. You are not a ghost after all! It's just not nice to leave another in a state of complete uncertainty, even if you think they deserve it.
- During a conversation, refer to commonplace things like "it's not about you, it's about me" or "you will feel bad with me." This is both insulting and does not help the person at all to understand why you are breaking up at all, maybe everything suited him. Plus, we're not on a bad show after all, so use normal, honest explanations.
- Asking someone else to end the relationship for you - friends, relatives. This is not fair to all parties in the process.
- Use a breakup threat to make a difference in a relationship. It's unfair and definitely won't improve the situation or create intimacy. If you want to leave - leave, if you don't want to - continue to communicate.
- Double messages. You invite your partner to leave, explain why you decided so, but you continue to behave as if nothing had happened - you continue to be gentle, affectionate with him, send hearts or even have sex. Sorry, but he just won't guess that you've already broken up!
- Blame yourself, being sure that you are not capable of normal relationships at all, you have some kind of “breakdown”, everything is wrong with you and you are a poor-quality woman. But there are always two involved in a relationship, and if something doesn't add up and doesn't inspire, each of the participants has definitely contributed to it. If you are focused all the time only on your contribution, it will be difficult for you to see any signs in a potential or current partner that this relationship is not for you.
- Just blame the other. If you have focused solely on your partner's shortcomings and decided that everything went wrong because of him, this will not allow you to take a closer look at your contribution to the relationship and evaluate what and how you are doing, so as not to carry the mistakes further.
- Too much to discuss it with others. By involving loved ones, friends, and co-workers in talking about how bad things are, you risk creating embarrassment for people who know both of you. Besides, suddenly you then renew the relationship? Triple embarrassing.
- Telling someone about a breakup or labeling it on social media before the conversation even takes place.
- Behave worse so that a man initiates a breakup - in the hope that he will take on this difficult part.
- Stay emotionally involved. You may well take some time to find out if your ex is doing well after the breakup, but too much monitoring of his experiences will hinder your own recovery.