Another wedding season is in full swing, which means it's time to make guest lists. We tell you what to expect from each sign of the zodiac, who to be afraid of, and who is better off not holding a microphone.
Capricorn
A normal guest. Our Magic Ball believes that it is simply obliged to start the horoscope with this unexpected message: shock! sensation! They exist, these most normal guests! And all of them, as one, are Capricorns.
Capricorn gives a really needed gift (usually money, and if it is a thing, then the most expensive of the wish list), strictly follows the declared dress code, makes toasts without embarrassment and without spreading thought along the tree, drinks moderately and he does not hiss at the toastmaster with foul language, because there is no need: he himself understands who needs to stay away from. However, we do not recommend including more than three Capricorns on the guest list. Unless, of course, you have a crazy kindergarten matinee wedding.
Aquarius
Dangerous guest. Aquarians come to the wedding to have a lot of fun, and fun is Aquarius' favorite pastime. The problem is that Aquarians manage to get all the necessary emotions from the wedding commotion in the fifth minute of the action, and then they become mortally bored. They are also deadly bored to eat, as well as to drink for the he alth of the young, so do not expect to shut up the fountain of seething Aquarian energy by throwing Olivier straight from the shovel into its incomprehensible bowels. Will not help. Aquarius will still seize the moment to arrange some petty dirty trick and pass it off as a prank. On the other hand, Aquarius can always be instructed to perform traditional wedding dirty tricks - stealing the bride, for example. It’s not a fact, however, that the groom will not find her later on Instagram, where five years later she will boast of a new home in California and newborn triplets, but… Whoever doesn’t take risks doesn’t have fun!
Pisces
Romantic guest. Attending weddings is Rybka's favorite activity: it is the only event where people finally behave normally ("normal" from Rybka's point of view - it's like in a Bollywood movie). Therefore, our Magic Ball warmly recommends immediately, even near the registry office, to assign some Capricorn to Rybka - as a troublesome governess with puritanical views and manners of Cerberus. Because Rybka's sexy dances in an outfit that overshadows the bride's dress can still be tolerated somehow, but when a witness pecks at this hook, put out the lights, call the vice police. After the fifth glass, Rybok, as a rule, has an irresistible desire to spawn and spawn right here and now, without waiting for the cake to be taken out. Did you order an orgy? Not? Well, then it's a gift.
Aries
Dashing guest. Aries comes to have fun and eat, and, as you know, they eat vodka. And Aries, as you know, do everything, boldly, with inspiration and fantastically fast - including eating, yes. For this reason, it is recommended to invite Aries immediately to the restaurant, otherwise he will quickly convert your guest Gazelle into an infernal party bass, from which not everyone will come out with their own feet. Aries himself, which is typical, will come out more than once, and at some point - for a warm tube massacre. Is everyone here having fun or what?
Taurus
Schrödinger's guest. Which seems to have come, but at the same time, as it were, not. At the same time, Taurus will definitely bring his dearest half to the wedding (well, it’s somehow ugly not to call!), Kids (oh, there’s absolutely no one to leave with!) And, possibly, some distant relative (the girl came to act, let her unwind!). At the same time, all the companions of Taurus will also be Schrödinger's guests: they will dutifully chew all the proposed snacks, they will shout “Bitter!” in a harmonious chorus, and at the end of the evening they will gladly take the rest of the cake, once again wish happiness to the young and quietly dissolve in the evening fog. And then no one will ever remember what exactly they did at the wedding, except for "creating the appearance of a crowd of guests." Well, thanks for that!
Gemini
Tamada-accordion player 80 level. In fact, you can save money on toastmasters if you invite Gemini to the wedding, since they already constantly perform the duties of a court jester for free and without the requests of others. On the other hand, you will never guess in advance which subpersonality of Gemini is performing today in the arena of their internal circus, so some surprises are possible here. It is possible that young people will have to perform their first dance to the “Cursed Old House”, and in decanters with compote there will be a branded twin cocktail “Satan's Sanatorium” (vodka, absinthe, grenadine). On the other hand, the Gemini will easily arrange a competition in the spirit of "Distinguish a quote from Kierkegaard from Heidegger's statement and win a little futility of being." And only one thing remains unchanged: if the Gemini decided to entertain you, you will have to have fun. If you don’t know how, they will teach you, if you don’t want, they will force you.
