Ekaterina Popova thought about how men typically act on dating sites and apps. And readers shared with her real stories of correspondence. And you know, the cock picture is not the worst!
The other day I read an article on the "New Ethics" about a man who wrote on Tinder that he was supposedly a Danish artist who came to Russia to a girl, but was disappointed in the lady of the heart because of her commercialism. The strategy brought wild success - the "Danish artist" went like hot cakes, despite the fact that he was, and remained, an average Russian peasant who could not really keep up a conversation, and the savings turned out to be hefty - not wanting to look greedy in the eyes of a sophisticated European, the girls paid for themselves.
I suspect that after the article, Tinder will be replenished with several dozen artists, musicians, writers and aspiring directors who have arrived from abroad. However, the publication itself brought back memories of less resourceful users of dating sites, whose name is legion. I asked my friends to share their experience: dozens of stories were told, but the patterns of behavior on services for finding a couple for men turned out to be very monotonous.
Hi, how are you, what are you doing?
"Shelezyak's planet - no minerals, no water, no vegetation, inhabited by robots" - these are the thoughts that arise after talking with most men "in active search." One gets the impression that somewhere at the registration stage they were given instructions with three questions ("how are you?", "how are you?" and "what are you doing?"), strictly forbidding gag and improvisation.
Questions are asked every day, they can change places, the answers to them do not matter, - the impression that they just poke you with a wand to check if you are alive? An attempt to point out that the dialogue is sluggish and boring prompts an immediate suggestion to uncover the gypsies and the bear - most of the men respond: "Cheer me!" Dates are about the same: terse responses of the interlocutor, accompanied by your dancing with a tambourine in an attempt to create the appearance of a lively conversation.
"One day I started profiles on three recommended sites - and deleted them an hour later. Because they write "Hi!" - and they are silent. Or they write “Hello”, and if I don’t answer right away: “Why are you silent, stupid fool!”"
"On a date, she said that he looked sad, in response: "Make me laugh!" I say, I have a specific sense of humor, not everyone likes it. Well, he answers, learn a couple of jokes so that I don’t get bored with you. We talked for another twenty minutes, I left. He caught up with me, said that we wouldn’t have anything, because not interested in me.”
Let's meet, but I won't come
Neither I nor other users of dating sites are surprised by the strategy of lieutenant Rzhevsky adopted by men - direct mail to all women in a row, counting on the fact that at least one will agree. Another thing is striking - most men who want to “talk closer” and “get to know each other” are completely unprepared to hear from a woman: “Come on!” Nine of those who wrote to me "Let's meet?" - disappear after the answer: "Okay, let's go to the cinema." One of them even somehow began to be ironic in response, asking if I would like to immediately go to the registry office.
"I didn't want to go to the registry office, but I still dream of the self-esteem of men who, without any doubt or other interpretations, read the offer to communicate outside the Internet as "she wants me." It seems that, going to the movies (on concert, take a walk in the park, drink coffee, and so on), men are afraid to lose consciousness already at the exit from the apartment and wake up already in the mother-in-law’s garden in the company of three children and a wife.”
"I was sent direct offers of sex, the message looked like: "Hi, I'm looking for a girl just for sex, how do you look at it?" After receiving consent from me and a question about the place / time of the meeting, they instantly fell silent, and one even blacklisted.
"I came to the meeting with my uncle. "You never know what can happen in this city, I'm the only one afraid."
"A dude came to Tinder with a comment: "I like you, if you are looking for a serious relationship, write some contact." To the question: "What do you mean by a serious relationship?" - “steamed” from me.”
"One funny friend on Tinder, who seems to be adequate, wrote me for three weeks about how beautiful I am and how he dreams of meeting me. And in the end, in three weeks he did not find this opportunity."
"Of all those who invited me on a date, only one came. The rest forgot, did not have time, disappeared halfway … One wrote that he was leaving and that I was going to a cafe. I got ready, began to open the door - it rings:" I forgot to buy a razor so I can't come.”
"I had a correspondence with a rather old English trucker with Scottish roots, we corresponded for about two months. A friend already seemed to start planning a visit, but soon said that, they say, the children are against it."
"I was silent for two months, then suddenly decided to resume correspondence. It even came to a call back. However, after the first conversation the next day, he suddenly blocked me everywhere. And I'm still at a loss - what was it?"