Cancer
Sentimental guest. Cancer should certainly be invited if for some reason you have already invited your second cousin Aunt Zina from Alupka, whom you have never seen for the last time. Cancer has no equal in pronouncing heartfelt toasts, and a rare bird will fly to the middle of his monologue. But Cancer acts hypnotically on the older generation: from his congratulatory speeches, peonies bloom in the hearts of elderly relatives and butterflies begin to flutter, so if you need to neutralize the table, because of which you are already wishing for “more kids”, feel free to call Cancer. Just keep in mind that alcohol solutions have a very bad effect on the inner world of Cancers: after the fifth glass, they turn into a typical aunt Zina from Alupka before our eyes and run to pat the groom’s cheeks, saying “Uti how big we have become, but only yesterday we led the dermatological dispensary by the hand with a bouquet!”
Lion
The main guest. Leo is the only sign of the zodiac that sincerely considers the wedding the most important event in life (all other signs, of course, consider this an excuse to eat salads for free). Therefore, he tries to behave accordingly: so that the newlyweds will remember this significant day for a long time. And the significant appearance of Leo, who, of course, is simply obliged to become the central figure of the evening, otherwise he does not play. However, we must pay tribute - it is Leo who will give the most luxurious gift. True, it is Leo who will throw the most chic scandal. Occasion? So wait, what's a wedding without a fight?
Virgo
Useful guest. It is impossible not to invite the Virgin, although it will take a long time to persuade her: Virgos hate weddings so much that they can’t even eat, but the benefits of them, of course, are not in saving cold cuts. Right at the moment of the solemn ransom of the bride, the maiden is flooded with Finnish shame up to her ears (it is such a feeling when completely strangers do something, and for some reason you are ashamed of it), from which she is saved in the most reliable and familiar way: by hard work for the good needy. So what exactly will the Virgin bring, give, hold the bride’s crinoline in a public toilet, get smelling s alts, a band-aid and small banknotes for tips from her purse, nurse someone else’s baby screaming in the registry office and call a “female taxi” for Rybka (or you never know). The main thing is to make sure that Virgo is not distracted from her charitable activities for smoke breaks: if any Gemini meet in Virgo's smoking room, everyone present, including waiters, will have to join in the intellectual dispute about the intervention of European powers in the Ihetuan uprising.
Libra
The perfect guest. Libra is created for other people's weddings, like a bird for flight: firstly, they are born romantics, and secondly, Libra knows how to create a festive mood literally out of the blue (have you ever heard joyful laughter in line for a therapist? That's where Libra sits - don't go to the fortuneteller). At the same time, Libra is superbly educated and very delicate, so whose holiday is actually today, they never forget. And, brushing away a sentimental tear, they will joyfully go to roll a chicken egg from one leg of the witness to another. face. And do not care that they, in fact, have a degree in astrophysics, obtained immediately after graduating from the Institute of Noble Maidens. Someone has to do it anyway, right?
Scorpio
Ceremonial guest. Scorpio is sure that since he deigned to honor with his presence this dreary gathering of townsfolk greedy for free aquavits, then he should be honored appropriately: at least at the level of Her Majesty Elizabeth II (although, of course, it’s better to immediately honor Scorpio as President of the Intergalactic Union). However, even if you make Scorpio the central figure of the evening by pushing the bride somewhere between the restaurant kitchen and the toilet, nothing in Scorpio's behavior will change: he will continue to sit with a displeased, disgusted mine, designed to prove to everyone and everyone that Scorpio, you know, is above this.. What vulgarity these your weddings! However, our Magic Ball still recommends that you definitely invite Scorpio: if the wedding host suddenly offers guests to eat apples without the help of hands, toast in verse or dance to Stas Mikhailov, it will be enough to send him with these wonderful proposals to Scorpio. At the same time, look at the show: have you seen how a living person is annihilated out of the blue? You will see now.
Sagittarius
Company guest. If you have some expected difficulties with how to seat a three-time professor's wife, a hereditary rabbit breeder, a radical feminist, a vegan, a Cossack and a bridesmaid in a dress with a neckline from which a navel winks at everyone at the same table, call Sagittarius. Sagittarius is able to unite any kind of people around him and make them have fun and love. True, all of them will love only Sagittarius, so the reason why everyone gathered here today will most likely be forgotten after the third shot. But, as they say, as long as there is no war.