Product face
For unknown reasons, men find sending a photo of a member an effective dating and seduction strategy. Despite the fact that not a single woman has yet responded to such a picture with an enthusiastic exclamation: “God, how beautiful! And where to come to touch it? - they send these pictures from the moment the first dating site appeared - right after they say hello, before, and sometimes instead. Frankly, I'm beginning to suspect that sending these photos is not a tactical move, counting on subsequent sex, but an end in itself. Perhaps they think that the size of the penis increases in direct proportion to the number of women who see it?
"Very often before the "hello" or immediately after the "hello" they sent a photo of a cock. Sometimes they sent a photo of a cock in the middle of a conversation on completely distant topics: "Do you like Italian opera?" - "Yes, I recently listened to Tosca … Wait, what's this? A dick?" - "Yes. Do you like it?"
Come to the hayloft
One of my friends wrote that she was doing research - meeting four or five 20-year-old boys a day, asking about what they needed - everyone wanted "free sex" and "a girl with an easy character." She added that she recently talked on Badoo and Tinder with forty-year-olds - they want the same thing, but with home delivery and care.
Coming to a dating site, men seem to see dozens of women in a shop window who, it seems to them, want the same thing. Without further ado, they start bombarding the girls with short and to the point messages: come, let's have sex (some especially generous ones promise cunnilingus). Refusal makes them bewildered, and many even infuriate - how is it, wasting time, talking, and all in vain!
"One comrade after the word "hello" wrote: "Give me the address, I'll come by in the evening." To my bewilderment, he answered that, apparently, such an eagle is not for me, he does not pickle!"
"The man came by car to my house. I went out, sat in the car, talked. When I refused to have sex, he started talking nasty things, then he started to "treat" me. I went home. He called and continued to "treat”: they say, I’m strange, I need to work on myself, well, towards the end, he began to yell at me: how everything went great for him for the last three weeks, they supposedly gave him everything, he fucked four women, and I broke off his wave. And what if I'm not going to give right away, then I need to write about it on my page!"
The most common unpleasant thing is the offer to come immediately instead of at least "hello" and the flow of threats and insults in response to the refusal. It’s natural: “Come, you won’t regret it!” - "Not interested!" - "Oh, you, creature, who do you think you are, I will find and fuck, you will yell." Well, just in the absence of obvious coquetry and demonstration of enthusiasm - insults in terms of age, figure, intelligence, economic abilities and, in general, belonging to the female sex.
"I was once approached with the question: "What is your breast size?" Without "hello." The next sentence was: "I'm in the sauna right now, come, I'll pay for a taxi."
"A man 15 years older than her suggested to a friend on a dating site: he goes here on business trips, they will meet and have sex. She answered him that she was looking for a serious relationship. The man was offended, wrote that she was old and in general it is not clear what she expects at her age. She is 36 years old.”
"By the way, an acquaintance of the same Mamba specially opened a female account with a profile for the average man and a photo of an attractive blonde with long hair up to 25 years old. Less than a week later he wrote that he was shocked and very sympathetic to women, because that men are crazy and immediately start writing nasty things and threats.”
"When I corresponded with men on dating sites, imperative visits from the series: "The boobs are small, but oh well, come to the beer in the evening, I'll treat you" were considered quite normal.
"Every third is approximately looking for a mistress, offering himself as a slave. For some reason, they stubbornly merge when I say that I really need a slave to wash floors, windows, plumbing and walk a child, I promise to insult, humiliate, I can even beat them. But no, they don't want to. Poor-quality slaves!"
"At the meeting, he hugged, kissed, climbed under a skirt, rushed home. Having received a soft answer: "Come on next time." He left and wrote an SMS: "You're generally terrible!""
Marry me
Enviable "grooms" hatch from men at the moment when it turns out that most women are not looking for sex, but relationships. Marriage is mentioned by the "first guys in the village" based on the same sex, in the process they are trying to demonstrate their abilities to dominate (after all, every woman, as you know, dreams of an alpha male).
"Began getting acquainted with the requirement to spend all your time with him. "Do you go to yoga? What the hell is yoga, you should strive to spend all your time with me. Well, so be it, if I see that you strive to be only with me, I will allow you to do yoga and I will even drive you myself, but once a week, no more.”
"There was a dude who immediately wrote: "Are you ready to quit your job right now and cook borscht in sexy dresses for the rest of your life?" (Well, figuratively speaking about borscht, I'm in Britain.) He put a lot of pressure, said that I definitely suit him, because I'm beautiful and sexy, and he is ready to get married right now, because he is a believer and cannot live without marriage.”
"One day an uncle from the village wrote to me on a dating site. I was then 27 years old, he was closer to 50. For no reason (I did not give reasons) let's state our" business plan "to create “So, we will live in the village, we will have our own household, a girl should be born first, in three years - a boy, by that time the girl will already be able to help (!) With the baby and around the house,” and stuff like that, completely without emotion, pure calculation. It is clear, politely shaved off, to which he told me: “Well, you’re a fool, you’ll stay alone!”"
Don't text me again
Finding that women are not ready to go to the sauna, or give birth to daughters in the village, or be a strict mistress, or even answer the question “What are you doing?” More than three times in a row, men are reborn from the first groom in the village to demanding buyer and change their profile to a huge list of requirements for a girl, to a conversation with which they condescend.
Don't text me if you're over 25, lost your virginity, divorced, have kids, careerist, weigh over 55kg, smoked at least once in your life, have tattoos or piercings, want to get paid in a cafe, hoping for gifts or financial assistance, hoping to get married, earning too little. I need a young, athletic, with erect breasts of the third size, who knows how to cook dishes of Russian, European, Italian and Uzbek cuisine, with her own living space and car, without a mortgage, a passionate and skillful lover who does not want children, but at my request she will give birth at least three.
What happens next with these men, I don't know. It is likely that women do write to them: at least, I have repeatedly wanted to ask if they are at least something to count on a woman who corresponds to at least a third of their rider.
"I once met in ICQ. He came, looked at my fat 70 kg, said that I have beautiful ears and if I lose weight, he will give me a chance."
"I got a real interview! "Who do you work, how much do you earn, where did you study, what grades (?!), did you remember what color my eyes are (?!), what a woman owes, what a man owes, you read so-and-so, this lipstick doesn’t suit you”, etc. etc."
Happy ending
In fairness (and also in the name of maintaining faith in humanity), it cannot be said that among dozens of unpleasant or even frighteningly strange men on dating sites there are normal people with whom everything is possible: communication, relationships, and sex, and marriage.
"The guy wrote some kind of unfiltered compliment - not to me, but to the plot of the photo, appreciated the artistry. He invited me to visit, and I went. A familiar town, houses of fresh construction. I come - no. And he is in the store for a treat ran. In general, I liked it: a guy, a house, a garden and a cake. He flooded the bathhouse, I went to wash and hear from the steam room how he entered the dressing room. I even saddened, so nicely steamed, and then … Although it’s clear why I came, in principle "But no, he left. I looked out, and there was a cup of freshly picked raspberries. This raspberry is forever in my heart, although there were many good things later - both words and sex. He was from the north, on vacation. Good story, it's nice to remember."
"I met my ex-girlfriend on a dating site. And this despite the fact that initially I went there to look for a man. But in the process I was so disappointed that the thought arose - why not try with a smart, beautiful and humorous girl? Suddenly mine?
"Not mine, just a story before my eyes. I met a totally blind boy in a society of the blind. He moved to Kazan to a girl from the Far East, she is sighted, works as a journalist. We met in an online toy (then he was still a little saw), started talking, then he moved in with her, they have been married for two years.”
"In my second Tinder entry, a photo with Grandpa George's rat was accidentally uploaded, while I was figuring out how to delete it, a certain young man wrote me something cute and about a rat. We've been dating for six months, he loves my rats like family "".
"My current husband and I met on VKontakte - I usually congratulate my friends on their birthday, then he began to write to me in a personal. We talked about the prices for buckwheat and events in the Crimea. Without a photo of a penis, it was not without a drunk, then, however, he apologized for a long time. And the relationship grew from friendly to romantic. By the way, I was married. Then he came to Moscow on a date, then another. And then I left my husband, rented an apartment and began to live. Member, by the way, turned out to be from the Internet, so they lie that they are.”
"Happy together for over three years now. Sometimes it's hard, but we've been through four moves together, one to another country, renovations and many trips to Ikea. I was looking for someone on Tinder to chat English, so I mostly swiped to the right of obvious foreigners, but I couldn’t get past a man with an obviously Russian name with a Jewish appearance and with a Gibson in his hands, just as he couldn’t get past a girl with a ukulele in skulls. He was very active in asking me out and texting me regularly. Initially, we talked about foreign languages and Led Zeppelin, which was somehow especially beautiful against the backdrop of other conversations.”
So if you are pinning your hopes on dating sites - perhaps they will come true. Is it worth the hope of viewing dozens of photos of genitals, insults, threats and magical disappearances without any explanation - decide for yourself.